Twinsight 4 of 50: Get Over It

When our girls were about ages seven and three, I was in the market for a different car. I really wanted a slightly used Volvo wagon. I just thought it was a cool vehicle and practical to boot. But the girls desperately wanted a mini van. And they won. As I was driving off the lot with the girls cheering from the back of my "bus," I saw the vehicle of my dreams and said, "Hey, there's a Volvo wagon!"

Leah retorted, "Mom...REALLY, you need to get over it!"

Although I didn't appreciate her sarcastic tone, she was right on. Sometimes I just can't let go. (I wouldn't go straight to love, but I did grow to appreciate that vehicle because I spent so much time in it with these two amazing little people.)

It's in my best interest (and probably yours as my friends) that I quickly let go of my 40s and start embracing my 50s. Garrison Keillor was the one who made me realize that I was doing some internal kicking and screaming and I should stop. In his "Stop Complaining" essay, he writes, "No one cares that you don't like getting older--so quit bellyaching. But 50 is a great time to lose the ponytail [what works for Willie Nelson doesn't necessarily work for you], start telling the truth, and stop having dinner with people you don't like."

He goes on to say, "Put the past behind you. This is even easier to do at my age (62 [at the time]) but you can get a start at 50--make a pile of your regrets and put a match to them and let them blow away, the lost loves, the estranged friends, the botched education, the unwritten novel, the neglected guitar, the ruinous investments, the dear friend who committed suicide, the opportunities that will sail away without you--put that knapsack full of rocks on the ground and walk away and find something in the here-and-now that absorbs you and take up with that, a garden, a grandchild, a choir, yoga, knitting, amassing a collection of porcelain pigs, a political agitation, learning the drop-thumb style of banjo."

So today I'm vowing to move beyond regrets--some things I've said and some things I haven't had the guts to say, times I've acted too fast or not at all, and times my life balance has been out of whack. There's nothing I can do about it now other than apologize where I need to, learn and move ahead. But it's not too late to do things like volunteer with a prison ministry, learn to wake board, improve my standing in running races (especially now that I'm in an easier age bracket...wahoo!), and see the Great Wall of China.

Keillor ends his advice for people turning 50 by saying, "It's a time of marvels on every hand, great richness, emotional clarity, and great sweetness. Sixty is even better, but don't hurry." 1

And I won't!

Stay tuned for next week's Twinsight: Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Judge.

1 Garrison Keillor, "Stop Complaining," in Ronnie Sellers (ed.), Fifty Things To Do When You Turn 50, Ronnie Sellers Productions, Inc., Portland, ME, 2005, pp. 17-21.