Twinsight 15 of 50: Be Your Best You

August 26, 1993, and June 12, 2011, and were two of the most memorable days of my life. They were both days on which people came around us to celebrate our daughter, Leah. There is something that makes my heart just about burst with joy when other people take time to get to know our girls, and love them for who they are. I want to do that for others as well.

On that day in 1993, Leah arrived to us from South Korea via the Northwest Airlines stork at the Minneapolis St. Paul airport during the days when non-ticketed passengers could go to the gate. As you can see at the beginning of the video below, family members and friends surrounded us as we received her into our arms for the first time. She had a calm and serene spirit about her that has continued to this day.

Sometimes people will ask if we regret not having a birth child…you know, someone who has our genes. I actually have no regrets because without our genes, our children have the chance to be beautiful and smart in things like physics. And low and behold, she’s both. She’s not a stereotypical 18 year old. She has a deep, quiet strength, and is like a “horse whisperer” with animals and special needs kids. She also loves the adventure of experiencing a wide range of places in the world, and has a responsible head on her shoulders. She carefully guards her heart, and is a true friend.

A couple of weeks ago, family members and friends (some who were also at the airport in 1993) came around us again to celebrate her graduation from Minnetonka High School. If you've hosted a grad party, you'll get this. It's more work than it appears, unnerving to not know how many people are going to come and if the weather will cooperate, but a ton of fun. At the graduation ceremony a few days earlier, I loved how Principal Dave Adney encouraged the students to be their best for the world. It does make you pause when you think that as an individual, you are the only one impacting the world in a positive way with your unique blend of gifts, abilities and passions. I’m excited to see how Leah will make her corner of the world a better place as she embarks on the next chapter of her life.

Many thanks to the Lighthouse Media guys - Peter, Dan and Steve - for creating this video of photos that span these two dates. Enjoy.

Leah Swenson Grad Video - June 2011

Steve * Chloe * Leah * Jo
Grad Party 6.12.11

Twinsight 14 of 50: Observe and Learn from Dads

Throughout the course of my life, I've had the privilege of being around a lot of great dads. Dads may not typically give as much verbal advice as moms, but you can learn a lot as you observe their behavior. The three outstanding ones whom I've had the opportunity to spend the most time with are my dad, my father-in-law and my husband, and I'd like to share one lesson I've learned from each of them.

From my dad, Bill Hall, I learned that it's important to teach your kids to make decisions and then let them. He was 43 when I was born, and I was an only child, so he sort of treated me like one of the adults. He gave me responsibility at an early age, and taught me through his experiences in running a farming business with his brothers, dealing with the associated risks, and doing everything you could to make high-quality products. In North Dakota, you could drive as early as your feet could reach the pedals and get your official license at age 14, so I was independent pretty early. When I was a junior in high school, I mentioned to my dad that I wasn't sure where to go to college or what to major in. He said, "Well, it's about time you figure that out. And make sure you study something you really like because you'll be spending a lot of time doing it." That was the extent of his advice, which frustrated me at the time, but forced me to look inside and make decisions I could live with. Now when I'm faced with a tough situation - particularly in the business world, I think, "What would Bill Hall do?" I can always stand tall when I do what he would have done.

My dad, Bill Hall

From my father-in-law, Don Swenson, I continue to learn to teach your kids to be lifelong learners. He's an incredibly curious man who is continually learning about areas he's interested in - like health, history, architecture, antiques, clarinets, Sweden - but also learning new things as he meet people and finds out all about them. I love how he cares about others and wants to always learn and grow. The girls have learned a lot from him as he quizzes them to keep them sharp and tells them interesting stories. His perspective on life definitely keeps him young and vibrant.


My father-in-law, Don Swenson, teaching Leah and Chloe to fish

From my husband, Steve Swenson, I've learned to teach your kids to enjoy day-to-day life. Our girls genuinely like hanging out with Steve. He banters with them, watches movies with them, teases them, prays with them, schleps them from point A to point B while singing with them in the car, does chores with them so it's not so much of a burden, participates in their activities, and studies with them. He even empathizes with them. (Two nights ago: "Oh yeah, that is a really cute snapping turtle crossing the road. No, we cannot pick him up but he'll be fine." Next morning: "Oh, I see it...the cute turtle got run over. I'm sure he didn't suffer a bit.") They are blessed to have a great dad, and I'm blessed to learn from him.


My husband, Steve Swenson, with Leah and Chloe





Twinsight 13 of 50: Arrange Life Around What's Most Important

Repeat after me: I can make a difference, but I cannot do it all. I can make a difference, but I cannot do it all.

Assuming that you agree with that mantra, how do we live it out? One way is to follow daily routines to stay grounded which was advice that I shared last week from those of you who gave me input. I'm also continually learning - and also hearing from many of you - that it's critical to arrange life around what's most important. So what does that mean in practical terms?

• Enjoy the Roller Coaster. (It Does Stop.) Picture yourself on the fastest ride you've ever attempted. Exhilarating and unnerving probably, but it did eventually end. If you're in a season that is over-the-top busy as I am, remember that this level of pressure is temporary. The ride does stop moving and you do get to put each foot on the ground once again. Two seasoned moms with young adult children have keen insights. "Things will indeed slow down - not to boredom - but to the point that you have the ability to run your life rather than it running you," writes Dawn. And Roxane reflects, "Sometimes it felt like I just had to hang on tight and go for the ride and enjoy the scenery because it really does go by fast." Envisioning more reasonable-paced times on the horizon gives me fresh energy to enjoy the important ride now.
• Juggle Fewer Balls. For some reason, I can't get it through my head that everything can't be of equal importance at the same time! I'm learning that I need to make sure that the activities I'm juggling are the right ones, which means setting some aside for the time being and being planful about the way I manage our family calendar. Steph writes, "I'm trying to work on saying no or not volunteering for things when the week/month is starting to feel too stressful. Zenbe.com and Google Calendar do a great job of keeping us organized and on the same page."
• Stay Flexible. Just when life is mapped out, a curve ball comes out of nowhere, right? Or what looks fine on the screen or paper is just not working. When I'm feeling overwhelmed and perplexed, I usually panic or fret first (ugh!) but eventually I think through a quick checklist in my mind. Is the barrier primarily intellectual, emotional, physical or spiritual? Then I figure out the most realistic way to adjust - e.g., work from my home office when I have a work challenge and need a quick block of writing time (intellectual), call a friend to get her perspective (emotional), go for a run to clear my mind (physical), or read a Psalm (spiritual). Julie writes, "A finite resource that we all have is time. How we choose to spend it depends on what our priorities are. When I do have some control of my own time at home with too many things to do, I sometimes step back and ask, 'Is this really important right now?' Asking this question helps shift my focus at times. For me, the shift is usually to spending more time with people I care about."
• Involve God. God is not a free vending machine (press button, get requested item). But for some mysterious reason, He desires a relationship with us and is moved when we pray. Sometimes I pray and my circumstances change (right away or over time). And sometimes the circumstances are the same but my heart changes. Either way, it's always a positive outcome. Here's what Bev does to keep life in balance: "Immediately surrender the situation and myself to the Lord Jesus, try to obey the principles that you shared [in earlier blog], pray, pray, pray, and be ready for people who God is prompting me to speak to or help...then count on Him for wisdom and grace for every time of need." Roxane adds that she "...prayed for emotional strength, physical stamina, and peace with the choices we all made" in the course of an intense season of life.
• Give Yourself Grace. I wish I would have ________________. What's in your blank? For me, one thing is volunteered more at school through the years. When I feel a pang of disappointment or guilt about what I haven't done or am missing out on, I write it down along with the circumstances that kept me from doing it at the time, and decide if there's anything that I can do about it now. If so, I do it! If not, toss the paper and try to put it behind me. Steph says, "I think the best thing (and the hardest thing) I do is let myself off the hook once in awhile. No one else will care if the laundry sits in the dryer one more night, the cookies for the party are store bought and not homemade, or that I sent a card from Target and didn't make a crafty one myself."

So here's to arranging our lives around what's most important with some planning, a healthy dose of flexibility and prayer, and a lot of grace. I'd love to continue to share your great insights so keep them coming!

Twinsight 12 of 50: Follow Daily Routines to Stay Grounded

I'm not alone. Life moves crazy fast for many of you, too. Thank you for your input about life balance in conversations and emails - not only this past week, but in the course of doing life with many of you. I heard two general themes. The first is that it's important to follow daily routines to stay grounded. The second is that it's critical to arrange life around what's most important. I'll start with the daily routines.

Remember the book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen Covey's best-known book? Shortly after it came out in 1989, my work team took a class about the habits. Individually and collectively, we learned to weave them into the way we worked and lived. Here are the first 6. Be Proactive. Begin with the End in Mind. Put First Things First. Think Win-Win. Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood. Synergize.

The 7th is Sharpen the Saw which about balancing and renewing your resources, energy and health to create a sustainable long-term effective lifestyle. The analogy comes from the woodcutter who continues to saw and saw and saw without taking the time to sharpen his tool, and he becomes increasingly less productive because of his dull blade. What I heard from many of you is that you'd put this one first because building daily routines into your life is the only way to make the rest of life work. The other interesting thing I found was that having regular routines was not exactly about being balanced. Balance is rather elusive and feels like a defeating goal when we can never arrive.

"I don't look for balance in my life as much as simply keeping grounded so that I can continue to work and function at an optimal level," writes Nick.

Here are some of the daily routines that you said are important for grounding:

• Exercise and Eat Right. We're not talking extreme sports here, people! What's most important, regardless of your age, is to exercise every day (even if it's 10 minutes). And it's important to eat right, which for most of us means finding a healthful pattern that generally works (with treats sprinkled in!) and have the discipline to stick to it.
• Connect with God. Anne says it's very simple for her. She advises: "Pray alone, sitting with your Bible open and a notebook ready to hear from the Lord or just cry out to Him with all you need to say. And run/walk alone outside in the open, fresh air and again, pray, pray, pray...then be silent."
• Deal with Incoming Mail. Between every type of paper and electronic media available these days, many of us find it frustrating to keep on top of all the things we need to read and make decisions about. Louise advises: "Handle your mail/paperwork one time only. Shred it, recycle it, pay the bill/record in checkbook, call, or do whatever - right away each day! This makes it easier to notice mistakes made by those billing you, spot ads in the junk mail that you might use, mark dates on your calendar. I tell my kids that there will be something in their mail about once a month that is wrong and it will cost them if they don't follow up."
• Maintain the House. Ugh...it can totally get away from us when life is crowded. Steve, my husband, is really good about setting certain days to do particular chores - like Wednesdays and Saturdays to do laundry and Saturday to cut the grass. "Having regularly routines makes life less stressful because you feel like you have some semblance of order around the house," he says. "And although it's sometimes easier to just go and do it myself, we've worked hard to involve our kids in the chores because it helps all of us."
• Rest. Rest when you need to and don't feel bad about it. Janet, who actively exercises, stays refreshed spiritually and connects with a wide range of people in her work and personal life, also says, "Take naps with your dog when you feel tired." (I want to do that right now!)
• Reach Out. Many of you said it's important to have regular touch points with people you care about throughout your day and have people who are lifelines. "Talk to someone who can relate to similar stresses," recommends Polly.

I agree with David O. McKay who said, "The greatest battles of life are fought out every day in the silent chambers of one's own soul." There are many joys to be discovered every day, but also battles to be fought - both internally and externally. As we follow healthful daily routines, I believe the joys surface more readily and we're stronger for the battles.

Next week I'll share what we're collectively learning about how to live out what's most important in life. I'd love to continue to hear from you.