Twinsight 36 of 50: Reclaim Joy

I once heard Nancy Ortberg tell a story about how we can get off course in life sometimes. She and her family were in line to get ice cream cones—I believe it was on the Santa Monica pier—and who else happened to be in line but Tom Cruise. She was rather taken with him (what a smile!), and she said that her husband had the same initial reaction about Tom that every man has. He’s short. After they got through the line, Nancy couldn’t figure out what she’d done with the ice cream cone that she’d just bought. Tom turned to her and said, “Hey lady, it’s in your purse.”

Ah, how easily we can be distracted and hardly remember what we set out to do. That particular distraction was harmless, and the only repercussions were a little embarrassment, a fun story to tell, and a sticky purse. So no big deal. And other distractions can actually be good—like when you’re redirecting a toddler away from a tantrum or sitting by the bedside of a sick friend and talking about the Vikings. (Oh wait! No, that would make it worse!) But many distractions - especially very real, complex ones - can deter us from living the vibrant, difference-making lives that we desire, and often rob us of our joy in the present moment. And it can be even more challenging during the holidays.

When I asked the following questions via virtual and real live conversations, here’s what I heard from Angela, Suzanne, Barb, Jane, Fran, Lisa, Kim, Mary, Darsi and Darci, and have learned in my own experience.

What gets in the way of having joy in my life?  

• Living on the verge of exhaustion and having no margin with an ever-expanding to-do list.
• Trying to please everyone else.
• Not having a thankful attitude.
• My own negative internal messaging.
• Worrying about the economy, finances and work pressures and the swirling negativity.
• Saying yes when I should say no.
• Not having time for the really meaningful things in life.
• Seeing no way out of my challenging life circumstances, and regretting what got me here.
• Being lured into keeping up on the lives of acquaintances and celebrities, and not measuring up. 
• Having nagging "what if" fears about the people I love most.
• Technology continually ringing, beeping, chirping, pinging, or chiming for my attention.
• The expectation that I’ll respond instantaneously to any of the above noises.
• Spending a lot of time around someone who saps the life out of me.  
• Not trusting that God will listen and respond in the way I think He should.

I think that’s a long enough list! Can you relate to one or more of them? I sure can. Here are some ideas that I gathered for turning those joy-sucking distractions around.

How can I reclaim my joy?

• Resolve to make sure that none of the distractions listed above run my life.
• Look for the best in others and my circumstances. In her battle with cancer, my friend, Nancy, is an inspiring example of having a positive spirit.
• Seek God at a deeper level. Pray. And look around me for what God is doing and join Him.
• Do something that will bring joy to someone else.
• Take time to do something I love - like grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend, cross-country skiing, scheming a surprise party, or reading a good book. (BTW, our book club is reading Unbroken right now. Amazing story of resiliency.)
• Adjust my expectations. God promises us many things as we trust Him—His continual presence, joy and peace even in the challenges of life, His sovereignty in the world, salvation—but not a perfect life on earth.
• Click less. Or even declare email bankruptcy. Bold, I know.
• Believe in and work for something bigger than myself.
• Get help from a life coach or a therapist. Or vent to a close friend.
• Focus on what’s most important. Let go of the rest.
• Stop thinking about achieving balance and start thinking about being in the moment.
• Choose to live in a place of thankfulness.
 

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Twinsight 12 of 50: Follow Daily Routines to Stay Grounded

I'm not alone. Life moves crazy fast for many of you, too. Thank you for your input about life balance in conversations and emails - not only this past week, but in the course of doing life with many of you. I heard two general themes. The first is that it's important to follow daily routines to stay grounded. The second is that it's critical to arrange life around what's most important. I'll start with the daily routines.

Remember the book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen Covey's best-known book? Shortly after it came out in 1989, my work team took a class about the habits. Individually and collectively, we learned to weave them into the way we worked and lived. Here are the first 6. Be Proactive. Begin with the End in Mind. Put First Things First. Think Win-Win. Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood. Synergize.

The 7th is Sharpen the Saw which about balancing and renewing your resources, energy and health to create a sustainable long-term effective lifestyle. The analogy comes from the woodcutter who continues to saw and saw and saw without taking the time to sharpen his tool, and he becomes increasingly less productive because of his dull blade. What I heard from many of you is that you'd put this one first because building daily routines into your life is the only way to make the rest of life work. The other interesting thing I found was that having regular routines was not exactly about being balanced. Balance is rather elusive and feels like a defeating goal when we can never arrive.

"I don't look for balance in my life as much as simply keeping grounded so that I can continue to work and function at an optimal level," writes Nick.

Here are some of the daily routines that you said are important for grounding:

• Exercise and Eat Right. We're not talking extreme sports here, people! What's most important, regardless of your age, is to exercise every day (even if it's 10 minutes). And it's important to eat right, which for most of us means finding a healthful pattern that generally works (with treats sprinkled in!) and have the discipline to stick to it.
• Connect with God. Anne says it's very simple for her. She advises: "Pray alone, sitting with your Bible open and a notebook ready to hear from the Lord or just cry out to Him with all you need to say. And run/walk alone outside in the open, fresh air and again, pray, pray, pray...then be silent."
• Deal with Incoming Mail. Between every type of paper and electronic media available these days, many of us find it frustrating to keep on top of all the things we need to read and make decisions about. Louise advises: "Handle your mail/paperwork one time only. Shred it, recycle it, pay the bill/record in checkbook, call, or do whatever - right away each day! This makes it easier to notice mistakes made by those billing you, spot ads in the junk mail that you might use, mark dates on your calendar. I tell my kids that there will be something in their mail about once a month that is wrong and it will cost them if they don't follow up."
• Maintain the House. Ugh...it can totally get away from us when life is crowded. Steve, my husband, is really good about setting certain days to do particular chores - like Wednesdays and Saturdays to do laundry and Saturday to cut the grass. "Having regularly routines makes life less stressful because you feel like you have some semblance of order around the house," he says. "And although it's sometimes easier to just go and do it myself, we've worked hard to involve our kids in the chores because it helps all of us."
• Rest. Rest when you need to and don't feel bad about it. Janet, who actively exercises, stays refreshed spiritually and connects with a wide range of people in her work and personal life, also says, "Take naps with your dog when you feel tired." (I want to do that right now!)
• Reach Out. Many of you said it's important to have regular touch points with people you care about throughout your day and have people who are lifelines. "Talk to someone who can relate to similar stresses," recommends Polly.

I agree with David O. McKay who said, "The greatest battles of life are fought out every day in the silent chambers of one's own soul." There are many joys to be discovered every day, but also battles to be fought - both internally and externally. As we follow healthful daily routines, I believe the joys surface more readily and we're stronger for the battles.

Next week I'll share what we're collectively learning about how to live out what's most important in life. I'd love to continue to hear from you.

Twinsight 11 of 50: Recognize That Life Moves Crazy Fast

Life feels suffocatingly busy right now. How about for you?

Part of the intensity is simply the season of the year combined with my season of life. What's with the month of May anyway? With school-aged kids, it seems that spring activities culminate, grad parties and special events abound, and summer activities already start. So it's non-stop fun, right?

Pile on the fact that there's no such thing as a down minute unless you walk away from civilization and hibernate in the Boundary Waters. Like many families, we have an array of electronic equipment that is ringing, beeping, chirping, scrolling or singing at any given moment. I was thinking back to when I was in high school - no PCs, no cells, no iAnything, no Googling...not even cordless home phones. I make it sound like the Dark Ages. It kind of was from an electronics standpoint. My parents gave me a Smith Corona typewriter for my high school graduation. Unlike my mom's typewriter in our home office, this new one was light enough to carry. (Well, I'm not sure that I could actually carry it, but my dad could.) My dad was quite progressive in having this fancy brick-like device in his car that he used to communicate to others who were working in various potato and wheat fields. "Just like uptown," my mom would say. I was never sure what planet that uptown was on, but it wasn't near my orbit.

When Leah was in pre-school, probably around 1997, I bought my first "car phone"...you know, a phone to have in your car for emergencies. I vividly remember when I had this ah-ha moment in her pre-school parking lot. Hey, I could unplug this thing and put it in my purse when I run into pre-school. Ooooh, cool. I was concerned that my little slip of a phone would get lost in the bottom of my huge mom purse so I made a mental note to keep track of it and not spill iced tea on it.

Fast forward to today. On top of the fact that there's no escaping, the world is simply intense. Some of the intensity is energizing with God actively at work around the world, the rapid pace of innovation, and the connectivity of social networking. Then there's the staggering number of world events just this year - from devastating natural disasters to the death of Bin Laden to celebrities' dark secrets coming into the light. Closer to home, there's pressure in all of our organizations to get results with fewer resources, and health issues that some of our friends are facing. In his book, Margin, Dr. Richard Swenson wrote, "For millenia upon millenia, change was slow, controlled, assessable; now it convulses at warp speed. ... No one in the history of humankind has ever had to live with the number and intensity of stressors we have acting upon us today."

So how do we cope and even thrive? And how do we help coach our children to be prepared for a world that may be even more intense? I read a lot about life balance (does that count?), but it continues to elude me. It sounds very reasonable to work 8 am - 5 pm, put away all electronics at 8 pm, only allow each child to be involved in one activity, have a nice family dinner each night, and feel caught up before I go to bed. Then real life kicks in. I think it's healthy to recognize that life moves crazy fast, and I need to carefully choose my priorities and seek to live a healthy balance that's realistic in today's reality.

What works for you as you seek some semblance of a balanced life? Let me know what works for you and I'll share our collective tips next week.