Twinsight 42 of 50: Seize New Beginnings

Hi! This is Joann's daughter, Leah.

2011 has been a very exciting year for me. I have graduated high school, started my freshman year at college, made new friends, and am starting to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.

Here are a few highlights from my life...

April- Chloe and I are on our way to Cancun, Mexico for spring break.

In Mexico, I made a friend with a dolphin.

June- I graduated from Minnetonka High School. Our ceremony was held at Grace Church in Eden Prairie.

July- I traveled to Poland with Wayzata Evangelical Free Church. We taught English to families using the Bible.

Over the summer, I enjoyed working at Al and Alma's.

August- I moved into Bethel University in St. Paul. This is a picture of my roommate and I during Welcome Week.

Since I've been in college, my friends and I have learned that study breaks are needed often.



Also, I have learned that Perkins is pretty amazing at 2am.

Although college students like to wear t-shirts and jeans, we can still dress up pretty nicely. My friends, Allison and Rachel, and I attended the Christmas banquet at Bethel in December.



December - As the year ends, it is nice to see our cousins again.

Have a great 2012!

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Twinsight 41 of 50: Have a Blessed Christmas

Lighthouse Media team
Peter Swenson, Dan West, Steve Swenson

Hi, this is Steve, Joann's husband.  Jo has invited me to share the Twinsight this week.

Our family attends Westwood Community Church in Chanhassen, MN.   Each Christmas Eve, Westwood donates its Christmas Eve offering to people in need, both locally and globally.  Though Lighthouse Media (where I work with Peter and Dan) does most of its work in the medical technology industry, we also do work supporting non-profits and ministry organizations.  

For a number of years, we’ve been asked by Westwood to produce the video that introduces the cause/ministry initiative that will receive the Christmas Eve offering.  A few years ago we produced a video that shares about Westwood's partnership in Malawi, Africa, with World Relief.  Sara Groves provided the music. Click here to watch it.

It's a reminder that Christ came for all, and asks us to reach out to all with His love. 

Wishing you a blessed Christmas.

Steve

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Twinsight 40 of 50: Live Life Out Loud

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! Hi, it's Chloe and I'm writing the blog this week...but I'm not into the writing thing so I'm just going to share some pics of highlights of my year...

In the spring I was in PINKALICOUS at Stages Theatre.
I was Dr. Wink (;

I also went to the GLEE concert! (In pic: Ali, Mollie, Jackie, ME, Heather, Leah.)
Favorite Part? MIKE CHANG, FINN, PUCK, AND BRITNEY.

This fall I went to homecoming for the first time with my FRIEND Jimmy and Heather and Perry.



Me with Mollie and Mikaylah at the HOLIDAZZLE :D

All in all I had a GREAT year! I made new friends. (In pic: Heather, Meredith, ME, Maddie, and Bree.)
I hope your year was as great as mine and that next year is even BETTER!
Love, Chloe <3

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Twinsight 39 of 50: See Life Through Your Dog's Eyes

Pabby howling, "I'm the king of my world!"

Hey, it’s Pabby, the Swenson family schnoodle. Welcome to my second blog post of the year. In my first post, I featured photos of some of my friends. I’ve been begging to post again, and now I finally have my shot. I deserve at least a couple of guest posts since I turned 50 this year, too…in dog years, of course.

I thought I’d start by telling you about the best book I read this year: The Art of Racing in the Rain which was written through the eyes of a fellow canine, Enzo. He’s observant and smart. It’s a good read and I highly recommend it. He inspired me to find my voice and give you insights into my family members through my vantage point - real, on-the-ground, daily life.

Leah, My Favorite

I’ll start with Leah, my favorite. She pleaded for me to join the family in the first place, named me after her imaginary friend, can find the sweet scratch spot on my back that makes me go wild, and kept every promise that she ever made to our parents about caring for me. Until now. Now she left me to live with a bunch of people who are strangers to me, read a lot of big books, and play with twerpy mice in a lab. And she doesn’t come home very often. Waaahhh! When she came home for Thanksgiving, I gave her many, many kisses but she still left again. Double waaahhh! I’m trying not to take it too personally and resign myself to periodic visits.

Leah and me



Chloe, My Friend Supplier

Through the years, Chloe has been cordial but between you and me, she's not exactly dog’s best friend. This morning she was frustrated that I was barking, and told me to shut up! But the squirrel who got to run all around MY yard was driving me crazy. Thank goodness for my perch (the spiral staircase) that allows me to keep watch on the whole animal kingdom of the area and keep them all at bay. Even though Chlo needs to up the love, there is some redemption because she has really energetic, good-looking friends. They are nice to me and speak to me in high voices which I love.

Chloe and me

Dad, My Maintenance Man

Dad is really good to me. He takes me to Glamour Pets (which is not as fru-fru as it sounds...) to get a big, big haircut when I’m getting too shaggy. And he arranges with our friend, Anne, to take care of me and let me run with the big dogs when my family goes out of town without me. And he takes me to see Drs. Jackie and Craig when I need check ups or swallow bright shiny objects. (Ask me about the quarter...definitely a bad idea in HINDsight...) As soon as dad drives in the driveway, I take my position with my front paws over the back of the couch ready to pounce on him as soon as he walks in the door. He's a good man to have around.

Dad, me and a humiliating costume

Mom, My Personal Trainer

I’m in really good shape, if I do say so myself. I have an "athlete's heart," the vet says, and quads of steel. I’ve trained my mom to get me outside most days for a walk or run. (Pssst...she’s slowing down. Kind of annoying, but I’m learning to live with it because I don’t have a choice. Really, who else am I going to train at this point in my life?) Here’s how the morning routine goes: I go outside, I eat, I make mom play fetch with me while she’s trying to do sit ups, I watch her read, I follow her to the bathroom, I bark until she comes out, I nip at her heels until she goes to the closet to get her running gear and the proverbial plastic bag, I eagerly await my leash, and, ahhh, I run like the wind. And yes, it’s all about me.

Mom and me

I love Christmas morning because I get this amazing treat - a bone with the beef jelly stuff in the middle that I can fixate on for hours. I'm really not sure what the rest of the fam does, but I'm good.

Gotta run. Figuratively and literally. Licks to you and yours this Christmas. And give your sweet puppy dog (or someone else's) a hug from us.

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Twinsight 38 of 50: Write Memories on Your Heart

Christmas 1998 with Mom, Chloe and Leah

Welcome to the wonderful craziness of  December where real life coexists (and sometimes collides) with the wonderment of the season...day-to-day work pressures intermingled with Christmas concerts and services...homework and finals alongside holiday parties...the pressure to sell wreaths followed by the joy of delivering one to the neighbors...shopping (which at least can start out fun) and hopefully leads to the satisfaction of finding something that will bring a smile to someone else.

You are in for a treat this month on Twinsights because you’re going to hear from my family. Our dog, Pabby, will share his perspective on life next week, and then Steve, Chloe and Leah will each share their highlights from 2011 in the ensuing weeks.

Today I'd like to encourage you to hit the pause button in life and think about Christmas memories that are etched in your mind. In her book, Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequest writes, “When you’re with someone else, you share each discovery, but when you are alone, you have to carry each experience with you like a secret, something you have to write on your heart, because there’s no other way to preserve it." 

Like me, you probably have some memories that you've experienced with family members, friends and even strangers, and others you've experienced on your own or with loved ones who have passed away. But each of us has a collection of memories of Christmas that is uniquely ours. What memories are etched on your heart? Here are some of mine.

In My 10s
Friends in my home town dropping off plates of goodies because they knew that my mom didn't like to bake. My mom and I filling the trunk with 10-pound bags of beautiful red potatoes and delivering them to friends around the county. Feeling sad that we only had three people in our family and then mom inviting friends with no family to join us for Christmas dinner. Watching my dad take off to go on his annual Christmas shopping trek (to the Citizens State Bank on Christmas Eve morning where the color of the gift was always just right - green). Lying on my bed and opening up my Bible for the first time to learn more about the Jesus I heard about.

In My 20s
Driving into the driveway and bounding into the house after college finals to the familiar aroma of smoked Hangikjot filling every square inch of the air. Hearing about Steve's small town experience of being picked up for speeding on his way up to spend Christmas with our family when we were engaged. (Officer - "Where are you going so fast, young man? ...Oh yah, Bill and Bernice...I know them and Joaaaaaann. Nice family. But I still need to give you a ticket. That will be $20.") Learning to appreciate new traditions with the Swenson family - especially singing carols and playing our instruments (but avoiding some of the Swedish foods).

In My 30s

Watching my dad fall in love with Leah when we brought her to North Dakota for her first Christmas after he had been skeptical about adoption. The joy of having children around. Establishing our own traditions - some from our childhoods and some of our own, like going to the Holidazzle on the night after Thanksgiving to launch the season.

Dad with Leah on Christmas 1993

Chloe on Christmas morning in 2003

In My 40s
The fun of working downtown during the holidays with the decorations, music and activity. Pausing from the normal speed of life to ponder the impact of Jesus' birth on my own life and how embracing His love can translate into loving others more completely. Driving to church on Christmas Eve in 2009 only to receive a call from my mom's doctor that she might not make it, and the four of us surrounding her hospital bed in tears and her pulling through that Christmas and giving us a couple more very sweet weeks.

This is my first Christmas in my 50s so I don't have any memories yet! What I most desire to do this season is to carve out little snippets of time to enjoy a concert, read the Christmas story with our family, and simply have a cup of coffee (or Chai for me) with friends. One of my college roommates, Cheri, wrote this poem that I wanted to share with you. It's so simple, yet so deeply true. 

With college roommates Cheri & Ruth last summer

Dear friend

Come sit awhile with me

The coffee’s familiar aroma

Brings pause

The world’s sadness, our intimate

Brokenness

Always there

But for now, please

Sit here with me, I want to

Laugh with you

And dismiss the seriousness

At Christmastime

We recall,

He comes for all times

Laden with gifts

Our necessities

Comfort,

Hope,

Joy

Dear friend

Merry Christmas!

- Cheri Brady

Blessings on your Christmas season as you cherish old memories and create some new ones.

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Twinsight 37 of 50: Express Your Own Hallelujah

Hope you're having a nice Thanksgiving. I appreciate how this holiday pulls us back from the daily grind and reminds us to be more thankful while giving us the opportunity to spend time with family and friends. I also appreciate the fact that the normal flow of email (not counting retail ads) slows way down for a few days. That reprieve is a welcoming blessing in and of itself! On the other hand, I also know that if plans don't fall in place to be part of a gathering or life is particularly challenging, any holiday can be lonely and the pain of life can be amplified.

Whatever's going on in your life today, I want to invite you to get into the Christmas spirit by taking a look at the this heart-warming video rendition of the Hallelujah Chorus. It's only four minutes and I guarantee that it will raise your spirits more than hours at the mall ever could. It was developed by the small Yupiq Eskimo Village of Quinhagak, Alaska, for a school computer project. Those who developed it intended it for other Yupiq villages in the area, but it's gone viral on YouTube. Thanks to our friend, John Quam, for sharing it with us.

We don't need to wait until our lives are all figured out before we come to God. He loves our humble praises...our expressions of gratitude even when life is far from perfect...our shouts of joy in any form and in any way. He invites us to come as we are. Hallelujah.

Twinsight 36 of 50: Reclaim Joy

I once heard Nancy Ortberg tell a story about how we can get off course in life sometimes. She and her family were in line to get ice cream cones—I believe it was on the Santa Monica pier—and who else happened to be in line but Tom Cruise. She was rather taken with him (what a smile!), and she said that her husband had the same initial reaction about Tom that every man has. He’s short. After they got through the line, Nancy couldn’t figure out what she’d done with the ice cream cone that she’d just bought. Tom turned to her and said, “Hey lady, it’s in your purse.”

Ah, how easily we can be distracted and hardly remember what we set out to do. That particular distraction was harmless, and the only repercussions were a little embarrassment, a fun story to tell, and a sticky purse. So no big deal. And other distractions can actually be good—like when you’re redirecting a toddler away from a tantrum or sitting by the bedside of a sick friend and talking about the Vikings. (Oh wait! No, that would make it worse!) But many distractions - especially very real, complex ones - can deter us from living the vibrant, difference-making lives that we desire, and often rob us of our joy in the present moment. And it can be even more challenging during the holidays.

When I asked the following questions via virtual and real live conversations, here’s what I heard from Angela, Suzanne, Barb, Jane, Fran, Lisa, Kim, Mary, Darsi and Darci, and have learned in my own experience.

What gets in the way of having joy in my life?  

• Living on the verge of exhaustion and having no margin with an ever-expanding to-do list.
• Trying to please everyone else.
• Not having a thankful attitude.
• My own negative internal messaging.
• Worrying about the economy, finances and work pressures and the swirling negativity.
• Saying yes when I should say no.
• Not having time for the really meaningful things in life.
• Seeing no way out of my challenging life circumstances, and regretting what got me here.
• Being lured into keeping up on the lives of acquaintances and celebrities, and not measuring up. 
• Having nagging "what if" fears about the people I love most.
• Technology continually ringing, beeping, chirping, pinging, or chiming for my attention.
• The expectation that I’ll respond instantaneously to any of the above noises.
• Spending a lot of time around someone who saps the life out of me.  
• Not trusting that God will listen and respond in the way I think He should.

I think that’s a long enough list! Can you relate to one or more of them? I sure can. Here are some ideas that I gathered for turning those joy-sucking distractions around.

How can I reclaim my joy?

• Resolve to make sure that none of the distractions listed above run my life.
• Look for the best in others and my circumstances. In her battle with cancer, my friend, Nancy, is an inspiring example of having a positive spirit.
• Seek God at a deeper level. Pray. And look around me for what God is doing and join Him.
• Do something that will bring joy to someone else.
• Take time to do something I love - like grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend, cross-country skiing, scheming a surprise party, or reading a good book. (BTW, our book club is reading Unbroken right now. Amazing story of resiliency.)
• Adjust my expectations. God promises us many things as we trust Him—His continual presence, joy and peace even in the challenges of life, His sovereignty in the world, salvation—but not a perfect life on earth.
• Click less. Or even declare email bankruptcy. Bold, I know.
• Believe in and work for something bigger than myself.
• Get help from a life coach or a therapist. Or vent to a close friend.
• Focus on what’s most important. Let go of the rest.
• Stop thinking about achieving balance and start thinking about being in the moment.
• Choose to live in a place of thankfulness.
 

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Twinsight 35 of 50: Simplify Thanksgiving

After our 2008 Thanksgiving walk: Leah, Sonia, Andrea & Chloe

We love to host Thanksgiving at our house for Steve's parents, his siblings and their families. And through the years, we loved when my parents could travel to be with us. It's such a great launch to the Christmas season, and the combination of flavors makes the house smell so wonderful. However, for a about a 10-year stretch, it seemed that one of my parents had a serious health problem on Thanksgiving and our plans were tentative. Actually, one year my mom and I spent Thanksgiving in the Grand Forks, ND, hospital when my dad was there, and it ended up being a really sweet time with them despite the fact we ate canned vegetable soup!

Through the years of having tentative plans, being a working mom, and also wanting to volunteer, I've learned to simplify our Thanksgiving so it's doable, meaningful, enjoyable, and relatively healthy. I've also wanted to fully involve our girls so they confidently know how to make a Thanksgiving meal. And they do! Here's how we roll.

In early November, we work with Steve's family to confirm where we're having Thanksgiving and what everyone will bring, and then I think through the menu which varies little from year to year. I also order a fully-cooked turkey from Lunds (just the turkey, not the dinner).

The weekend before, we go to Costco and buy all the ingredients that we can and order the rest online from Coborns Delivers in our usual weekly order.

The day before, I usually take the day off or at least the afternoon. I pick up the turkey, and then the girls and I prepare all the food that we can and set out the nice dishes so everything's ready to go. And I'm not sure why, but I love filling the house with classical music that day, in particular. When the girls were young, we put post-it notes on each serving dish so none of us would forget what goes where (which now again is helpful being in the 50+ crowd...).

The morning of, we usually volunteer which is our favorite part of the day, and then get home early afternoon.

The early afternoon of, we put the turkey in the oven (only takes an hour or two to heat up) and do last minute prep, and then our family comes and sometimes special friends who can join us. Our menu this year will be:

• Artichoke dip with veggies and pita triangles—Leah has a new recipe that she’s making this year.
• Turkey—A fully cooked one is the key to a simplified Thanksgiving.
• Gravy—Hardly anyone in our family eats it so I just buy one small jar and no one has ever complained!
• Stuffing and jellied cranberries—My in-laws always bring their favorite. 
• Mashed potatoes—Leah’s in charge of these. We try to get North Dakota potatoes when we can because they're the best!
• Roasted veggies—The day before, we'll roast sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts, carrots and onions with kosher salt and olive oil and serve them at room temperature. I think I'll serve the sweet potatoes on a bed of arugula, and the rest on an oblong tray.
• Tossed salad—My sister-in-law and her family will bring.
• Whole grain rolls.
• Pumpkin pie and ice cream—My brother-in-law and his family will bring.

In the late afternoon, but we pray, eat, love (trite, but true!)...pray with a heart of thankfulness...eat the wonderful meal...and love just hanging out, cleaning up the kitchen in the course of talking and laughing, and going for a nice, brisk walk.

Wishing you a simply wonderful time of preparing for and enjoying Thanksgiving.

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Twinsight 34 of 50: Ready Your Children for Life

Chloe and Leah around 2001

Last week I wrote about a little brush with fame in our neighborhood with Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian. Two days after I posted it, practically every media outlet in America was broadcasting the news that they’re divorcing after 72 days of marriage. Who knew? Obviously, not me! Even though I understand that this decision is common in high-profile marriages, I’m sad for them, particularly Kris, and continue to wish him the very best as he moves on with his life. And I’m sad, once again, for our kids and young adults who are looking for role models of lasting relationships.

The whole situation has prompted me to think about what Steve and I can continue to do to prepare our teenage girls to survive and thrive in this crazy world. Dr. Jay Barnes, the President of Bethel University, said something at a parent session during freshman welcome week that has really stuck with me. He said that the university wants to equip its students to have a storm-hearty faith. It’s a faith that’s built through living authentically and learning to trust God day-by-day in the realities of our world.

Yesterday Chloe asked me how I learned to figure out stuff as a parent—like how many peas you need to eat before you can have a treat, what time you need to put away your cell phone for the night, when you can date, etc. I told her the truth. Dad and I make it up as a go along! And then I told her that we rely on our faith, experience and friends, and read a book now and then.

The book I’ve gone back to many times is called, "Ready for Responsibility" by Dr. Bob Barnes (1997). (I don’t believe he’s related to the other Dr. Barnes.) He believes our kids are receiving wonderful training for performing in an adolescent arena (e.g., get good grades, play a sport, participate in music) as we serve as taxi drivers to the proper subcontractor! And we give lip service to the fact that we want them to learn the important things of life like long-term determination, but we live in the day-to-day madness. So are we training and preparing them to stand tall in the adult work and responsibly make decisions that will affect the rest of their lives? The three main questions he wants us parents to answer are:

Am I raising an employable child?
We need to equip our children with the skills they need to make informed decisions about their work life and weigh their aptitudes and preferences against job availability, location, and money. That involves helping them learn to take responsibility, figure out how do something when it’s not obvious, be humble enough to admit when they’re wrong and ask for advice, and work well with others. Easier said than done, right? The book has some practical tips that have worked well in our family. Since they were 13, we’ve given each of our girls a checking account with a debit card. We put their clothing budget in it for the year (on January 1) and then they add to it as they earn money. They buy their own clothes and gifts for others, and have become really good at managing their own money and not negotiating for clothes. Another tip we got from this book is to have clear household chores that they do as working members of the family with clear consequences that are meaningful to that particular child. And if you need to remind them, the consequence kicks in because learning to remember is just as important as doing the job. 

Am I raising a marriageable child?

We need to teach them how to choose a spouse and then build a life together in marriage, and be able to have strong personal family relationships and friendships. It involves raising them to reject the idea that the sole purpose of a family is to get their own personal needs met, living out the concept of “blending” which is mutually working together, learning to delay gratification, demonstrating faithfulness, and being observant of the needs around them. For better or worse, the book reminds us that our kids are watching us constantly, and what they believe about marriage and the type of spouse they will become is a lot about what they experience at home.

Am I raising a child who understands God’s purpose for his or her life?

The most significant area of life is a person’s private life…who we are on the inside. We need to teach our kids that we're each created for a purpose, and they are valuable and responsible to God. We’re pretty open and honest with our girls about challenging situations we face, and we pray about them as family and tell them how it’s going along the way so they see us making hard choices every day but within God’s grace.

Shopping with Leah and Chloe in August

I feel very inadequate when it comes to raising our children to be responsible adults.

But I'm continually learning to be authentic, take it one day at a time, and just enjoy them.

 

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Twinsight 33 of 50: Hope for the Best

We live in kind of a sleepy little neighborhood in the lakes area of the Twin Cities where the houses are close together and everyone loves the peace and serenity of the great outdoors while having access to the city. Nothing too exciting happens out here which is just fine with us.

We do, however, have one neighbor up the street who grew up in the area but now plays in the NBA. He has a house up the street which he stays in when he's in town. It's Kris Humphries. We don't know him personally but see him periodically driving to his house or in the surrounding area. And sometimes when I cross country ski on the lake with Pabby, his cute little dogs bark at us like crazy.

So that's not too big of a deal, right? Right. Until this past year. He dated, got engaged to, and married Kim Kardashian. If you don't know who she is, don't feel bad. I didn't either. But we're really in the minority.

And what does she really do? (By the way, if you ask that question, most likely you're over 40.)  Kim and the rest of the Kardashian empire made $65 million in 2010 through TV shows, fashion lines, books, perfume, music, jewelry, endorsements and the like, which was a couple mil more than Warren Buffett.

It seems that we either idolize and try (at a far distance) to keep up with people like Kim, or we completely trivialize, criticize and dismiss them. They've subjected themselves to public scrutiny, so somehow it's easy to justify. However, when they drive up and down your street and go to your neighborhood grocery store and your local fitness center now and then, they become more human and throwing verbal rocks seems wrong.

I don't idolize Kim or necessarily endorse the way she lives her life, but I do find myself curious about what's she's really like and what makes her tick. From what I can tell, she knows who she is and what she wants, and relentlessly pursues her current dreams and dreams she hasn't even dreamt. And she's really got the social networking thing down. I like using Twitter for business and am excited that I now have 134 followers. She has 10,749,002. Sheesh! And she actually makes big money on some of her tweets. On top of all that, she's brilliantly creative and never stops thinking of new ways to expand her brand.

The odds are stacked against them when it comes to them having a real and lasting marriage. As I walked through a couple of airports this week, I noticed at least two magazine covers that are already plotting their marriage's demise. But Kris and Kim have said they want a good marriage. I, for one, am going to give them the benefit of the doubt and hope for the best for them. That's what we do in our sleepy little neighborhood.

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Twinsight 32 of 50: Process Decisions with Purpose

Chloe and Heather...always ready to act out any emotion or scenario!

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Sometimes it's invigorating to make decisions throughout the day that move you in the right direction and make you feel like life's bumping along well. And other times when life is rocky and exhausting, decisions - even the little ones - seem burdensome. Then I wish my mom were just here to make them all for me. And as you're well aware, I'm 50!

For those of us in mid life, decisions might be around what our career paths or detours might look like given this economy...how we spend our never-enough-hours-in-the-day time...how to mend a broken relationship...how to discipline ourselves to stay healthy....how to wisely save and spend our money...how to keep up with the latest technology...how to spend time on what's most important.

For teens and young adults, decisions might be around whom to spend the majority of your face and virtual time with...what activities to participate in....where to go to college...where to find a part-time job...what to pursue as a career....whom to date...how to give back to society...how much to study vs. socialize vs. sleep. I've heard it said that in college you can can get good grades, have a great social life, and get enough sleep. But you can only pick two at a time!

I was talking with our friend, Loria, about how to process a particular decision in my life. And she said that her family uses this simple "FTDL" method in processing decisions. I found the steps extremely helpful, and wanted to share them with you, too. You can write down your answers, or just process them in your head.

• Feel. Take a deep dive into my emotions and own those emotions, even if I feel like I've made a mistake, am confused or hurt, am not proud of them, or don't know the answers. The emotions that keep coming to the surface will be the ones that are most honest and real. Emotions are as real as thoughts, and can distract or even paralyze us from moving on in life if we don't deal with them. Depending on the situation, this step might take a few minutes or months. Ugh, right?
• Think. What are the logical facts? And what am I thinking about the situation? What's my rational side saying? It may be completely opposite of your feelings about the situation, and that's okay. It's helpful to process what you're thinking so you can discover what's congruent with and different from your feelings. You can switch the order of feeling and thinking, but I find that sometimes the feelings are really shaping my decision making under the surface so it helps to start by identifying them.
• Do. Based on my feelings and thoughts, what should I do? What action do I believe God is leading me to take - maybe take a small step or make a big decision or something in between? Some people never take action, but I, for one, need to caution myself to not act rashly and be okay with living in the gray areas while I process.
• Learn. What did I learn from the situation? Am I completely done with it and ready to move on, or do I need to start with feelings and take a fresh look at it?

Try it. See what you feel and think. Move to what you can do about it and learn from it.

This process really helped me this past week, and hope it is helpful for you, too.

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Twinsight 31 of 50: Train Your Heart to Release

Leah with her roommate, Rachel

We sit here in the presence of miracles.

That’s one of the declarations that Campus Pastor Laurel Bunker made during the Welcome Week send off at Bethel University in August as she spoke to us parents and our freshmen as they launched their college careers.

Since then, I’ve found myself pondering that statement. Miracles…hmm… A miracle is defined as “an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause…a wonder, marvel.”

How true it was that we were sitting in the midst of miracles that day. For starters, what a miracle it was to have brought these young adults into the world in the first place through birth and adoption. And then to rear them for 18 years through the ups and downs of life and get to the point where we were releasing them into the next phase of their journey. On top of that, there’s the anticipated miracle of how God is going to transform each of them in the next four years. I fully realize that the act of releasing your child into adulthood does not happen at one point in time. But if there was a shift-in-control pivot point in the journey, it was that day.  

Although Leah’s only an hour away, she’s been very independent and we haven’t seen or heard too much from her. We went to a Bethel football game a few weeks ago, and I texted her after the game to see if she wanted to come over from the student section to say goodbye. She texted back with, "no I think i’m good." WHAT??? Actually, it was a great sign that she’s living her her own life.

So how do I release her to her future? I know that it's the right thing to do and she's obviously ready, but it's been harder than I thought. Maybe it's because you spend so many years in the day-to-day trenches of parenting, and you don't just climb out overnight. Or maybe it's because there’s no cookie-cutter formula for doing it. I’m learning that so much depends on the individual circumstances and personality of your young adult—maybe even more so than when he or she was in your home. So I’m learning every day, and I appreciate any and all advice so do share! I have gleaned insights recently from the experiences of friends with older daughters—particularly Solveig, Darsi, Loria, and Janet. Bless you.

I’m a complete novice, but here’s what I’m learning to do in the releasing process:

1) Step Back and Pray – I mentally take three steps back and start praying like crazy. I have a daily reminder set on my phone to pray for Leah around things like tenacity, courage, focus, strength, honest and fun relationships, and clarity. Pastor Laurel made an excellent point that has really stuck with me: praying for our young adults is the best way to influence them now.

2) Listen and Guide – Leah has a lot going on inside and out. I need to listen about 80% of the time and talk about 20%. I need to be attentive and ready to guide and advise her when there's an opportune moment, but I need to let her take the lead. And then if I feel really strongly about something, she will be able to hear what I have to say because I haven't been babbling incessantly!

3) Wait and Trust – While I wait in the wings, I need to live MY life to the fullest...live in what I’ve been given today and not think for a minute that I can or should control hers.  And I need to trust God with her future and release her into the incredible plans He has for her, and trust her because she has a really good head and heart and a strong foundation from which to build.

4) Repeat.

So tomorrow I will wake up and want to move into high-involvement mode (worry, wonder, meddle..STOP!), and then will look at my simple little diagram and retrain my heart to release. Does it become more natural over time? What has worked for you - either as the one releasing or the one being released?

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Twinsight 30 of 50: Find Your Banana Rhythm

I don’t know about you, but I hadn’t thought too much about the impact that Steve Jobs had on our lives until this week. All week we’ve seen and heard so much about his accomplishments and legacy, including the fact he was an adopted child which is near and dear to my heart. It’s astounding to think about how he provided society-changing leadership and innovation that was instrumental in turning our technology from something that was hard, cold and utilitarian into everything about the almighty "i." I loved how Peter Sagal on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me surmised that Steve is probably at the entrance to heaven giving St. Peter design advice - recommending that he use brushed aluminum instead of a pearly finish, and asking him to please drop the word "gates."

When I first entered the work world in 1983, I took a computer science class at the University of Minnesota because I wanted to learn more about computers. The whole experience was cave-like. It wasn’t a very popular class so it was relegated to some dark, dreary room with cinder block walls, and was taught by two caveman-looking, bearded guys who sounded really smart but were super confusing to follow. Although I didn’t  have the foresight to articulate it at the time, I felt frustrated by the coldness of a technology that had so much potential. It's so easy to think, "Hey, I should of thought of that!" when holding an iPhone, right?

So Apple’s already revolutionized the way we interact with technology. Where are we as a society going to take technology next? Maybe none of us will be the next Steve Jobs. But in our little corner of the world, maybe we can do our part to continually innovate and make the world a more personally-connected place. Maybe it's taking Apple concepts and turning them into Bananas.  Maybe we can create devices with a natural curve that hugs our face and our hands. Who knows. Here are the words I've put by my desk to spur me on to get into what I'll call my "banana rhythm"... you know, the groove that takes you outside the ranges of normal.

My Banana Rhythm

Simple

Connected
Innovation

Choose

Faith

Today

Here's what Steve had to say:

Simple – “Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clear to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.” (Jobs, Business Week, 1998)

Connected – “Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. … The reason they were able to do that was that they’ve had more experiences or they have thought more about their experiences than other people.” (Jobs, Wired, 1996)

Innovation – “It’s really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.” (Jobs, Businessweek, 1998)

Choose – "Do you have any advice," Nike CEO Mark Parker asked Jobs. "Well, just one thing, said Jobs. "Nike makes some of the best products in the world. Products that you lust after. But you also make a lot of crap. Just get rid of the crappy stuff and focus on the good stuff." (Jobs phone conversation with Parker shortly after Parker became CEO) 

Faith – "Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. … Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle." (Jobs, Stanford commencement address, 2005)

Today – “No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share.  No one has escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the best invention of life. It's life's change agent.  It clears out the old to make way for the new. ... Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. ...Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your inner voice."  (Jobs, Stanford commencement address, 2005)

I know this posting is a little off beat. But isn't that where it all starts? What moves you into a creative, "banana rhythm" of life? I'd love to hear your ideas.

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Twinsight 29 of 50: Hang on to Lifelong Friends



Erica and Jesse

Have you had the experience of going to a wedding of someone you've known since birth and saw grow up through the years? We had that experience last weekend in Chicago. The bride was Erica, and I met her mom, Loria, in my first job out of college, and we subsequently met her dad, Robert, right around the time Erica was born. We quickly fell in love with all three of them. And even though we haven't lived in the same city for most of the time we've known one another, we've managed to stay close friends.

Loria is one of those people you want to talk with for hours (and I have!). She says that strangers on buses and planes frequently pour their hearts out to her. She's a deeply spiritual person, an accomplished business professional, and a trustworthy advisor who brings a classy flair to everything she touches. Robert is a dear, soulful, wise man. And Erica is this amazing blend of the two of them - as beautiful as she is bold, and as warm as she is gutsy. Even if we don't see one another for a year or two, it's like time has stood still since the last time we had a deep conversation and really good laugh.

Leah & Chloe with Erica trying on a dress for a special dance

With Leah, Loria and Erica in downtown Chicago

Now we're looking forward to getting to know Erica's husband, Jesse, as he joins their family. He's a wonderful young man, and their wedding was simply magical - elegant and embracing all at once. As we met other friends of theirs, I just had to smile because it was so clear that what we feel for this family was universal among all of us. In God's providence, our lives had intersected with them somehow and are richer for it.

Last December on the day that Heidi, Sylvia, Loria & I helped Erica find her wedding dress!

Erica watching photos of her and her dad to "My Girl" at the reception

Reception...great fun with Steve & Heidi, in particular

When Leah turned 16, I asked some friends to secretly each write a note to her that I compiled in a book to give her as a "party in a book." Erica is a gifted writer, and had this wise counsel for her that tells you a lot about who she is and what she stands for:

• Remain true to yourself, and don't ever apologize to your critics for being who you are.
• Never forget who you are and where you came from.
• Always remember that your parents will always be there for you. Even when it may seem that you are totally alone or you may be facing something that you may not think that they can possibly understand for whatever reason, I guarantee you they can understand much better than you can ever imagine.
• Own your behavior. If you make a mistake or do something stupid, admit that you did it and learn from your mistakes. People will respect you so much more.
• Learn to love yourself and embrace your shortcomings. This may seem easy, but trust me, it is one of the hardest and most rewarding things you can do.
• Never hesitate to fight for what you think is right.
• Remember that falling in love is the easy part, but falling in love with the right person and working hard to make it work is what separates puppy love from true love.
• Don't give your heart away too easily to make sure whomever you give it to works hard to get your love and loves you for who you are.
• Hold on tight to your dreams and remember they are one thing no one can ever take away from you.
• Believe in yourself. It will make life much easier.
• Realize that if you have at least one person in your life who is truly your friend, one who won't tell your secrets, is your shoulder to cry on and accepts you for who you are, you are truly blessed.

Amen. Cherishing the blessing of lifelong friends today.

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