Life feels suffocatingly busy right now. How about for you?
Part of the intensity is simply the season of the year combined with my season of life. What's with the month of May anyway? With school-aged kids, it seems that spring activities culminate, grad parties and special events abound, and summer activities already start. So it's non-stop fun, right?
Pile on the fact that there's no such thing as a down minute unless you walk away from civilization and hibernate in the Boundary Waters. Like many families, we have an array of electronic equipment that is ringing, beeping, chirping, scrolling or singing at any given moment. I was thinking back to when I was in high school - no PCs, no cells, no iAnything, no Googling...not even cordless home phones. I make it sound like the Dark Ages. It kind of was from an electronics standpoint. My parents gave me a Smith Corona typewriter for my high school graduation. Unlike my mom's typewriter in our home office, this new one was light enough to carry. (Well, I'm not sure that I could actually carry it, but my dad could.) My dad was quite progressive in having this fancy brick-like device in his car that he used to communicate to others who were working in various potato and wheat fields. "Just like uptown," my mom would say. I was never sure what planet that uptown was on, but it wasn't near my orbit.
When Leah was in pre-school, probably around 1997, I bought my first "car phone"...you know, a phone to have in your car for emergencies. I vividly remember when I had this ah-ha moment in her pre-school parking lot. Hey, I could unplug this thing and put it in my purse when I run into pre-school. Ooooh, cool. I was concerned that my little slip of a phone would get lost in the bottom of my huge mom purse so I made a mental note to keep track of it and not spill iced tea on it.
Fast forward to today. On top of the fact that there's no escaping, the world is simply intense. Some of the intensity is energizing with God actively at work around the world, the rapid pace of innovation, and the connectivity of social networking. Then there's the staggering number of world events just this year - from devastating natural disasters to the death of Bin Laden to celebrities' dark secrets coming into the light. Closer to home, there's pressure in all of our organizations to get results with fewer resources, and health issues that some of our friends are facing. In his book, Margin, Dr. Richard Swenson wrote, "For millenia upon millenia, change was slow, controlled, assessable; now it convulses at warp speed. ... No one in the history of humankind has ever had to live with the number and intensity of stressors we have acting upon us today."
So how do we cope and even thrive? And how do we help coach our children to be prepared for a world that may be even more intense? I read a lot about life balance (does that count?), but it continues to elude me. It sounds very reasonable to work 8 am - 5 pm, put away all electronics at 8 pm, only allow each child to be involved in one activity, have a nice family dinner each night, and feel caught up before I go to bed. Then real life kicks in. I think it's healthy to recognize that life moves crazy fast, and I need to carefully choose my priorities and seek to live a healthy balance that's realistic in today's reality.
What works for you as you seek some semblance of a balanced life? Let me know what works for you and I'll share our collective tips next week.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Twinsight 10 of 50: Find Your Healthful Eating Groove
I'm grateful that my parents lived long, full lives. But in the end, they each died of colon cancer. As you can imagine, I'm on the "early and often" colonoscopy list. Most people start them at 50. I've already had three and I AM counting! Thankfully, they've been perfectly normal, but this family history has motivated me to try to eat as healthfully as I can. None of us is immune to disease, but healthful eating is a proven step in the right direction. Plus, eating right makes me feel so much better and sets a good life pattern for our girls. They have already become good cooks!
The problem for our family, like many others, is that we have good intentions but we're running in many directions and don't have a lot of time to cook - particularly on weeknights. You'll find the likes of mac and cheese in our cabinet and chocolate chip cookie dough in our refrigerator, and we don't buy all organic. But we are intentional about stocking the kitchen with fresh, colorful food and interesting spices. In the last several years, we've been on a mission to figure out a simple formula that works for all four of us most of the time. Here's what we've come up with - having something from each of these groups in each dinner:
** White Chicken Chili: Put these ingredients in slow cooker for 8 hours on slow and it's ready when you get home - 1 packet McCormick's White Chicken Chili seasoning, 2 c. cooked Fajita chicken (frozen or fresh), 1 can corn, 1 can diced tomatoes, 1 can Northern (white) beans, and 1 can water.
Our formula doesn't play out every night. Where's that mac and cheese? Cereal anyone? But it's the best method we've found for staying in the groove of healthful eating. I'd love to hear what's working for you.
The problem for our family, like many others, is that we have good intentions but we're running in many directions and don't have a lot of time to cook - particularly on weeknights. You'll find the likes of mac and cheese in our cabinet and chocolate chip cookie dough in our refrigerator, and we don't buy all organic. But we are intentional about stocking the kitchen with fresh, colorful food and interesting spices. In the last several years, we've been on a mission to figure out a simple formula that works for all four of us most of the time. Here's what we've come up with - having something from each of these groups in each dinner:
- Veggies (V) - about 1/2 the meal.
- Protein (P) - about 1/4 the meal.
- Starch (St) meaning potatoes, rice or pasta - about 1/4 the meal.
- Seasonings (Se) like spices, herbs, a splash of dressing, a sprinkle of cheese.
- American - Tangy Mixed Grill* (P) with Grilled Corn on the Cob (V) and Baked Potatoes (St) with whatever spices we each like (Se). It's what we had tonight!
- Asian - Rice Bowls which is Sushi or Brown Rice (St) topped with Scrambled Eggs (P) and Stir-Fried Veggies (V) and Soy Sauce (Se).
- Mexican - Slow Cooker White Chicken Chili (V&P&Se)** with Whole-Grain Bread (St).
- Italian - Pasta (St) (I push for whole wheat...) with Chunky Spaghetti Sauce (V) and Meatballs (cooked, frozen) (P) and Roasted Veggies (like onions, Brussels sprouts, carrots or squash) (V) sprayed with Olive Oil Spray and sprinkled with Sea Salt (Se).
- Plain Fast - Sandwiches comprised of Great Harvest Sunflower Bread (St) with Shaved Smoked Turkey (P) and Veggies (like romaine, fresh basil, cucumber slices) and Carrots on the side (V) dipped in Fat-Free Western Dressing.
** White Chicken Chili: Put these ingredients in slow cooker for 8 hours on slow and it's ready when you get home - 1 packet McCormick's White Chicken Chili seasoning, 2 c. cooked Fajita chicken (frozen or fresh), 1 can corn, 1 can diced tomatoes, 1 can Northern (white) beans, and 1 can water.
Our formula doesn't play out every night. Where's that mac and cheese? Cereal anyone? But it's the best method we've found for staying in the groove of healthful eating. I'd love to hear what's working for you.
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Saturday, May 14, 2011
Twinsight 9 of 50: Celebrate the People Who Love You No Matter What
Today marks a couple of important dates for our family. First, it’s Steve’s and my 28th wedding anniversary. I’d tell you that we were 10 when we got married, but you already know that I’m 50 so I'll let you do the math. We started dating when we met at Concordia College in Moorhead, MN, and got married a couple weeks after graduating. If you’re from the Midwest and whining about how cold it is today, consider that it snowed on our wedding day in Edinburg, North Dakota. So count your blessings. Other than those cold flakes, the day was wonderful because we were confident about our decision and surrounded by people who loved us and have supported us to this day. Most importantly, we had a deep desire to commit our marriage to what God wanted for us individually and together. During our wedding ceremony, we lit a unity candle but kept the individual candles lit, which is symbolic of the way we wanted our marriage to be.
When we first got married, we divided the household chores in half (as equally as possible given the subjective nature of chores) by which ones we either each liked the most or disliked the least. Steve got washing clothes, cleaning the apartment, and taking care of the cars when something went wrong. (I am totally blonde when it comes to cars!) I got cooking, keeping track of the family calendar, organizing stuff, and managing the finances. As we've added more family members, we’ve added lots of responsibilities and have rearranged along the way but have more or less stuck to the half and half approach since we’ve both worked outside the home. One day I was nattering on about how annoying it is to unload dishes from the dishwasher because you’ve already rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher and…ugh! The next morning, Steve unloaded the dishwasher and has continued to do so nearly every morning since that day. Didn't I marry an amazing guy?
Probably the best thing about our marriage is that we trust God and each other through the joys and travails of everyday life. We have similar values and give each other space so it all works pretty well. He also points out when I’m self centered, which I desperately need now and then and am better for it. And most importantly, when life is tough, we stop and pray because we’re miserable at doing life without God’s guidance. He has given us strength, courage and peace in many situations.
The other important event happened 14 years ago today, which happens to be half of our married life. It's Chloe's Arrival Day, the day we brought her home. A week before that day, Steve, Leah and I flew to Seoul, South Korea. We arrived late at night, and the person who was supposed to drive us to the adoption agency was not at the airport. We fanned out all our Korean money to a rather sketchy-looking cab driver, handed him a piece of paper with the address in Korean, and prayed all the way through the flashing signs of the biggest city we’ve ever experienced. We finally arrived at a place that we recognized from a picture…whew! The next morning we rolled out of bed (literally, mattress on the floor) and waited in a room in next building (pictured below). There was Chloe with her foster mom. We peaked under her tiny baseball cap to see our beautiful baby. I only got to hold her for about 30 seconds before Leah wanted to hold HER baby. In the ensuing days, we spent time exploring Seoul. One of the amazing moments was having the opportunity to meet Leah’s foster mother. We learned through a translator that Leah was the only adopted child that she’d ever had the opportunity to see again. At four, Leah intuitively knew the poignancy of the moment and quietly walked over and sat in her lap.
So today, I am counting my blessings—for a husband who could not be better suited for me, and a winsome daughter who captured our hearts 14 years ago. I’m also thankful for a soulful 18-year-old daughter who is grounded in who she is and never ceases to amaze me with her depth of character, and of course, the sweet dog who rounds out our family.
When we first got married, we divided the household chores in half (as equally as possible given the subjective nature of chores) by which ones we either each liked the most or disliked the least. Steve got washing clothes, cleaning the apartment, and taking care of the cars when something went wrong. (I am totally blonde when it comes to cars!) I got cooking, keeping track of the family calendar, organizing stuff, and managing the finances. As we've added more family members, we’ve added lots of responsibilities and have rearranged along the way but have more or less stuck to the half and half approach since we’ve both worked outside the home. One day I was nattering on about how annoying it is to unload dishes from the dishwasher because you’ve already rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher and…ugh! The next morning, Steve unloaded the dishwasher and has continued to do so nearly every morning since that day. Didn't I marry an amazing guy?
Probably the best thing about our marriage is that we trust God and each other through the joys and travails of everyday life. We have similar values and give each other space so it all works pretty well. He also points out when I’m self centered, which I desperately need now and then and am better for it. And most importantly, when life is tough, we stop and pray because we’re miserable at doing life without God’s guidance. He has given us strength, courage and peace in many situations.
The other important event happened 14 years ago today, which happens to be half of our married life. It's Chloe's Arrival Day, the day we brought her home. A week before that day, Steve, Leah and I flew to Seoul, South Korea. We arrived late at night, and the person who was supposed to drive us to the adoption agency was not at the airport. We fanned out all our Korean money to a rather sketchy-looking cab driver, handed him a piece of paper with the address in Korean, and prayed all the way through the flashing signs of the biggest city we’ve ever experienced. We finally arrived at a place that we recognized from a picture…whew! The next morning we rolled out of bed (literally, mattress on the floor) and waited in a room in next building (pictured below). There was Chloe with her foster mom. We peaked under her tiny baseball cap to see our beautiful baby. I only got to hold her for about 30 seconds before Leah wanted to hold HER baby. In the ensuing days, we spent time exploring Seoul. One of the amazing moments was having the opportunity to meet Leah’s foster mother. We learned through a translator that Leah was the only adopted child that she’d ever had the opportunity to see again. At four, Leah intuitively knew the poignancy of the moment and quietly walked over and sat in her lap.
So today, I am counting my blessings—for a husband who could not be better suited for me, and a winsome daughter who captured our hearts 14 years ago. I’m also thankful for a soulful 18-year-old daughter who is grounded in who she is and never ceases to amaze me with her depth of character, and of course, the sweet dog who rounds out our family.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Twinsight 8 of 50: Invest in Others' Lives
I wasn't born in a barn (which is the assumption that I think some people make when I tell them that I was born into a farming family in North Dakota). And even though it's cliche and not even proper English, I was raised by a village of sorts. The village included my parents plus an incredible array of people - particularly moms - who invested in my life. On this Mother's Day, I'd like to tell you about some of the moms in my village.
Other than my own mom, the first mom I remember being involved in my life was my childhood neighbor "Wisses" Wellman. I can hear her now. "Jo-AAAAANNNN Jean! Get in here and help me frost these cupcakes." I'd get a table knife, pull up a chair to stand on so I could reach the counter, and frost away. She had an accent from her Southern roots, which in and of itself seemed rather exotic to me, and was a marvelous baker. When there was something yummy on our kitchen counter, I'd always say, "Who brought this?" At least half the time it was Mrs. Wellman. (At some point, I actually could say Mrs.) She baked my 1st through my 18th birthday cakes. My favorite was a Barbie doll with a cake skirt when I was in 2nd grade. Remember those? In heaven now, she's probably having a blast teaching my mom to bake, and mom is even enjoying it! Mrs. Wellman and her family invested time in me, those small snippets of time that add up to make a significant impact.
And then there are special moms who have included me in their families through the years which is a big deal when you're an only child. My aunt Beverley was oh so tolerant and even enabling of all the crazy things that my cousin Connie and I dreamt up to do...all the slumber parties (not sleepovers in those days), "club" meetings, games and concerts, and trips to big cities like Grand Forks and Fargo. It's funny how as a kid that you assume that the planning, the meals, the clean up, the rides, and the funds somehow just magically happen. Another village member was my cousin JoeAnn. She has four daughters all around my age and they were so gracious in inviting me to their lake home where I learned to water ski. They even included me on a ski trip to Colorado where I first experienced mountain skiing. These two moms, along with their husbands and families, opened their homes so I could experience life with them and I'm so grateful.
From my hometown, there was also Bernice R. and Mary and Lois and Bernice F. and Ina and Betty and Carol and Eunice and Jan and Leona and Louise and Bonita and Lynette and...I could go on and on. And then there's my mother-in-law, Gerry. She is a genuinely delightful person who is always encouraging, positive and deeply caring.
Interestingly enough, I don't recall any particular platitudes or words of wisdom from any of them. It's possible that they shared them with me, but I wasn't paying attention! However, I do remember the way they lived their lives and the way they cared about me, laughed with me, and guided me. And many of them continue to be involved in my life today. Thank you to all the moms who have touched my life.
Other than my own mom, the first mom I remember being involved in my life was my childhood neighbor "Wisses" Wellman. I can hear her now. "Jo-AAAAANNNN Jean! Get in here and help me frost these cupcakes." I'd get a table knife, pull up a chair to stand on so I could reach the counter, and frost away. She had an accent from her Southern roots, which in and of itself seemed rather exotic to me, and was a marvelous baker. When there was something yummy on our kitchen counter, I'd always say, "Who brought this?" At least half the time it was Mrs. Wellman. (At some point, I actually could say Mrs.) She baked my 1st through my 18th birthday cakes. My favorite was a Barbie doll with a cake skirt when I was in 2nd grade. Remember those? In heaven now, she's probably having a blast teaching my mom to bake, and mom is even enjoying it! Mrs. Wellman and her family invested time in me, those small snippets of time that add up to make a significant impact.
And then there are special moms who have included me in their families through the years which is a big deal when you're an only child. My aunt Beverley was oh so tolerant and even enabling of all the crazy things that my cousin Connie and I dreamt up to do...all the slumber parties (not sleepovers in those days), "club" meetings, games and concerts, and trips to big cities like Grand Forks and Fargo. It's funny how as a kid that you assume that the planning, the meals, the clean up, the rides, and the funds somehow just magically happen. Another village member was my cousin JoeAnn. She has four daughters all around my age and they were so gracious in inviting me to their lake home where I learned to water ski. They even included me on a ski trip to Colorado where I first experienced mountain skiing. These two moms, along with their husbands and families, opened their homes so I could experience life with them and I'm so grateful.
From my hometown, there was also Bernice R. and Mary and Lois and Bernice F. and Ina and Betty and Carol and Eunice and Jan and Leona and Louise and Bonita and Lynette and...I could go on and on. And then there's my mother-in-law, Gerry. She is a genuinely delightful person who is always encouraging, positive and deeply caring.
Interestingly enough, I don't recall any particular platitudes or words of wisdom from any of them. It's possible that they shared them with me, but I wasn't paying attention! However, I do remember the way they lived their lives and the way they cared about me, laughed with me, and guided me. And many of them continue to be involved in my life today. Thank you to all the moms who have touched my life.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Twinsight 7 of 50: Read to Enlarge Your World
With eight consecutive years of our girls' college ahead of us and lots of energy for the work I'm doing, retirement is not even remotely close to my radar right now. As I think about the future, though, I do look forward to having more time to read. My love for reading started out of desperation on Sunday afternoons when I was a young girl. I'd tag along on my parents' "check out the crops" drives around the fields. (You've seen one potato field , you've seen them all, right? Nope.) It was a nice Sunday ritual in North Dakota's vastness, but invariably I got bored without any siblings to torture. So I learned to always bring a book with me. When I close my eyes and think about those times now, I can practically smell the rich, black soil, hear my parents in the front seat talking about the moisture content of the soil and the height of the plants, and see the miles and miles of lush crops. Meanwhile, I was sprawled across the back seat of the car (did those cars even come with seat belts?), mentally transported to magical places like Times Square and the Swiss Alps through my books.
Fast forward to today. Although I like working with and seeing all the amazing visual media today, I still love the written word because it forces me to be more imaginative. I'm not a purist, but I do love to read the book before seeing the movie. Most of my day-to-day reading is electronic and related to my work in health engagement, and I do it mainly in 140-character sound bites through experts I follow on Twitter (via Hootsuite), and then dig into the details of the topics I'm most interested in. I get most of my news from NPR when I'm in the car. And even though I honestly don't have time for more data intake than that, I always seem to have a stack of half-read, touch-and-feel printed books going and a few audio ones on my iPod. I reserve many of them through the county library's website so I can skim or listen to them quickly and not invest in books that I may not refer to again. I'm hoping to get going with e-books this summer.
My favorites are well-written, non-fiction stories and books with practical advice. Steve and I have been in a book club with Nancy & Tim, Joyce & Scott, Karen & Jay for nearly 20 years, and I credit this group for keeping me reading outside my normal news and business reading. Here are some of the books that I've enjoyed in recent years:
Any good ones that you'd enjoyed recently?
Fast forward to today. Although I like working with and seeing all the amazing visual media today, I still love the written word because it forces me to be more imaginative. I'm not a purist, but I do love to read the book before seeing the movie. Most of my day-to-day reading is electronic and related to my work in health engagement, and I do it mainly in 140-character sound bites through experts I follow on Twitter (via Hootsuite), and then dig into the details of the topics I'm most interested in. I get most of my news from NPR when I'm in the car. And even though I honestly don't have time for more data intake than that, I always seem to have a stack of half-read, touch-and-feel printed books going and a few audio ones on my iPod. I reserve many of them through the county library's website so I can skim or listen to them quickly and not invest in books that I may not refer to again. I'm hoping to get going with e-books this summer.
My favorites are well-written, non-fiction stories and books with practical advice. Steve and I have been in a book club with Nancy & Tim, Joyce & Scott, Karen & Jay for nearly 20 years, and I credit this group for keeping me reading outside my normal news and business reading. Here are some of the books that I've enjoyed in recent years:
- The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls (2005). An emotionally-raw, compassionately-written memoir about the author's bizarre childhood starting with her catching on fire while cooking hot dogs at age three and getting even crazier from there. (Thanks, Joyce.)
- Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton (2006). A practical guide on how to arrange our lives for what our hearts want most and make courageous decisions that reflect a deep trust in God.
- Heaven is For Real by Todd Burpo and Lynn Vincent (2010). A four-year-old boy's remarkable journey to heaven and back through a near-death experience, including a sketch that he said looks like Jesus. (Thanks, Leah.)
- The Help by Kathryn Stockett (2009). A disturbing, yet liberating, civil rights era story of how prejudice and bigotry played out in daily life with domestic help in the South.
- Expecting Adam by Martha Beck (2000). A true transforming journey of Martha and John, each working toward a Ph.D.at Harvard, who learn that their unborn son has Down syndrome. (Thanks, Joyce, again!)
- True North by Bill George (2007). Insights on how to be an effective leader while staying grounded and without selling your soul. (I liked the audio version because it's George's voice.)
- Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist (2010). A refreshingly honest, quick read of short essays by a young woman that "celebrates the extraordinary nature in everyday life." (Thanks, Amy.)
- The Message Remix by Eugene Peterson (2003). A Bible paraphrase in today's vernacular that has been particularly compelling and practical for me in recent years.
Any good ones that you'd enjoyed recently?
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Twinsight 6 of 50: Let Yourself Feel Deeply
Have you taken the Myers-Briggs personality assessment? If so, do you remember your profile? I'm an ENTJ. I'm pretty balanced on the first two measures - extrovert vs. introvert and intuitive vs. sensing. But I'm extreme on the last two - thinking vs. feeling and judging vs. perceiving. As with each of us, I have a combination of strengths and weaknesses that blend together to draw me in a certain direction at any given moment, for better or worse.
The deficit that trips me up most often is the feeling component. I'm not interested in producing a flood every time something happy or sad comes along, but it would be nice to be more balanced. Actually, for me to feel something deeply, I usually need to think about it for awhile, give myself mental permission, and eventually the feelings come. The good news is that I'm pretty even-keeled so if you need someone to take charge in a crisis, I'm your girl. The bad news is that I don't experience highs and lows to the extent that many do. So if you need someone to express over-the-moon excitement or empathy, I'm not your best bet.
In recent years, however, I've had some experiences that have tenderized my heart. My first deep heart encounter was receiving Leah from the Northwest Airlines "stork" that flew in from Korea to meet us and our amazing group of family members and friends. And then there was the incredible experience of walking into a room in Seoul four years later and peeking under a little baseball cap to meet our Chloe for the first time.
I've also felt life's ups and downs intensely at times - agonizing over a complicated decision, being incredibly proud over a little (but really big) life choice that one of the girls made, feeling off-balanced in a close relationship, seeing a moving video that Steve and his brother, Peter, created, or worrying about the future with all the looming issues. And then there were the tender times of being with my parents in their later years. I have vivid memories of the last moment that I was with each of of them - listening to dad talk from his hospital bed about farming and the economy and wanting to make sure that I fixed Chloe's high chair. And spending my mom's last morning with her in her Presbyterian Homes room along with my friend, Kimberly, and our dog, Pabby, and walking in a silent "procession of honor" with her covered body through the halls lined with all the staff who had cared for her for many years.
My palpable encounters with the living God, though, have surprised me the most and touched me most deeply. On Palm Sunday a few years ago, the four of us worshipped at the Brooklyn Tabernacle in Brooklyn, NY. I was rocked to my core. Steve and I just wept during the whole worship set (about 45 minutes) and could barely sing. It seemed like what heaven will be like - a blend of shapes and sizes and colors of people moving and uniting in praise to God. Ever since that experience, I have found it easier to close my eyes and sense that God is right there with me and the community of people I'm with, including a couple of nights ago at our church's Maundy Thursday service.
So this Easter weekend, we'll all go through the regular motions of life. But I invite you to join me in pushing our natural boundaries in thinking about what this holiday is all about and feeling it deeply, too.
P.S. In the spirit of expanding my feeling and perceiving comfort zones, I'm not going to mention what I'll write about next week since I honestly have no clue!
The deficit that trips me up most often is the feeling component. I'm not interested in producing a flood every time something happy or sad comes along, but it would be nice to be more balanced. Actually, for me to feel something deeply, I usually need to think about it for awhile, give myself mental permission, and eventually the feelings come. The good news is that I'm pretty even-keeled so if you need someone to take charge in a crisis, I'm your girl. The bad news is that I don't experience highs and lows to the extent that many do. So if you need someone to express over-the-moon excitement or empathy, I'm not your best bet.
In recent years, however, I've had some experiences that have tenderized my heart. My first deep heart encounter was receiving Leah from the Northwest Airlines "stork" that flew in from Korea to meet us and our amazing group of family members and friends. And then there was the incredible experience of walking into a room in Seoul four years later and peeking under a little baseball cap to meet our Chloe for the first time.
I've also felt life's ups and downs intensely at times - agonizing over a complicated decision, being incredibly proud over a little (but really big) life choice that one of the girls made, feeling off-balanced in a close relationship, seeing a moving video that Steve and his brother, Peter, created, or worrying about the future with all the looming issues. And then there were the tender times of being with my parents in their later years. I have vivid memories of the last moment that I was with each of of them - listening to dad talk from his hospital bed about farming and the economy and wanting to make sure that I fixed Chloe's high chair. And spending my mom's last morning with her in her Presbyterian Homes room along with my friend, Kimberly, and our dog, Pabby, and walking in a silent "procession of honor" with her covered body through the halls lined with all the staff who had cared for her for many years.
My palpable encounters with the living God, though, have surprised me the most and touched me most deeply. On Palm Sunday a few years ago, the four of us worshipped at the Brooklyn Tabernacle in Brooklyn, NY. I was rocked to my core. Steve and I just wept during the whole worship set (about 45 minutes) and could barely sing. It seemed like what heaven will be like - a blend of shapes and sizes and colors of people moving and uniting in praise to God. Ever since that experience, I have found it easier to close my eyes and sense that God is right there with me and the community of people I'm with, including a couple of nights ago at our church's Maundy Thursday service.
So this Easter weekend, we'll all go through the regular motions of life. But I invite you to join me in pushing our natural boundaries in thinking about what this holiday is all about and feeling it deeply, too.
P.S. In the spirit of expanding my feeling and perceiving comfort zones, I'm not going to mention what I'll write about next week since I honestly have no clue!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Twinsight 5 of 50: Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Judge
My guess is that there are about two power outlets per every 100 ticketed passengers around the Delta gates at Chicago's O'Hare airport. During a recent trip there, I wandered around and actually found outlets near an empty seat between two gate areas and made a bee-line for them. I put down my backpack and Chai, and started to take out my laptop when my outlet partner broke the bad news to me. Neither one worked. Ugh! I took a deep breath, sat back, and tried to think of something I could accomplish without running down my laptop battery before the flight.
When I travel for business, I try to get as much work done on the road so I can be fully available for my family when I get home. I enjoy chatting with strangers, but I typically don't get into longer conversations. Now I had the time so I asked my outlet mate - I'll call her Doreen - where she was from. She was a large woman who was about 60 and looked rather out of place among all the business travelers. I wasn't prepared for her story (which I've modified slightly for privacy's sake).
Doreen was going home to the West coast after having traveled to Asia. Her son and daughter-in-law live there with their two small children. She strongly believed that the children were in a risky situation, particularly because of the six-year-old girl's health condition. After many conversations with her son, Doreen put every penny of her savings into one two-way and two one-way plane tickets so she could bring both children back to the States. She had stopped in Chicago to drop them off with another relative for a couple of weeks so she could go back home and make arrangements to take over parenting them. Bless her heart, she had hosted a birthday party for her granddaughter the night before at Chuck E. Cheese's (the girl's first meal in this country) and she commented, "Grandma, why are all the children screaming?" Welcome to the USA!
Doreen asked if I could watch her stuff while she checked to see if her flight was boarding soon. She could barely stand up and really struggled to walk with her cane. When she came back, she told me that she'd fallen in a freak accident at work a few years ago, hit her head, and suffered a severe back injury and minor brain damage. In the course of her recovery, she had gained a significant amount of weight and has had to deal with the negative stares and nasty comments.
I was astounded by the refreshingly honest way that she was dealing with the aftermath of her accident, her challenging financial situation, and the stress of suddenly parenting again. She was happy simply to be alive and was pulling out all the stops when she was really needed. We continued to talk about everything from global events to the outlet population in airports to having time to appreciate the beauty of nature. She reminded me of a smart college professor in the way that she could carry on an integrated, global view conversation. After what seemed much longer than 20 minutes, a gate agent announced that my flight was boarding. I didn't want to say goodbye to my new friend.
I was getting settled in my seat on the plane when I realized that I had been so engrossed in our conversation that I had forgotten my sweater by our powerless outlets. I battled the flow of people getting on the plane and reentered the terminal. I glanced over to where we had been sitting and Doreen was gone. My sweater was gone, too. As I was about to reboard, the gate agent handed me my sweater. He said that a woman told him that I'd probably be back for it. So my final touch point with Doreen was her making my life a little bit better.
I had a lump in my throat as I walked back to my seat. Oh, how many times I consciously or unconsciously judge people on first impressions. While making quick assessments is a practical life skill, it is harmful when I carry it over to assuming that I know someone's story. Doreen reminded me of the depth and power of God's unconditional love and grace for every person on this planet, and the joy I experience when I listen and extend a measure of the love and grace I've received to others.
Stay tuned for next week's Twinsight: Read to Enlarge Your World.
When I travel for business, I try to get as much work done on the road so I can be fully available for my family when I get home. I enjoy chatting with strangers, but I typically don't get into longer conversations. Now I had the time so I asked my outlet mate - I'll call her Doreen - where she was from. She was a large woman who was about 60 and looked rather out of place among all the business travelers. I wasn't prepared for her story (which I've modified slightly for privacy's sake).
Doreen was going home to the West coast after having traveled to Asia. Her son and daughter-in-law live there with their two small children. She strongly believed that the children were in a risky situation, particularly because of the six-year-old girl's health condition. After many conversations with her son, Doreen put every penny of her savings into one two-way and two one-way plane tickets so she could bring both children back to the States. She had stopped in Chicago to drop them off with another relative for a couple of weeks so she could go back home and make arrangements to take over parenting them. Bless her heart, she had hosted a birthday party for her granddaughter the night before at Chuck E. Cheese's (the girl's first meal in this country) and she commented, "Grandma, why are all the children screaming?" Welcome to the USA!
Doreen asked if I could watch her stuff while she checked to see if her flight was boarding soon. She could barely stand up and really struggled to walk with her cane. When she came back, she told me that she'd fallen in a freak accident at work a few years ago, hit her head, and suffered a severe back injury and minor brain damage. In the course of her recovery, she had gained a significant amount of weight and has had to deal with the negative stares and nasty comments.
I was astounded by the refreshingly honest way that she was dealing with the aftermath of her accident, her challenging financial situation, and the stress of suddenly parenting again. She was happy simply to be alive and was pulling out all the stops when she was really needed. We continued to talk about everything from global events to the outlet population in airports to having time to appreciate the beauty of nature. She reminded me of a smart college professor in the way that she could carry on an integrated, global view conversation. After what seemed much longer than 20 minutes, a gate agent announced that my flight was boarding. I didn't want to say goodbye to my new friend.
I was getting settled in my seat on the plane when I realized that I had been so engrossed in our conversation that I had forgotten my sweater by our powerless outlets. I battled the flow of people getting on the plane and reentered the terminal. I glanced over to where we had been sitting and Doreen was gone. My sweater was gone, too. As I was about to reboard, the gate agent handed me my sweater. He said that a woman told him that I'd probably be back for it. So my final touch point with Doreen was her making my life a little bit better.
I had a lump in my throat as I walked back to my seat. Oh, how many times I consciously or unconsciously judge people on first impressions. While making quick assessments is a practical life skill, it is harmful when I carry it over to assuming that I know someone's story. Doreen reminded me of the depth and power of God's unconditional love and grace for every person on this planet, and the joy I experience when I listen and extend a measure of the love and grace I've received to others.
Stay tuned for next week's Twinsight: Read to Enlarge Your World.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Twinsight 4 of 50: Get Over It
When our girls were about ages seven and three, I was in the market for a different car. I really wanted a slightly used Volvo wagon. I just thought it was a cool vehicle and practical to boot. But the girls desperately wanted a mini van. And they won. As I was driving off the lot with the girls cheering from the back of my "bus," I saw the vehicle of my dreams and said, "Hey, there's a Volvo wagon!"
Leah retorted, "Mom...REALLY, you need to get over it!"
Although I didn't appreciate her sarcastic tone, she was right on. Sometimes I just can't let go. (I wouldn't go straight to love, but I did grow to appreciate that vehicle because I spent so much time in it with these two amazing little people.)
It's in my best interest (and probably yours as my friends) that I quickly let go of my 40s and start embracing my 50s. Garrison Keillor was the one who made me realize that I was doing some internal kicking and screaming and I should stop. In his "Stop Complaining" essay, he writes, "No one cares that you don't like getting older--so quit bellyaching. But 50 is a great time to lose the ponytail [what works for Willie Nelson doesn't necessarily work for you], start telling the truth, and stop having dinner with people you don't like."
He goes on to say, "Put the past behind you. This is even easier to do at my age (62 [at the time]) but you can get a start at 50--make a pile of your regrets and put a match to them and let them blow away, the lost loves, the estranged friends, the botched education, the unwritten novel, the neglected guitar, the ruinous investments, the dear friend who committed suicide, the opportunities that will sail away without you--put that knapsack full of rocks on the ground and walk away and find something in the here-and-now that absorbs you and take up with that, a garden, a grandchild, a choir, yoga, knitting, amassing a collection of porcelain pigs, a political agitation, learning the drop-thumb style of banjo."
So today I'm vowing to move beyond regrets--some things I've said and some things I haven't had the guts to say, times I've acted too fast or not at all, and times my life balance has been out of whack. There's nothing I can do about it now other than apologize where I need to, learn and move ahead. But it's not too late to do things like volunteer with a prison ministry, learn to wake board, improve my standing in running races (especially now that I'm in an easier age bracket...wahoo!), and see the Great Wall of China.
Keillor ends his advice for people turning 50 by saying, "It's a time of marvels on every hand, great richness, emotional clarity, and great sweetness. Sixty is even better, but don't hurry." 1
And I won't!
Stay tuned for next week's Twinsight: Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Judge.
1 Garrison Keillor, "Stop Complaining," in Ronnie Sellers (ed.), Fifty Things To Do When You Turn 50, Ronnie Sellers Productions, Inc., Portland, ME, 2005, pp. 17-21.
Leah retorted, "Mom...REALLY, you need to get over it!"
Although I didn't appreciate her sarcastic tone, she was right on. Sometimes I just can't let go. (I wouldn't go straight to love, but I did grow to appreciate that vehicle because I spent so much time in it with these two amazing little people.)
It's in my best interest (and probably yours as my friends) that I quickly let go of my 40s and start embracing my 50s. Garrison Keillor was the one who made me realize that I was doing some internal kicking and screaming and I should stop. In his "Stop Complaining" essay, he writes, "No one cares that you don't like getting older--so quit bellyaching. But 50 is a great time to lose the ponytail [what works for Willie Nelson doesn't necessarily work for you], start telling the truth, and stop having dinner with people you don't like."
He goes on to say, "Put the past behind you. This is even easier to do at my age (62 [at the time]) but you can get a start at 50--make a pile of your regrets and put a match to them and let them blow away, the lost loves, the estranged friends, the botched education, the unwritten novel, the neglected guitar, the ruinous investments, the dear friend who committed suicide, the opportunities that will sail away without you--put that knapsack full of rocks on the ground and walk away and find something in the here-and-now that absorbs you and take up with that, a garden, a grandchild, a choir, yoga, knitting, amassing a collection of porcelain pigs, a political agitation, learning the drop-thumb style of banjo."
So today I'm vowing to move beyond regrets--some things I've said and some things I haven't had the guts to say, times I've acted too fast or not at all, and times my life balance has been out of whack. There's nothing I can do about it now other than apologize where I need to, learn and move ahead. But it's not too late to do things like volunteer with a prison ministry, learn to wake board, improve my standing in running races (especially now that I'm in an easier age bracket...wahoo!), and see the Great Wall of China.
Keillor ends his advice for people turning 50 by saying, "It's a time of marvels on every hand, great richness, emotional clarity, and great sweetness. Sixty is even better, but don't hurry." 1
And I won't!
Stay tuned for next week's Twinsight: Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Judge.
1 Garrison Keillor, "Stop Complaining," in Ronnie Sellers (ed.), Fifty Things To Do When You Turn 50, Ronnie Sellers Productions, Inc., Portland, ME, 2005, pp. 17-21.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Twinsight 3 of 50: Glance in the Mirror Before You Leave the House
A few years ago, I pulled my black Chico dress over my head and dashed off to the office extra early because I was speaking at a roundtable discussion that morning. I made a quick stop in the restroom. On the way out, I glanced at my profile in the full-length mirror and then reversed my steps to take another look. I confirmed my initial suspicion. I had my dress on inside out.
Then a couple of weeks ago, I got together with a new friend, Pam, at Caribou Coffee. I walked back to the table after picking up my tea and she politely said, "I think your sweater is on inside out." Sure enough.
I've never been someone who spends much time looking in the mirror at my outward appearance (obviously). My parents never spent much time there so it wasn't modeled for me. (That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.) I venture that I get ready faster in the morning than any woman you know. I might be willing to take an extra minute or two now that I'm over 50. But those of you over 50 tell me. Will mirror time be even less of a draw to me now?
I do, however, place a high value on reflecting on what's inside before I leave the house. Otherwise, I'm as much of a mess on the inside as I can be on the outside! Most mornings I spend time preparing for the day--reading scripture, and journaling and praying about things on my mind. One morning a week, I actually have this reflection time with a group of friends. This time grounds me in my convictions and reminds me that I can confidently go into my day because God goes before me and will guide my words and actions, if I let Him. And for me, it's something that I need to do daily or my life gets out of balance.
Our dog, Pabby, has his quiet time with me. :) He sits on his perch (our spiral staircase) with one eye on his kingdom of squirrels, chipmunks and other critters. His other eye is on me because what comes next is usually our slo-mo running time. (He's 49 in people years so we're perfectly paced.) He lives for when we can stretch our legs in the fresh air and he motivates me to get out there.
So the next time you see me and I'm not as put together as you think I should be, remember that I probably sacrificed the outside for the inside. And you have permission to point out anything that I'm wearing inside out!
Stay tuned for next week's Twinsight: Get Over It.
Then a couple of weeks ago, I got together with a new friend, Pam, at Caribou Coffee. I walked back to the table after picking up my tea and she politely said, "I think your sweater is on inside out." Sure enough.
I've never been someone who spends much time looking in the mirror at my outward appearance (obviously). My parents never spent much time there so it wasn't modeled for me. (That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.) I venture that I get ready faster in the morning than any woman you know. I might be willing to take an extra minute or two now that I'm over 50. But those of you over 50 tell me. Will mirror time be even less of a draw to me now?
I do, however, place a high value on reflecting on what's inside before I leave the house. Otherwise, I'm as much of a mess on the inside as I can be on the outside! Most mornings I spend time preparing for the day--reading scripture, and journaling and praying about things on my mind. One morning a week, I actually have this reflection time with a group of friends. This time grounds me in my convictions and reminds me that I can confidently go into my day because God goes before me and will guide my words and actions, if I let Him. And for me, it's something that I need to do daily or my life gets out of balance.
Our dog, Pabby, has his quiet time with me. :) He sits on his perch (our spiral staircase) with one eye on his kingdom of squirrels, chipmunks and other critters. His other eye is on me because what comes next is usually our slo-mo running time. (He's 49 in people years so we're perfectly paced.) He lives for when we can stretch our legs in the fresh air and he motivates me to get out there.
So the next time you see me and I'm not as put together as you think I should be, remember that I probably sacrificed the outside for the inside. And you have permission to point out anything that I'm wearing inside out!
Stay tuned for next week's Twinsight: Get Over It.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Twinsight 2 of 50: Love As If There's No Tomorrow
When you live in a metropolitan area, you invariably have people in your daily life who seem one-dimensional to you. You only know what kind of coffee they order, where they sit in church, what kid they drop off, or what kind of dog they walk. And that's about it. I knew Nancy for quite awhile as one of the half-dressed people in the locker room at the health club. I was struck by her high energy level and positive attitude at ungodly hours of the morning.
One day she forgot her makeup and I ran outside after her (hopefully fully dressed...) and we finally introduced ourselves. In the ensuing weeks, we decided to get together with our husbands at the Good Earth. We learned two things. We were instant friends, and that our husbands preferred "911 burgers" (could set off a heart attack) to anything on the Good Earth menu. Now we've known each other half our lives, and have shared countless moments in daily life as well as well as insights through our almost 20-year-running book club with our red-meat guys and two other couples.
This week Nancy and I got together, not at our regular haunt, but in Minnesota Oncology's chemotherapy room. She was getting a 5-hour treatment to knock out her Stage 4 non-smokers lung cancer. Despite that reality, she was a beacon of light in that huge room with her matter-of-fact attitude, laughter, and usual zest and energy for life. It was so her, and yet so astounding given the circumstances.
I wouldn't be surprised if Nancy outlives us all. But there are no guarantees. She's not "living" as if there's no tomorrow - no bucket-list activities like jumping out of an airplane that I'm aware of. But she is "loving" as if there's no tomorrow - loving life, loving people, and loving God to the max.
Pope Paul VI once said, "Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it, I say! Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows."
Some days I act as if there are plenty of tomorrows, wishing the week away or pining for warm days on the lake. I am grateful that Nancy is inspiring me to love as if there's no tomorrow, and want to encourage you to do the same. Stay tuned for next week's Twinsight: Glance in the Mirror Before You Leave the House.
One day she forgot her makeup and I ran outside after her (hopefully fully dressed...) and we finally introduced ourselves. In the ensuing weeks, we decided to get together with our husbands at the Good Earth. We learned two things. We were instant friends, and that our husbands preferred "911 burgers" (could set off a heart attack) to anything on the Good Earth menu. Now we've known each other half our lives, and have shared countless moments in daily life as well as well as insights through our almost 20-year-running book club with our red-meat guys and two other couples.
This week Nancy and I got together, not at our regular haunt, but in Minnesota Oncology's chemotherapy room. She was getting a 5-hour treatment to knock out her Stage 4 non-smokers lung cancer. Despite that reality, she was a beacon of light in that huge room with her matter-of-fact attitude, laughter, and usual zest and energy for life. It was so her, and yet so astounding given the circumstances.
I wouldn't be surprised if Nancy outlives us all. But there are no guarantees. She's not "living" as if there's no tomorrow - no bucket-list activities like jumping out of an airplane that I'm aware of. But she is "loving" as if there's no tomorrow - loving life, loving people, and loving God to the max.
Pope Paul VI once said, "Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it, I say! Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows."
Some days I act as if there are plenty of tomorrows, wishing the week away or pining for warm days on the lake. I am grateful that Nancy is inspiring me to love as if there's no tomorrow, and want to encourage you to do the same. Stay tuned for next week's Twinsight: Glance in the Mirror Before You Leave the House.
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