Twinsight 24 of 50: Don't Underestimate a Small Town

Cousins Connie, Ruthie, Kristi and Dorothy with me

As you may know, I grew up in a town of a few hundred people in North Dakota. What comes to mind when I say that? Through the years, particularly from people I've met from outside the Midwest, I've had questions along the lines of...

• Were you born in a barn? (No. As a one-time mom at age 41 in March of 1961, my mom drove herself to her doctor's appointment in a larger town of a couple thousand people. Her doctor decided to admit her to the small hospital there, and she delivered me and then called my dad to tell him that they had a daughter. So no, it was not a barn but it was a little unusual.)
• Did they have schools there? (Yes, but I had to walk six miles, uphill both ways. Sheesh. No, actually, we had grades K-12 and vehicles galore to get around.)
• Did it ever stop snowing? (Hey, I know that it's not 120 every day in Phoenix, so you should know it's not snowing every day in ND. As a matter of fact, it was 85 and sunny during my last visit.)
• How many restaurants were there in your town? (Two when I lived there, but none now. But there are so many great cooks so who needs a restaurant? And they have good pizza at the Cenex station.)
• Could you go to a gym to work out? (There were no health club options, but I did manage to get exercise through formal and informal school sports. And I did start running when I lived there. However, to this day when I visit, someone in a pick up or golf cart invariably stops and asks me if I need a ride. And by the way, in North Dakota it's a "pick up," NOT a "pick up truck.")
• Did you know everyone? (Pretty much. As a matter of fact, I was related to healthy percentage of the people in the county. And I've had the experience several times of someone calling our home by mistake and then proceeding to talk for 20 minutes because, of course, it was a friend or relative.)
• How close is the nearest Starbucks? (Now THAT'S a good question. I believe it was 400 miles away in Minneapolis until recent years. Now there are several only 75 miles away in Grand Forks. Wahoo!)

Cousins Jackson, Taylor, Joe & Sam with Leah & Chloe
Gotta love the height difference between Chloe and Joe:)

Despite the fact that life is on a smaller scale and every opportunity isn't at your fingertips (oh, and the winters are crazy cold), it is a pretty great way to live and I feel incredibly blessed for having spent my first 18 years there. In my experience, here's what you'll generally find in small towns. Well-adjusted people with strong EQ. True blue, honest, authentic, loyal friends. A less complex, down-to-earth life. Hardworking, responsible, smart farmers running high-tech businesses in a global economy. And people who have a genuine faith, can make the best of any situation, and are simply there for you no matter what.

A glimpse into the farm with cousin Fred

But don't take my word for it. Here are a couple of amazing facts. North Dakota has a bustling economy, which in turn, has resulted in the nation's lowest unemployment rate. Per this recent USA TODAY article, "The state's unemployment rate hasn't touched 5% since 1987. The state's per capita income rose over the decade from 38th in the nation to 17th, the biggest advance of any state."

And North Dakota was the #2 state on Gallup's wellbeing index that came out this week. Hawaii was #1. Since competing with Hawaii is completely unfair, ND is #1 to me.

If you have a chance to spend time in a small town, I encourage you to do so. No place is perfect, but small towns certainly provide a good way to get grounded in what's real and lasting. And they simply warm your heart.

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Twinsight 23 of 50: Sneak in One More Summer Book

I'm always a little melancholy as summer comes to an end...the end of another season of warmer, more carefree days without school schedules and activities, and enjoying all the outdoor activities around the wonderful Minnesota lakes and trails. At the same time, I love fall. Part of me is looking forward to a little more structure to life, pulling out the sweaters, running and biking without sweating like a pig, and watching soccer and football games out in the fresh, crisp air.

With the transition, there's also the fun of pulling out last year's school supplies and clothes and doing some start-of-high-school and start-of-college shopping with the girls. And then there's the garage that desperately needs cleaning, closets that need organizing, fall work trips that need to be planned, and the graduation photos from early June that still need sorting. But I also want to sneak in one more book. I really don't have time. And maybe that's true for you, too. I do think, though, that I'm a better family member, friend and consultant when I'm keeping my mind fresh and I'm learning from others' experiences. So there. That's my justification!

What are you reading, skimming, or guiltily looking at on your night stand these days? I recommended some books in a blog post on May 1, 2011, including The Help (Kathryn Stockett, 2009). Have you read it or seen the movie? I haven't seen the movie yet, but am looking forward to catching it soon.

After doing that post, some of you shared your book recommendations, and I wanted to share them with all of you in case you're looking for one last good summer read. I haven't read any of them yet so I need to choose one. Hmm... Click on the titles to open links to more information about each one.

• Cutting for Stone (Abraham Verghese, 2009), recommended by Susan.
• Independent People (Halldor Laxness, 1955), recommended by Pam.
• Half the Sky (Kristof and WuDunn, 2009), recommended by Aimee.
• The Girls from Ames (Zaslow, 2009), recommended by Karri.
• Lucky Girl (Hopgood, 2009), recommended by Janet.
• Do The Work (Pressfield, 2011), recommended by Darcy.
• When It Pours, He Reigns  (Wagner, 2004), recommended by Barb.
• Culture of Honor (Silk, 2009), recommended by Andrea.
• The Art of Racing in the Rain (Stein, 2008), recommended by Sue.
• Bonhoeffer (Metaxas, 2010), recommended by Kevin.
• Breakthrough Prayer  (Cymbala, 2003), recommended by Jennifer.
• Anything by Bill Holm, recommended by Kathy.
• Lit (Karr, 2009), recommended by Mary.
• One Thousand Gifts (Voskamp, 2010) recommended by Kristin.

Here's to squeezing every ounce out of these fleeting summer days!

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Twinsight 22 of 50: Balance Confidence with Humility

Steve Wagner

Today is my last of four posts featuring friends of mine who are age 50+. Each of them is particularly gifted at one of these leadership qualities that can converge in your 50s - energy, interdependence, wisdom, and humility. I'm excited to introduce you to Steve Wagner. When I thought about leading with a measure of humility, he was the first person who came to mind. I had the privilege of working with Steve at Hewitt Associates (now Aon Hewitt) before he retired in 2006. When I went to client meetings with him, he was usually the smartest, most experienced person going to the meeting, and also had modestly prepared the most. So where did that humility come from, and how does it strengthen his leadership? Here's what he had to say.

How did you get started in the business world?
I grew up on a farm in Nebraska, and started working when I was 13. When I went to the University of Nebraska (yes, I bleed red), I decided to study math because it was always easy for me. Because I didn't have to study, I could also work and socialize. I didn't really want to teach, and one of my math teachers said, "You should be an actuary." It sounded kind of interesting, so I took the first of 10 actuarial exams and passed it.

I graduated from college in 1971, and then joined the Army for three years. When I was discharged, I learned that through the GI bill, the Army would pay for me to get my Masters in Actuarial Science at Nebraska as well. When I was graduating in 1976, I interviewed with eight companies that came to campus - four consulting firms and four insurance companies. Because ERISA (Employee Retirement Income Security Act) had just passed and there was a real need for actuaries, all eight organizations offered me a job. I ended up deciding to join Hewitt Associates because consulting sounded interesting, and my mom and I thought there was just something classy about Hewitt. My dad didn't want me to work in the big city of Chicago, but I told him I'd be in the suburb of Lincolnshire where there was bound to be some cows and chickens nearby. I worked in Lincolnshire for four years - working 40 and studying 20 hours a week while continuing to pass the exams.

One day in 1980 after I'd passed all my exams, the manager of the actuarial practice came into my office and presented me with a decision. He asked if I wanted to be an actuary working in the office on client projects or an account manager out with clients. I said that I'd rather be out meeting people. The next thing I knew, the Hewitt CEO offered me the opportunity to open another office. Of the options, I chose Denver. I was 31 and starting the adventure of my life. Computers were just starting to get good, and the fax machine had just come out. I remember the first time I saw a fax come through our machine. It was like magic!

I obviously had no experience running anything, but I did know how to work hard. I committed to learn something every time I got hired for a project and apply it to my future work. In 1984, the Denver office was running successfully, and I was asked to move to the Minneapolis office. "Too cold!" I said, but somehow they persuaded me, and I've lived here ever since. Because my first love was solving complex retirement design issues for clients and I never really liked the internal management part, I was able to carve out a great niche.

With all your accomplishments, how do you live with confidence yet stay humble?
I really don't think I'm a great leader and not really a great people manager, and I used to tell the big wigs at Hewitt that. But I have learned to capitalize on my strengths and the talents that God has given me. Through a "Living Your Strengths" program, I discovered my top five strengths in the Strengthfinders model:

1) Harmony - building consensus and focusing on what brings us together.
2) Responsibility - taking the lead in getting things done.
3) Includer - accepting everyone and casting few judgments.
4) Communication - being able to explain things clearly.
5) Input - gathering ideas and insights from everyone along the way.

How have you been spending your time since you retired?
At least five years before I retired, I started reading about retirement and planning what I'd do. Everything in my life revolved around my job and I was going 100 mph, so it was important for me to learn how to make the transition well. Now I'm as busy as when I was consulting, but I don't really have stress.

I've been spending a lot of time with my family. My wife, Dee, has had some significant health issues, so it's been a blessing to have more time to devote to her as well as our two sons who've been at home, and our adult daughters and their families. And I'm involved in volunteer work at our church around issues that are important to me and what I believe Jesus would do. I'm on a justice counsel in the southwest suburbs with the goal to make a dent in eliminating poverty in our corner of the world. It's amazing how close homelessness and poverty are to us in suburban America. I also like to cook, garden, and take fishing trips with my brother.

I've also tried to become more humble. You can always do better.

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Twinsight 21 of 50: Intentionally Grow in Wisdom

Art, Jo, Steve, Esther

A few weeks ago, I introduced the idea that four leadership qualities can converge in your 50s—energy, interdependence, wisdom and humility. I’ve really enjoyed gaining insights from four friends who are age 50+ about these qualities. Today I’d like to reflect on what I’ve learned from Pastor Art Grimstad about the core role that wisdom plays in leadership. At nearly age 93, he continues to be an amazingly wise, godly man, and a devoted husband to his wife, Esther, who will soon be 95.

Pastor Grimstad (whom we fondly call "Grimy") was a professor of ours at Concordia College in Moorhead, MN. As a matter of fact, he is the teacher who had the most profound impact on my life. In addition to taking a biblical studies class from him, both Steve and I attended his packed-house weekly bible study during our college years and were under his leadership when we traveled with Christian music teams. Then, along with other engaged couples, we had the privilege of meeting with both Art and Esther each week throughout our senior year for group premarital counseling, ending with him marrying us after we graduated.

Throughout his life, he has served in many roles including student, husband, father, grandfather, pastor, teacher, small group leader, visionary, development leader, global ministry advocate, counselor, and friend. As I think about his life and influence on me, I am struck by the the fact that he didn’t just wake up one day wise. He has intentionally taken actions to grow in wisdom. He:

1. Asks for Wisdom. When you hear him talk about his life experiences - from recovering from a challenging childhood illness to leading the Billy Graham Crusade in Fargo, it's striking how his life has had many ups and downs but he has humbly sought God's wisdom at every turn. He embodies James 1:5: "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." How many times am I perplexed and have simply forgotten to ask and wait on God? I guess instant gratification and wisdom don't belong in the same sentence!
2. Shares Wisdom. His first love is small group teaching, and he is an absolute master at it. He has a way of sharing his knowledge and insights in a digestible, practical way that makes you want to learn and grow more. And he has impacted hundreds of lives. Even today, he gives the chapel messages in their senior apartment building each week (to a full house), and deftly meets people where they're at and helps them grow.
3. Cultivates Wisdom. When we visited the Grimstads this weekend, Steve and I were both struck by how he is still continually learning and discovering new ways that God is moving. He is reading a book about what's going on in the Middle East, and actively involved in a couple of global ministries. He continues to grow in wisdom and discernment, yet never feeling as if he's arrived.

His best piece of wisdom for us was a point he made over and over during our engagement, and reiterated in his meditation at our wedding. Remember that love is a choice. There will be days when you don’t feel loving and don’t want to love. But you wake up and choose to love. It’s simple, challenging, and life changing.

Thank you, Grimy, for profoundly impacting my life and spurring me on to continually seek wisdom.

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Twinsight 20 of 50: Live Interdependently with Gratitude

A couple of weeks ago, I introduced the idea that four qualities can converge in your 50s—energy, interdependence, wisdom and humility. Four friends of mine who are age 50+ have graciously allowed me to interview them about one of these qualities. This week, I’d like to introduce you to an amazing woman, Bernice Flanagan. At age 74, she continues to work 10-hour days running her business, The General Store, in my hometown of Edinburg, North Dakota. She and my mom shared the same name and many common experiences and values, so she’s particularly dear to me.

As a business and community leader, I’m amazed at the way she lives so interdependently – really living and working in her community and beyond every day with an underlying sense of gratitude. How does she do it? Here's what she had to say.

How did you get started with your business? In 1982, my husband, Jim, our sons James (age 19) and Joe (age 9), and I were living a wonderful life in the farming community of Nash, North Dakota, when our lives changed dramatically. Jim died suddenly. I needed to quickly make decisions about where to live and how to support my boys and me. I decided to move to Edinburg and started selling World Book encyclopedias, becoming a district manager covering several counties. Everything just fell into place…it was pretty amazing. But the traveling was getting really tiring. Then in 1993, a “for sale” sign came up on the hardware store. I didn’t have any retail experience, but I knew I could learn. So I made an offer. As it turned out, three men and I became partners and bought the store. A year and a half later, the store burned to the ground but we didn’t let that stop us. Our business reopened in what was the Community Hall, a 1938 Works Progress Administration (WPA) project of the depression era. As time went on and changes came about, I eventually became the sole owner and now I get to "play store" Monday through Saturday! What I enjoy most is when a group like a Birthday Club, Red Hats group, or Senior Citizens Club books a tour and I have the opportunity to tell the history of the store, the story of the trains, show and tell them about the oxcart with its history, and let them experience the beauty and charm of our well-kept Small Town, USA.

As you've worked with people through the years, what have you learned? Throughout the year, I am always learning from customers as well as the hardware and gift market events that I attend four times a year. I've also learned that there are two vital components to making our life at the store enjoyable - coffee and fun. My helpers and I start the morning with coffee which gives us the opportunity to talk about the day in a positive, harmonious way. Coffee just always helps! I've also learned that it's important to have as much fun each day as possible. We draw customers from all over, and I love visiting with them. It seems like there's always something to laugh about. The children especially like playing with Muffin, the General Store Kitty, who always seems to get us laughing.

How have you had the courage to take risks along the way? It hasn't always been easy. My boys and I have worked very hard. And I've had to make some big decisions - like moving to Edinburg and buying the store - when I haven't known what to do. But I'm proud to say that they both graduated from college debt free. And other than losing my husband early in life, my life has been filled with many blessings as I simply trust God with each day.

  

What keeps you going? I have some quotes that sum up what I believe and how I want to live my life: 

• "I am rich in blessings. I don't have a desire to be wealthy, but I hope when it's all said and done that I have made a difference."
• "You're never poor as long as you have a dream."
• "The highest form of satisfaction in life is helping others."
• "It's such a gift to do work that you love to do, and then have that work be something that you're so proud of."
• "You make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give. But the real secret of happiness is what you share."

What’s on the horizon for Bernice? When she turns 75 next year, she’s hoping to write a memoir. In the meantime, I'm quite confident she'll continue to learn and make a difference in others' lives.

 

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