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| The Scream by Edvard Munch |
Dear Male Coworker,
When am I due, you ask? Oh, I’m not pregnant.
Sincerely, Your Most Embarrassing Moment
Is that not the classic embarrassing moment or what…one that doesn’t elude men or women. But that’s only the start! Thanks to everyone who responded to my request for your most embarrassing moments. Collectively, we’ve done, said and exposed a lot of interesting stuff. Enjoy.
What We Do
- On my first day of my first job out of college, I was trying to be a grown up and drink coffee. So I picked up the coffee carafe—you know, the kind you unscrew an undetermined number of rotations until the coffee comes out. Well, I had never operated one and unscrewed it too far and the entire pot spilled all over my lap and legs in a meeting with our whole work team (boss, boss’s boss, yeah...pretty much everyone). Embarrassing, and super hot... ouch! And I never have learned to like coffee. Maybe I’m subconsciouly afraid of the carafes. (Me)
- I made a wrong turn into busy traffic on a one-way street in downtown St. Paul. I’ve done it before, so I know that the worst shame would end as soon as I got my car turned around and drove away from the witnesses.
- I was at a restaurant with a friend and our young kids. I probably already had too many kids and she had three. I went to the restroom. I helped two of our little boys go potty, washed their hands, used the toilet myself, washed my hands, and brought everyone out to join the group. It wasn’t until I walked through the entire dining room and to our table far in the back that I realized my friend was laughing at me. She had looked up and watched as I walked along. Coming out of my jeans was a very long piece of toilet paper that trailed behind me like a bride's train. At the table, I tried to gather it up, smile and move on. My friend would have none of it. With her very loud, distinct roller coaster laugh, she laughed so long and so loudly that I eventually had to sit still and wait for her to stop.
- New to my teaching career, one day I wore one navy shoe and one black shoe to school for the day. And (from another person), I brought a two left shoes on a business trip. I forced my right foot into one of my left shoes and it wasn’t too bad until I crossed my foot over my leg in my meeting and the toe was pointing in the wrong direction. Hint: Do not get dressed or pack in the dark.
- I was walking up for communion at church one day and a kind friend mentioned that I had a dryer softener sheet stuck to the back of my black pants…yup, right on my behind.
- One day I walked around Target with the back of my skirt fully tucked into the back of my underwear.
- As a 7th grader, I thought it would be a good idea to offer to be one of the people to be auctioned off as a servant for a day (at a Homecoming pep fest) for an upper classman. I went to the center of stage with the auctioneer and NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, would bid on me.
- I played clarinet in the University of Minnesota alumni band for many years. One day I arrived about 10 minutes late for rehearsal. There were about 15-20 clarinetists seated in place with only two seats remaining – the first chair and the last. I thought I was pretty good so I sat down in the first chair. At the end of the next song, the conductor asked if I would mind exchanging places with the last chair player who had arrived after I did. It turned out to be the principal clarinetist of the Minnesota Orchestra.
- I worked at a clinic, and periodically would walk across downtown to the post office to drop off mail. One day I accidentally tripped and fell at a slushy intersection—in my white uniform—and was completely covered in mud. Thankfully a number of people felt sorry for me and helped me up. But I was such a mess that I had to go home and change.
- I accidentally fell asleep while listening to a work conference call that involved several hundred people in my group, and started snoring so loudly that the speaker (a senior leader) had to ask the person who was snoring to go on mute. Of course, I didn’t hear his request and just kept snoring.
- When my husband and I were first married, I went to his office to have lunch with him. He walked me to the parking ramp to say goodbye. As I was driving out of the parking ramp, lovingly gazing at him and waving goodbye, I ran the car into a post.
- One night my husband and I were driving with another couple to an event and they were in the front seat and we were in the back seat. My husband had been working on our hill that afternoon and had fallen and gotten a huge bruise on his leg right above his knee. From the pitch black of the back seat, he quietly said, “Feel this right here…it’s SO hard.” The other couple quickly turned to see what was going on back there! (Me)
- I was at my girlfriend's house for Thanksgiving, and I was trying to impress her family so I commented on how good the apple pie was and said the crust was particularly good. Upon hearing that comment, everyone at the table broke out in laughter because they all knew that grandma had made the pie, but she bought the crust!
- In sixth grade, when called on to answer a question about who worked the land for the kings, I proudly answered "pheasants." And only after everyone burst out laughing, did I realize my mistake.
- My son had a beautiful girlfriend…you know the kind that is very pretty, always perfectly coiffed, great clothes, very feminine, claimed she could not physically burp....you get the idea. She and our son were sitting at the dining room table one night when my husband got home from work. He didn’t know she was there and as he ran into the house he said, “Nobody move! I've gotta poop!" and then ran to the bathroom. Our daughter followed him to bathroom and with sheer horror, informed him that the girlfriend was in the dining room.
- We were with a group of my husband’s long-time friends, and I was just getting to know them. One of the women announced that she had been diagnosed with MS. I thought she said PMS, and went on to tell her that it's not a big deal...I get that all the time.
What We Expose
- When I was in sixth grade, there was about one month in the history of the universe during which some clothing manufacturer decided to make swimsuits out of terry cloth. And I was one of the suckers who bought one. The first time I wore it, I went to our local pool when the pool was at capacity with kids and jumped off the high dive. The suit soaked up water and tripled its size, and with no curves to keep it on, the top came off over my head and the bottoms off the ends of my toes. I tried to grab them, but they floated down. I had to come to the surface to get more air and heard the next guy on the board screaming at me to get out of the way. But I ignored him and dove down and somehow managed to rescue both pieces that were on the bottom of the pool. (Me)
- In my college freshman Psych 101 big lecture, one day we had a visiting professor. He came out on the platform and stood in front of the podium with his hands in his pockets to introduce himself. A quiet giggle soon turned into a lecture hall full of students pointing and laughing. What he didn’t realize was that his fly was wide open. Maybe there’s something Freudian about the fact that that is the only recollection I have of Pscyh. (Me again)
- I was at a summer gathering and a bee went right down my shirt. I was sitting next to a guy, and tried to be discrete as I attempted to shoo the bee out of my shirt, and then ended up walking out in the yard and shaking out my shirt to try to get the bee out. I still got stung.
- My friend and I were talking to a boy and my blouse button popped open, exposing my (insert scream) b-r-a, and my friend didn't notice until he left.
- While tending bar, I caught my pants pocket on a refrigerator corner and had a partially exposed cheek. What's worse is that I did the same thing the next night.
- I guy I knew had a long hair on his face and when I pulled, I realized it was attached - to the top of his nose.
- One night I was walking back to to the courtyard that my college dormroom faced. I heard some girls giggling in the direction of my room. To my horror, I looked up and saw my roommate lying on his bed in his underwear. I went back and gave him the science lesson that even though it's dark when you look out the window, your image in a brightly lit room is as clear as day to anyone looking in.
- Our family went to the Wisconsin Dells for a family vacation. We stayed at a cabin that allowed us to use an indoor waterpark nearby. After a quick bathroom stop, our four kids loaded me down with all their towels and clothing and took off for the water. As I entered the waterpark area, I scanned the building to find the perfect table to set up our stuff. As I was unloading my arms, I was also scoping out the place and was somewhat distracted. I did not realize that I had laid everything down, including the swimsuit top I had been wearing! I'm sure I was only exposed for three seconds when I realized what I had done and quickly put it back on. I looked around to make sure none of my family had seen me nor anyone else at the waterpark. Seemed like I was safe. To gather my wits, I went and sat in the hot tub by myself. Not five minutes later, an older man came up and handed me a folded up dollar bill and said, "You do one hell of a Janet Jackson!" Uffda.
I guess the moral of the story is that no one is immune from embarrassing moments, so we just need to laugh at ourselves. When I asked Chloe for a story, she said, “I do some stupid stuff, but it doesn’t really bother me.” There you go.
Next week: Twinsight #50!
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