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| Leah with her roommate, Rachel |
We sit here in the presence of miracles.
That’s one of the declarations that Campus Pastor Laurel Bunker made during the Welcome Week send off at Bethel University in August as she spoke to us parents and our freshmen as they launched their college careers.
Since then, I’ve found myself pondering that statement. Miracles…hmm… A miracle is defined as “an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause…a wonder, marvel.”
How true it was that we were sitting in the midst of miracles that day. For starters, what a miracle it was to have brought these young adults into the world in the first place through birth and adoption. And then to rear them for 18 years through the ups and downs of life and get to the point where we were releasing them into the next phase of their journey. On top of that, there’s the anticipated miracle of how God is going to transform each of them in the next four years. I fully realize that the act of releasing your child into adulthood does not happen at one point in time. But if there was a shift-in-control pivot point in the journey, it was that day.
Although Leah’s only an hour away, she’s been very independent and we haven’t seen or heard too much from her. We went to a Bethel football game a few weeks ago, and I texted her after the game to see if she wanted to come over from the student section to say goodbye. She texted back with, "no I think i’m good." WHAT??? Actually, it was a great sign that she’s living her her own life.
So how do I release her to her future? I know that it's the right thing to do and she's obviously ready, but it's been harder than I thought. Maybe it's because you spend so many years in the day-to-day trenches of parenting, and you don't just climb out overnight. Or maybe it's because there’s no cookie-cutter formula for doing it. I’m learning that so much depends on the individual circumstances and personality of your young adult—maybe even more so than when he or she was in your home. So I’m learning every day, and I appreciate any and all advice so do share! I have gleaned insights recently from the experiences of friends with older daughters—particularly Solveig, Darsi, Loria, and Janet. Bless you.
I’m a complete novice, but here’s what I’m learning to do in the releasing process:
Since then, I’ve found myself pondering that statement. Miracles…hmm… A miracle is defined as “an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause…a wonder, marvel.”
How true it was that we were sitting in the midst of miracles that day. For starters, what a miracle it was to have brought these young adults into the world in the first place through birth and adoption. And then to rear them for 18 years through the ups and downs of life and get to the point where we were releasing them into the next phase of their journey. On top of that, there’s the anticipated miracle of how God is going to transform each of them in the next four years. I fully realize that the act of releasing your child into adulthood does not happen at one point in time. But if there was a shift-in-control pivot point in the journey, it was that day.
Although Leah’s only an hour away, she’s been very independent and we haven’t seen or heard too much from her. We went to a Bethel football game a few weeks ago, and I texted her after the game to see if she wanted to come over from the student section to say goodbye. She texted back with, "no I think i’m good." WHAT??? Actually, it was a great sign that she’s living her her own life.
So how do I release her to her future? I know that it's the right thing to do and she's obviously ready, but it's been harder than I thought. Maybe it's because you spend so many years in the day-to-day trenches of parenting, and you don't just climb out overnight. Or maybe it's because there’s no cookie-cutter formula for doing it. I’m learning that so much depends on the individual circumstances and personality of your young adult—maybe even more so than when he or she was in your home. So I’m learning every day, and I appreciate any and all advice so do share! I have gleaned insights recently from the experiences of friends with older daughters—particularly Solveig, Darsi, Loria, and Janet. Bless you.
I’m a complete novice, but here’s what I’m learning to do in the releasing process:
1) Step Back and Pray – I mentally take three steps back and start praying like crazy. I have a daily reminder set on my phone to pray for Leah around things like tenacity, courage, focus, strength, honest and fun relationships, and clarity. Pastor Laurel made an excellent point that has really stuck with me: praying for our young adults is the best way to influence them now.
- 2) Listen and Guide – Leah has a lot going on inside and out. I need to listen about 80% of the time and talk about 20%. I need to be attentive and ready to guide and advise her when there's an opportune moment, but I need to let her take the lead. And then if I feel really strongly about something, she will be able to hear what I have to say because I haven't been babbling incessantly!
- 3) Wait and Trust – While I wait in the wings, I need to live MY life to the fullest...live in what I’ve been given today and not think for a minute that I can or should control hers. And I need to trust God with her future and release her into the incredible plans He has for her, and trust her because she has a really good head and heart and a strong foundation from which to build.
- 4) Repeat.
- So tomorrow I will wake up and want to move into high-involvement mode (worry, wonder, meddle..STOP!), and then will look at my simple little diagram and retrain my heart to release. Does it become more natural over time? What has worked for you - either as the one releasing or the one being released?
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