It's January 1. Are you ready for the new year? I'm not sure if I am. Ready or not, here we go!
In the course of thinking and praying about the year ahead, I took a fresh look at Dr. Henry Cloud’s book The Law of Happiness. As I thought about the treadmill of life that will reset to high speed on Monday, I felt a sense of sadness and remembered that Dr. Cloud has some keen insights.
What factors do you think contribute to our happiness? See if this breakdown surprises you as much as it did me:
In the course of thinking and praying about the year ahead, I took a fresh look at Dr. Henry Cloud’s book The Law of Happiness. As I thought about the treadmill of life that will reset to high speed on Monday, I felt a sense of sadness and remembered that Dr. Cloud has some keen insights.
What factors do you think contribute to our happiness? See if this breakdown surprises you as much as it did me:
1. Our natural wiring
|
50%
|
2. Things directly under our control
|
40%
|
3. Circumstances
|
10%
|
Our natural wiring (genetics and temperament) are about half the reason that our personal happiness level is what it is. Circumstances only account for 10%! The other 40% are things under our control—like our behaviors, thoughts and intentional practices.
I don’t know about you, but it’s easy for me to fall prey to thinking that “if only X” (better this, better that, new this, new that), then I’ll be happy. Research, spiritual wisdom and common sense all confirm that while many new and better inputs in our life have value, none can bring much sustainable happiness.
Why? Dr. Cloud goes on to say that:
· Circumstantial happiness does not last. There is some sort of “set point” to our level of happiness that we carry around, almost like a thermostat. Our temperature may go up for awhile (e.g., fall in love, get a raise), but research has shown that we come back down to the place we were before.
· When we pursue things that don’t have the power to make us happy, we ignore the ones that do.
Happy people…
1. Are Givers. Spending money on others makes us happier than spending money on ourselves, particularly when we give out of faith, empathy and our whole lives (not just material resources), in a structured way (deliberately part of our budget), freely, past our comfort level at times, and as part of a community at times.
2. Are Not Lazy About Happiness. We are happier when we are active (not passive) in our pursuit of life like building deep relationships and community, pursuing goals, and striving for a healthy lifestyle. We need to be careful to not have only a future mindset about happiness—“when _______ happens, I will have a life.”
3. Don’t Wait for “Someday.” Our ability to focus on the moments we are experiencing right now--the joys and pleasures of the present--actually make us happier and less stressed and depressed.
4. Pursue Goals. Intrinsic ones (ones that come from who we truly are and we choose) are the ones that add meaning. Externally imposed goals are not worth that much.
5. Fully Engage. Involving ourselves in activities we truly love, and developing skills that will allow us to enjoy those activities, brings happiness. And to experience “flow”--where we really lose ourselves in something we love--we have to get out of our comfort zones and stretch ourselves to challenging levels.
6. Connect. God has not constructed us to be fueled by accomplishments. He has constructed us to be fueled by love. He made our brains to chemically respond in a positive way to support from one another and respond negatively when we don’t have it.
7. Don’t Compare Themselves. We need to take ownership for our own lives, our own talents, our own genes, and use what God has give us to the fullest. Then we will be the best and happiest versions of ourselves.
8. Think Well. Every single day, happy people are thinking thoughts that help them to be happy, and unhappy people do the opposite. It's important to observe our thoughts, avoid all-or-nothing thinking, watch the negative thoughts so they don’t have power over us, avoid catastrophic thinking, do not overgeneralize from one instance to all, and see both sides.
9. Are Grateful. Being grateful starts with building the practice of expressing gratitude consistently into our lives. The people we thank will be blessed and feel appreciated, and we will be better off, too.
10. Have Boundaries. Having boundaries means we set limits on what we will and will not allow in our lives. Boundaries not only protect us from evil, but protect the good things we are trying to build.
11. Forgive. The evidence affirms that when we forgive others, we are the biggest beneficiary. It breaks the chain between us and a past, hurtful event.
12. Have a Calling. Having a calling involves knowing who we are, realizing our talents are a gift from God, understanding that what we do is all about the people on the receiving end of what we do, owning the gifts God has given us as individuals, and using our gifts in service to others.
13. Have Faith. Faith in God connects us to ultimate meaning. When we know Him, we understand that all of life has meaning and that we are here for much larger purposes than what happens day to day. We are part of His story and His purposes—which are most likely outside and beyond our own. We also understand that our day-to-day lives mean more than we will ever know.
Wishing you a year of real, authentic happiness. Here we go!
Wishing you a year of real, authentic happiness. Here we go!
