Twinsight 37 of 50: Express Your Own Hallelujah

Hope you're having a nice Thanksgiving. I appreciate how this holiday pulls us back from the daily grind and reminds us to be more thankful while giving us the opportunity to spend time with family and friends. I also appreciate the fact that the normal flow of email (not counting retail ads) slows way down for a few days. That reprieve is a welcoming blessing in and of itself! On the other hand, I also know that if plans don't fall in place to be part of a gathering or life is particularly challenging, any holiday can be lonely and the pain of life can be amplified.

Whatever's going on in your life today, I want to invite you to get into the Christmas spirit by taking a look at the this heart-warming video rendition of the Hallelujah Chorus. It's only four minutes and I guarantee that it will raise your spirits more than hours at the mall ever could. It was developed by the small Yupiq Eskimo Village of Quinhagak, Alaska, for a school computer project. Those who developed it intended it for other Yupiq villages in the area, but it's gone viral on YouTube. Thanks to our friend, John Quam, for sharing it with us.

We don't need to wait until our lives are all figured out before we come to God. He loves our humble praises...our expressions of gratitude even when life is far from perfect...our shouts of joy in any form and in any way. He invites us to come as we are. Hallelujah.

Twinsight 36 of 50: Reclaim Joy

I once heard Nancy Ortberg tell a story about how we can get off course in life sometimes. She and her family were in line to get ice cream cones—I believe it was on the Santa Monica pier—and who else happened to be in line but Tom Cruise. She was rather taken with him (what a smile!), and she said that her husband had the same initial reaction about Tom that every man has. He’s short. After they got through the line, Nancy couldn’t figure out what she’d done with the ice cream cone that she’d just bought. Tom turned to her and said, “Hey lady, it’s in your purse.”

Ah, how easily we can be distracted and hardly remember what we set out to do. That particular distraction was harmless, and the only repercussions were a little embarrassment, a fun story to tell, and a sticky purse. So no big deal. And other distractions can actually be good—like when you’re redirecting a toddler away from a tantrum or sitting by the bedside of a sick friend and talking about the Vikings. (Oh wait! No, that would make it worse!) But many distractions - especially very real, complex ones - can deter us from living the vibrant, difference-making lives that we desire, and often rob us of our joy in the present moment. And it can be even more challenging during the holidays.

When I asked the following questions via virtual and real live conversations, here’s what I heard from Angela, Suzanne, Barb, Jane, Fran, Lisa, Kim, Mary, Darsi and Darci, and have learned in my own experience.

What gets in the way of having joy in my life?  

• Living on the verge of exhaustion and having no margin with an ever-expanding to-do list.
• Trying to please everyone else.
• Not having a thankful attitude.
• My own negative internal messaging.
• Worrying about the economy, finances and work pressures and the swirling negativity.
• Saying yes when I should say no.
• Not having time for the really meaningful things in life.
• Seeing no way out of my challenging life circumstances, and regretting what got me here.
• Being lured into keeping up on the lives of acquaintances and celebrities, and not measuring up. 
• Having nagging "what if" fears about the people I love most.
• Technology continually ringing, beeping, chirping, pinging, or chiming for my attention.
• The expectation that I’ll respond instantaneously to any of the above noises.
• Spending a lot of time around someone who saps the life out of me.  
• Not trusting that God will listen and respond in the way I think He should.

I think that’s a long enough list! Can you relate to one or more of them? I sure can. Here are some ideas that I gathered for turning those joy-sucking distractions around.

How can I reclaim my joy?

• Resolve to make sure that none of the distractions listed above run my life.
• Look for the best in others and my circumstances. In her battle with cancer, my friend, Nancy, is an inspiring example of having a positive spirit.
• Seek God at a deeper level. Pray. And look around me for what God is doing and join Him.
• Do something that will bring joy to someone else.
• Take time to do something I love - like grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend, cross-country skiing, scheming a surprise party, or reading a good book. (BTW, our book club is reading Unbroken right now. Amazing story of resiliency.)
• Adjust my expectations. God promises us many things as we trust Him—His continual presence, joy and peace even in the challenges of life, His sovereignty in the world, salvation—but not a perfect life on earth.
• Click less. Or even declare email bankruptcy. Bold, I know.
• Believe in and work for something bigger than myself.
• Get help from a life coach or a therapist. Or vent to a close friend.
• Focus on what’s most important. Let go of the rest.
• Stop thinking about achieving balance and start thinking about being in the moment.
• Choose to live in a place of thankfulness.
 

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Twinsight 35 of 50: Simplify Thanksgiving

After our 2008 Thanksgiving walk: Leah, Sonia, Andrea & Chloe

We love to host Thanksgiving at our house for Steve's parents, his siblings and their families. And through the years, we loved when my parents could travel to be with us. It's such a great launch to the Christmas season, and the combination of flavors makes the house smell so wonderful. However, for a about a 10-year stretch, it seemed that one of my parents had a serious health problem on Thanksgiving and our plans were tentative. Actually, one year my mom and I spent Thanksgiving in the Grand Forks, ND, hospital when my dad was there, and it ended up being a really sweet time with them despite the fact we ate canned vegetable soup!

Through the years of having tentative plans, being a working mom, and also wanting to volunteer, I've learned to simplify our Thanksgiving so it's doable, meaningful, enjoyable, and relatively healthy. I've also wanted to fully involve our girls so they confidently know how to make a Thanksgiving meal. And they do! Here's how we roll.

In early November, we work with Steve's family to confirm where we're having Thanksgiving and what everyone will bring, and then I think through the menu which varies little from year to year. I also order a fully-cooked turkey from Lunds (just the turkey, not the dinner).

The weekend before, we go to Costco and buy all the ingredients that we can and order the rest online from Coborns Delivers in our usual weekly order.

The day before, I usually take the day off or at least the afternoon. I pick up the turkey, and then the girls and I prepare all the food that we can and set out the nice dishes so everything's ready to go. And I'm not sure why, but I love filling the house with classical music that day, in particular. When the girls were young, we put post-it notes on each serving dish so none of us would forget what goes where (which now again is helpful being in the 50+ crowd...).

The morning of, we usually volunteer which is our favorite part of the day, and then get home early afternoon.

The early afternoon of, we put the turkey in the oven (only takes an hour or two to heat up) and do last minute prep, and then our family comes and sometimes special friends who can join us. Our menu this year will be:

• Artichoke dip with veggies and pita triangles—Leah has a new recipe that she’s making this year.
• Turkey—A fully cooked one is the key to a simplified Thanksgiving.
• Gravy—Hardly anyone in our family eats it so I just buy one small jar and no one has ever complained!
• Stuffing and jellied cranberries—My in-laws always bring their favorite. 
• Mashed potatoes—Leah’s in charge of these. We try to get North Dakota potatoes when we can because they're the best!
• Roasted veggies—The day before, we'll roast sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts, carrots and onions with kosher salt and olive oil and serve them at room temperature. I think I'll serve the sweet potatoes on a bed of arugula, and the rest on an oblong tray.
• Tossed salad—My sister-in-law and her family will bring.
• Whole grain rolls.
• Pumpkin pie and ice cream—My brother-in-law and his family will bring.

In the late afternoon, but we pray, eat, love (trite, but true!)...pray with a heart of thankfulness...eat the wonderful meal...and love just hanging out, cleaning up the kitchen in the course of talking and laughing, and going for a nice, brisk walk.

Wishing you a simply wonderful time of preparing for and enjoying Thanksgiving.

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Twinsight 34 of 50: Ready Your Children for Life

Chloe and Leah around 2001

Last week I wrote about a little brush with fame in our neighborhood with Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian. Two days after I posted it, practically every media outlet in America was broadcasting the news that they’re divorcing after 72 days of marriage. Who knew? Obviously, not me! Even though I understand that this decision is common in high-profile marriages, I’m sad for them, particularly Kris, and continue to wish him the very best as he moves on with his life. And I’m sad, once again, for our kids and young adults who are looking for role models of lasting relationships.

The whole situation has prompted me to think about what Steve and I can continue to do to prepare our teenage girls to survive and thrive in this crazy world. Dr. Jay Barnes, the President of Bethel University, said something at a parent session during freshman welcome week that has really stuck with me. He said that the university wants to equip its students to have a storm-hearty faith. It’s a faith that’s built through living authentically and learning to trust God day-by-day in the realities of our world.

Yesterday Chloe asked me how I learned to figure out stuff as a parent—like how many peas you need to eat before you can have a treat, what time you need to put away your cell phone for the night, when you can date, etc. I told her the truth. Dad and I make it up as a go along! And then I told her that we rely on our faith, experience and friends, and read a book now and then.

The book I’ve gone back to many times is called, "Ready for Responsibility" by Dr. Bob Barnes (1997). (I don’t believe he’s related to the other Dr. Barnes.) He believes our kids are receiving wonderful training for performing in an adolescent arena (e.g., get good grades, play a sport, participate in music) as we serve as taxi drivers to the proper subcontractor! And we give lip service to the fact that we want them to learn the important things of life like long-term determination, but we live in the day-to-day madness. So are we training and preparing them to stand tall in the adult work and responsibly make decisions that will affect the rest of their lives? The three main questions he wants us parents to answer are:

Am I raising an employable child?
We need to equip our children with the skills they need to make informed decisions about their work life and weigh their aptitudes and preferences against job availability, location, and money. That involves helping them learn to take responsibility, figure out how do something when it’s not obvious, be humble enough to admit when they’re wrong and ask for advice, and work well with others. Easier said than done, right? The book has some practical tips that have worked well in our family. Since they were 13, we’ve given each of our girls a checking account with a debit card. We put their clothing budget in it for the year (on January 1) and then they add to it as they earn money. They buy their own clothes and gifts for others, and have become really good at managing their own money and not negotiating for clothes. Another tip we got from this book is to have clear household chores that they do as working members of the family with clear consequences that are meaningful to that particular child. And if you need to remind them, the consequence kicks in because learning to remember is just as important as doing the job. 

Am I raising a marriageable child?

We need to teach them how to choose a spouse and then build a life together in marriage, and be able to have strong personal family relationships and friendships. It involves raising them to reject the idea that the sole purpose of a family is to get their own personal needs met, living out the concept of “blending” which is mutually working together, learning to delay gratification, demonstrating faithfulness, and being observant of the needs around them. For better or worse, the book reminds us that our kids are watching us constantly, and what they believe about marriage and the type of spouse they will become is a lot about what they experience at home.

Am I raising a child who understands God’s purpose for his or her life?

The most significant area of life is a person’s private life…who we are on the inside. We need to teach our kids that we're each created for a purpose, and they are valuable and responsible to God. We’re pretty open and honest with our girls about challenging situations we face, and we pray about them as family and tell them how it’s going along the way so they see us making hard choices every day but within God’s grace.

Shopping with Leah and Chloe in August

I feel very inadequate when it comes to raising our children to be responsible adults.

But I'm continually learning to be authentic, take it one day at a time, and just enjoy them.

 

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