Twinsight 33 of 50: Hope for the Best

We live in kind of a sleepy little neighborhood in the lakes area of the Twin Cities where the houses are close together and everyone loves the peace and serenity of the great outdoors while having access to the city. Nothing too exciting happens out here which is just fine with us.

We do, however, have one neighbor up the street who grew up in the area but now plays in the NBA. He has a house up the street which he stays in when he's in town. It's Kris Humphries. We don't know him personally but see him periodically driving to his house or in the surrounding area. And sometimes when I cross country ski on the lake with Pabby, his cute little dogs bark at us like crazy.

So that's not too big of a deal, right? Right. Until this past year. He dated, got engaged to, and married Kim Kardashian. If you don't know who she is, don't feel bad. I didn't either. But we're really in the minority.

And what does she really do? (By the way, if you ask that question, most likely you're over 40.)  Kim and the rest of the Kardashian empire made $65 million in 2010 through TV shows, fashion lines, books, perfume, music, jewelry, endorsements and the like, which was a couple mil more than Warren Buffett.

It seems that we either idolize and try (at a far distance) to keep up with people like Kim, or we completely trivialize, criticize and dismiss them. They've subjected themselves to public scrutiny, so somehow it's easy to justify. However, when they drive up and down your street and go to your neighborhood grocery store and your local fitness center now and then, they become more human and throwing verbal rocks seems wrong.

I don't idolize Kim or necessarily endorse the way she lives her life, but I do find myself curious about what's she's really like and what makes her tick. From what I can tell, she knows who she is and what she wants, and relentlessly pursues her current dreams and dreams she hasn't even dreamt. And she's really got the social networking thing down. I like using Twitter for business and am excited that I now have 134 followers. She has 10,749,002. Sheesh! And she actually makes big money on some of her tweets. On top of all that, she's brilliantly creative and never stops thinking of new ways to expand her brand.

The odds are stacked against them when it comes to them having a real and lasting marriage. As I walked through a couple of airports this week, I noticed at least two magazine covers that are already plotting their marriage's demise. But Kris and Kim have said they want a good marriage. I, for one, am going to give them the benefit of the doubt and hope for the best for them. That's what we do in our sleepy little neighborhood.

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Twinsight 32 of 50: Process Decisions with Purpose

Chloe and Heather...always ready to act out any emotion or scenario!

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Sometimes it's invigorating to make decisions throughout the day that move you in the right direction and make you feel like life's bumping along well. And other times when life is rocky and exhausting, decisions - even the little ones - seem burdensome. Then I wish my mom were just here to make them all for me. And as you're well aware, I'm 50!

For those of us in mid life, decisions might be around what our career paths or detours might look like given this economy...how we spend our never-enough-hours-in-the-day time...how to mend a broken relationship...how to discipline ourselves to stay healthy....how to wisely save and spend our money...how to keep up with the latest technology...how to spend time on what's most important.

For teens and young adults, decisions might be around whom to spend the majority of your face and virtual time with...what activities to participate in....where to go to college...where to find a part-time job...what to pursue as a career....whom to date...how to give back to society...how much to study vs. socialize vs. sleep. I've heard it said that in college you can can get good grades, have a great social life, and get enough sleep. But you can only pick two at a time!

I was talking with our friend, Loria, about how to process a particular decision in my life. And she said that her family uses this simple "FTDL" method in processing decisions. I found the steps extremely helpful, and wanted to share them with you, too. You can write down your answers, or just process them in your head.

• Feel. Take a deep dive into my emotions and own those emotions, even if I feel like I've made a mistake, am confused or hurt, am not proud of them, or don't know the answers. The emotions that keep coming to the surface will be the ones that are most honest and real. Emotions are as real as thoughts, and can distract or even paralyze us from moving on in life if we don't deal with them. Depending on the situation, this step might take a few minutes or months. Ugh, right?
• Think. What are the logical facts? And what am I thinking about the situation? What's my rational side saying? It may be completely opposite of your feelings about the situation, and that's okay. It's helpful to process what you're thinking so you can discover what's congruent with and different from your feelings. You can switch the order of feeling and thinking, but I find that sometimes the feelings are really shaping my decision making under the surface so it helps to start by identifying them.
• Do. Based on my feelings and thoughts, what should I do? What action do I believe God is leading me to take - maybe take a small step or make a big decision or something in between? Some people never take action, but I, for one, need to caution myself to not act rashly and be okay with living in the gray areas while I process.
• Learn. What did I learn from the situation? Am I completely done with it and ready to move on, or do I need to start with feelings and take a fresh look at it?

Try it. See what you feel and think. Move to what you can do about it and learn from it.

This process really helped me this past week, and hope it is helpful for you, too.

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Twinsight 31 of 50: Train Your Heart to Release

Leah with her roommate, Rachel

We sit here in the presence of miracles.

That’s one of the declarations that Campus Pastor Laurel Bunker made during the Welcome Week send off at Bethel University in August as she spoke to us parents and our freshmen as they launched their college careers.

Since then, I’ve found myself pondering that statement. Miracles…hmm… A miracle is defined as “an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause…a wonder, marvel.”

How true it was that we were sitting in the midst of miracles that day. For starters, what a miracle it was to have brought these young adults into the world in the first place through birth and adoption. And then to rear them for 18 years through the ups and downs of life and get to the point where we were releasing them into the next phase of their journey. On top of that, there’s the anticipated miracle of how God is going to transform each of them in the next four years. I fully realize that the act of releasing your child into adulthood does not happen at one point in time. But if there was a shift-in-control pivot point in the journey, it was that day.  

Although Leah’s only an hour away, she’s been very independent and we haven’t seen or heard too much from her. We went to a Bethel football game a few weeks ago, and I texted her after the game to see if she wanted to come over from the student section to say goodbye. She texted back with, "no I think i’m good." WHAT??? Actually, it was a great sign that she’s living her her own life.

So how do I release her to her future? I know that it's the right thing to do and she's obviously ready, but it's been harder than I thought. Maybe it's because you spend so many years in the day-to-day trenches of parenting, and you don't just climb out overnight. Or maybe it's because there’s no cookie-cutter formula for doing it. I’m learning that so much depends on the individual circumstances and personality of your young adult—maybe even more so than when he or she was in your home. So I’m learning every day, and I appreciate any and all advice so do share! I have gleaned insights recently from the experiences of friends with older daughters—particularly Solveig, Darsi, Loria, and Janet. Bless you.

I’m a complete novice, but here’s what I’m learning to do in the releasing process:

1) Step Back and Pray – I mentally take three steps back and start praying like crazy. I have a daily reminder set on my phone to pray for Leah around things like tenacity, courage, focus, strength, honest and fun relationships, and clarity. Pastor Laurel made an excellent point that has really stuck with me: praying for our young adults is the best way to influence them now.

2) Listen and Guide – Leah has a lot going on inside and out. I need to listen about 80% of the time and talk about 20%. I need to be attentive and ready to guide and advise her when there's an opportune moment, but I need to let her take the lead. And then if I feel really strongly about something, she will be able to hear what I have to say because I haven't been babbling incessantly!

3) Wait and Trust – While I wait in the wings, I need to live MY life to the fullest...live in what I’ve been given today and not think for a minute that I can or should control hers.  And I need to trust God with her future and release her into the incredible plans He has for her, and trust her because she has a really good head and heart and a strong foundation from which to build.

4) Repeat.

So tomorrow I will wake up and want to move into high-involvement mode (worry, wonder, meddle..STOP!), and then will look at my simple little diagram and retrain my heart to release. Does it become more natural over time? What has worked for you - either as the one releasing or the one being released?

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Twinsight 30 of 50: Find Your Banana Rhythm

I don’t know about you, but I hadn’t thought too much about the impact that Steve Jobs had on our lives until this week. All week we’ve seen and heard so much about his accomplishments and legacy, including the fact he was an adopted child which is near and dear to my heart. It’s astounding to think about how he provided society-changing leadership and innovation that was instrumental in turning our technology from something that was hard, cold and utilitarian into everything about the almighty "i." I loved how Peter Sagal on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me surmised that Steve is probably at the entrance to heaven giving St. Peter design advice - recommending that he use brushed aluminum instead of a pearly finish, and asking him to please drop the word "gates."

When I first entered the work world in 1983, I took a computer science class at the University of Minnesota because I wanted to learn more about computers. The whole experience was cave-like. It wasn’t a very popular class so it was relegated to some dark, dreary room with cinder block walls, and was taught by two caveman-looking, bearded guys who sounded really smart but were super confusing to follow. Although I didn’t  have the foresight to articulate it at the time, I felt frustrated by the coldness of a technology that had so much potential. It's so easy to think, "Hey, I should of thought of that!" when holding an iPhone, right?

So Apple’s already revolutionized the way we interact with technology. Where are we as a society going to take technology next? Maybe none of us will be the next Steve Jobs. But in our little corner of the world, maybe we can do our part to continually innovate and make the world a more personally-connected place. Maybe it's taking Apple concepts and turning them into Bananas.  Maybe we can create devices with a natural curve that hugs our face and our hands. Who knows. Here are the words I've put by my desk to spur me on to get into what I'll call my "banana rhythm"... you know, the groove that takes you outside the ranges of normal.

My Banana Rhythm

Simple

Connected
Innovation

Choose

Faith

Today

Here's what Steve had to say:

Simple – “Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clear to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.” (Jobs, Business Week, 1998)

Connected – “Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. … The reason they were able to do that was that they’ve had more experiences or they have thought more about their experiences than other people.” (Jobs, Wired, 1996)

Innovation – “It’s really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.” (Jobs, Businessweek, 1998)

Choose – "Do you have any advice," Nike CEO Mark Parker asked Jobs. "Well, just one thing, said Jobs. "Nike makes some of the best products in the world. Products that you lust after. But you also make a lot of crap. Just get rid of the crappy stuff and focus on the good stuff." (Jobs phone conversation with Parker shortly after Parker became CEO) 

Faith – "Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. … Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle." (Jobs, Stanford commencement address, 2005)

Today – “No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share.  No one has escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the best invention of life. It's life's change agent.  It clears out the old to make way for the new. ... Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. ...Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your inner voice."  (Jobs, Stanford commencement address, 2005)

I know this posting is a little off beat. But isn't that where it all starts? What moves you into a creative, "banana rhythm" of life? I'd love to hear your ideas.

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Twinsight 29 of 50: Hang on to Lifelong Friends



Erica and Jesse

Have you had the experience of going to a wedding of someone you've known since birth and saw grow up through the years? We had that experience last weekend in Chicago. The bride was Erica, and I met her mom, Loria, in my first job out of college, and we subsequently met her dad, Robert, right around the time Erica was born. We quickly fell in love with all three of them. And even though we haven't lived in the same city for most of the time we've known one another, we've managed to stay close friends.

Loria is one of those people you want to talk with for hours (and I have!). She says that strangers on buses and planes frequently pour their hearts out to her. She's a deeply spiritual person, an accomplished business professional, and a trustworthy advisor who brings a classy flair to everything she touches. Robert is a dear, soulful, wise man. And Erica is this amazing blend of the two of them - as beautiful as she is bold, and as warm as she is gutsy. Even if we don't see one another for a year or two, it's like time has stood still since the last time we had a deep conversation and really good laugh.

Leah & Chloe with Erica trying on a dress for a special dance

With Leah, Loria and Erica in downtown Chicago

Now we're looking forward to getting to know Erica's husband, Jesse, as he joins their family. He's a wonderful young man, and their wedding was simply magical - elegant and embracing all at once. As we met other friends of theirs, I just had to smile because it was so clear that what we feel for this family was universal among all of us. In God's providence, our lives had intersected with them somehow and are richer for it.

Last December on the day that Heidi, Sylvia, Loria & I helped Erica find her wedding dress!

Erica watching photos of her and her dad to "My Girl" at the reception

Reception...great fun with Steve & Heidi, in particular

When Leah turned 16, I asked some friends to secretly each write a note to her that I compiled in a book to give her as a "party in a book." Erica is a gifted writer, and had this wise counsel for her that tells you a lot about who she is and what she stands for:

• Remain true to yourself, and don't ever apologize to your critics for being who you are.
• Never forget who you are and where you came from.
• Always remember that your parents will always be there for you. Even when it may seem that you are totally alone or you may be facing something that you may not think that they can possibly understand for whatever reason, I guarantee you they can understand much better than you can ever imagine.
• Own your behavior. If you make a mistake or do something stupid, admit that you did it and learn from your mistakes. People will respect you so much more.
• Learn to love yourself and embrace your shortcomings. This may seem easy, but trust me, it is one of the hardest and most rewarding things you can do.
• Never hesitate to fight for what you think is right.
• Remember that falling in love is the easy part, but falling in love with the right person and working hard to make it work is what separates puppy love from true love.
• Don't give your heart away too easily to make sure whomever you give it to works hard to get your love and loves you for who you are.
• Hold on tight to your dreams and remember they are one thing no one can ever take away from you.
• Believe in yourself. It will make life much easier.
• Realize that if you have at least one person in your life who is truly your friend, one who won't tell your secrets, is your shoulder to cry on and accepts you for who you are, you are truly blessed.

Amen. Cherishing the blessing of lifelong friends today.

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Twinsight 28 of 50: Find the Humor in Every Day

We have one family member who is simply funnier than the rest of us. It's Chloe. While she's smart and talented in a variety of areas, she probably best known for her winsome, fun spirit. She has a good sense of humor, belts out room-filling laughter whenever anyone does or says something that she thinks is remotely funny (or not), and is infamous for naive comments which her friends will attest to.

Recently I was asking my family for ideas for this blog, and Chloe said, "Hey, you haven't done one on me!" So with her permission, here we go. Here's an mere excerpt from the annals of Chloe stories.

Age 1-1/2: The Independent Thinker

During potty training season, I went into the bathroom one day and Chloe had a Barbie suspended over the toilet and was plunging her in and out of the water saying, "BATHROOM, BATHROOM!" Maybe I was pushing her a little too hard get out of diapers? One day I'll probably pay big money to a psychiatrist to work through that early childhood pressure with her. However, shortly after that time she did seek revenge for my pressure. When she did learn to use the potty chair, one night she poured the contents over my shoulders when I was in the bathtub...

Age 2: The Hungry Child

One evening we were at the counter at Culvers ordering our meals, and Chloe wandered over to the eating area. She walked right up to a table with two retired couples, pointed to a French fry on one of the men's plates, and said, "I NEED THAT." We quickly made a bee line for the table to assure her (and the couples) that she would be getting her own food shortly and could stop begging and stealing. But they were so charmed that they wanted to take her home with them.

Age 4: The Brainiac

When Chloe attended preschool at the International School of Minnesota (ISM), we had a coworker of mine over for dinner who was interested in the school and was going to test the intellectual rigor by quizzing Chloe. So my coworker asked her, "What's your favorite subject?" Chloe pondered for about 10 seconds and confidently said, "Lunch!" Wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt, my coworker said, "Well then, what's your favorite academic subject? Chloe thought about 15 seconds this time and blurted out, "Recess!" (By the way, her comments were no reflection on the actual academic strength of the school.)

Pre-school favs: 1) Lunch, 2) Recess, 3) Finger painting

Age 5: The Profanity Police

Remember that epic film, Jack_ _ _? Chloe heard an ad for it on TV and said to Steve, "Oh dad, that's bad. They should change the name of that movie to Jack Bottom!"

Age 13: The Naive Friend

Chloe and her friend, Heather saw a guy wearing a stud muffin t-shirt with a logo like this one. Chloe observed, "Hey, a stud cupcake!" Wow.

Chloe and Heather

Age 14: The Dog Expert

A few weeks ago after Leah went to college and Steve and I were at work, one day Chloe ended up home alone with Pabby with nothing to do. (Hey, one day in the whole summer isn't bad.) Pabby is really Leah's dog and for all 7-1/2 years of his life, Chloe has given him relatively little love and attention. When we got home, Chloe said, "Hey, sorry, I forgot to feed Pabby lunch." Good thing! Guess there's no time like the present to learn that he has never nor never will need lunch.

Chloe and Pabby

Oh Chlo Chlo. With high school just starting, there's bound to be a lot more material to come. Right, friends?

Mollie, Ali, Chloe & Jackie

You can find her on Facebook and on Twitter @thechloepatra.

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Twinsight 27 of 50: Persevere Each Day

The Langs

In the midst of many positive things in my life, this week has felt heavy to me...starting with the anniversary of 9/11 and followed by more sobering news about the economy, pressures at work, transitions with having our girls move into college and high school, the weight of coming alongside a couple of friends in difficult life circumstances, too much on my plate, etc. Maybe you're feeling some of those same challenges.

How do we wake up each morning with fresh energy to face whatever comes in the day - both the encouraging moments and the ones that may be perplexing and frustrating? I want to share a story with you that has been so inspiring to me as I seek to be a persevering person. It's about Pat Lang, a vibrant woman we met a few years ago. In addition to a grown son, she has two adopted daughters from China, Mikaylah and Maddie. Maddie, her younger daughter has a serious, rare illness, and Pat perseveres with amazing tenacity, stamina and grace through it all - day by day, sometimes minute by minute.

Instead of telling you about it, I want to encourage you to watch a 7-minute video that the Lighthouse Media guys (Peter, Dan and Steve) had the opportunity to produce for a faith story segment at our church, Westwood Community Church. 

On the door that goes to our garage, I've posted a sign that reads:

God, you've given me this new day.
Help me to live it for you.
I go with confidence because you go before me!

I've now added the picture above to remind me to pray for their family and confidently press on into my day. If Pat can do it, we can do it!

Twinsight 26 of 50: Unite as Americans in Remembering

Today we are probably all thinking about where we were 10 years ago. Where were you? I was at work downtown Minneapolis at Hewitt Associates. As my colleagues and I started hearing the news, we each gradually came out of our offices and gathered in the one room with a TV. What is most poignant to me as I recall it now was how quiet the room was as we hung on every image and word on TV, trying to make sense of what seemed so senseless and unbelievable. Within a couple of hours, we were encouraged to leave the building because we are close to the IDS Center, the tallest building in the city, and there was speculation that other major US cities might be the next targets.

At the time, we had a Hewitt office in NYC but not in the World Trade Center towers. Last fall, we were acquired by Aon. Despite the little hassles that go along with any merger or acquisition, it's been interesting to learn about and start leveraging the expanded expertise that we have as a combined firm with a much broader global reach. Aon is also the principal shirt sponsor for Manchester United, the world's #1 sports brand, which is an exciting connection.

But I learned something about Aon a few days ago that was incredibly sobering. In 2001, the firm lost 176 colleagues on 9/11. A couple of days ago our CEO, Greg Case, sent the following message to honor those who lost their lives and encourage us all to remember. I was so moved by it that I got permission to share it with you.

To:        All Colleagues

From:         Greg Case

Date:        September 8, 2011

Re:        Remembering Our Colleagues on September 11

Colleagues,

Sunday, September 11 marks the 10th anniversary of the World Trade Center tragedy. It is a day for mourning and remembering our 176 friends and colleagues and for remembering the courage of their families who have since moved forward in the face of unequaled sorrow.

Your global Aon colleagues hope that on Sunday you will join us to honor the memory of our lost colleagues by lighting a candle or sharing a moment of silence on their behalf at 10:28 a.m. EDT, the moment when the second tower fell in New York City.

For the past decade, Aon’s New York office has taken part in its own special traditions and those will continue this year. On Friday, September 9, 176 white roses will be displayed in the lobby of the Aon New York office at 199 Water Street with the names of our colleagues. On the same day, I will be with several hundred Aon colleagues in New York attending a non-denominational memorial service at St. Peter’s Church.

In August, some of our New York colleagues honored their fallen friends by supporting the New York City Police Officers and Firefighters participating in the 2011 World Police and Fire Games in August. Many New York police and firefighters lost their lives in the World Trade Center, and Aon continues to be a strong supporter of their good work. In addition, representatives from the Tribute WTC Visitor Center came to Aon’s New York office in July to capture reflections from some of our colleagues about September 11. These reflections will be part of the Tribute located in Battery Park in New York City near the Gardens of Remembrance.

Aon also has been a major supporter of the National September 11 Memorial & Museum at the World Trade Center. The museum, which is set within the footprints of the original Twin Towers, will provide visitors with a place for contemplation, reflection and remembrance. Aon also has been a significant sponsor of Project Rebirth, a video documentary that captures in images and sounds the rebuilding of lives as well as the Ground Zero location where the World Trade Center formerly stood. The film’s mission is to chronicle living history and honor September 11 victims and first responders. It will premiere on the ShowTime cable network on September 11.

In addition, the Aon Memorial Education Fund, a program started in 2002 and funded in part by the support of Aon colleagues around the world, continues to provide scholarships for post-secondary education to the dependent children of our lost colleagues. Through various fundraising activities, Aon has raised more than $2.6 million and has helped over 60 young people pursue their secondary education goals.

One of those is David Hemschoot, the son of Mark Hemschoot, who died on September 11. David graduated magna cum laude from Fairleigh Dickinson University in New Jersey and received recognition as the top student in the Finance Department at the university. In his note to Aon, David said in part, “Seeing the scholarships as a tribute to my father has made me work very hard to do my best at college.”

David’s success story is a tribute to his mother and father. It also represents the success stories of many other children of Aon colleagues we lost on September 11 who have achieved great things. And in some small way, the various efforts of Aon colleagues around the world to support the Fund have been the greatest legacy all of us can give to the memory of those friends and colleagues who were lost on September 11.

As part of our tradition, you can continue to celebrate the lives of our lost Aon colleagues through Aon’s Legacy web site and the Aon Book of Remembrances.

Ten years ago on September 11 we witnessed destruction and tragedy. May we always remember the courage of our lost friends and colleagues and may that spirit continue to live not only among all of us, but also among their children who offer our world a shining light for a better tomorrow.  

Best,
Greg

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Twinsight 25 of 50: Remind Yourself of Labors of Love

Can you believe it's Labor Day weekend? The summer always feels like it goes too fast, but I'm honestly not sure where this one went. The Labor Day holiday was established to remember the rights and triumphs that workers in business and industry have gained over the last couple of centuries. We have certainly come a long way. My parents and grandparents were part of the generations who made such significant progress in American business, and maybe yours were as well. After I finished college and had been in the workplace for several years (and they had become SO much smarter!), I framed this quote for my parents:

A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer life

depend on the labors of other men [and women], living and dead, and that

I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure
as I have received and am still receiving.

- Albert Einstein

Gardar, ND, church and cemetery where my parents were laid to rest

I'm doing well if even once a day I remember that others have invested in my life, and that I, in turn, have the responsibility and privilege to give back to others in all avenues of my life. But today, as I reflect on the influence of my parents who have both passed away, I'd like to share a variation of some thoughts that I posted on my mom's CaringBridge site last year.

• My parents' influence has shaped so much of who I am. I knew that fact intellectually, but now it's more clear to me how they shaped me in so many ways that affect me every day, even after they're no longer on earth. In certain poignant moments of life - like dropping Leah off at college last week and remembering watching mom and dad silently walk to the car after we said goodbye on my first day of college - I even sense their presence with me now. We certainly weren't a perfect family. But despite our flaws and quirks, there was an implicit unconditional love and grace that permeated our home, something we actively seek to build in our home now.
• The memories become sweeter and crisper. I have countless memories that are more endearing and clearer in my mind now - like finding the gifts that mom had creatively scattered around the house on Christmas morning, sitting with my dad in his chair and reading newspapers together (he subscribed to 11 at one point), and watching him completely embrace and love our girls after he had been hesitant about adoption. Steve misses mom's ironing. She loved to iron and it was always on her job list when she came to our house. She even ironed his underwear. Wow, we miss that service although Steve can bend over with more ease now that his shorts aren't starched.
• God is a God of healing. Now when I have a ping of sadness about them - usually triggered by little things like hearing Rhapsody in Blue (one of my dad's favorite songs) or watching a teenage boy put his bare feet on a coffee table (something mom was famous for) - a little smile comes to my face...not so much tears anymore. Time does heal. But it's not as much about time as about how God is working. It seems that through people and circumstances, God just shows up when I need Him most and He assures me that He is with me through thick and thin and that won't ever change (Deuteronomy 31:6).
• Life marches on. While it's important to savor the memories, it's important to move on and live life to the fullest. Mom and dad wouldn't want it any other way. One of the pastors of our church, Joel, lent me a book called A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser who suffered a catastrophic loss. Sittser writes, "...the experience of loss itself does not have to be the defining moment of our lives. Instead, the defining moment can be our response to the loss. It is not what happens to us that matters as much as what happens in us." Fredrick Buechner writes, "Even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead."

If photos had names like paintings, I'd name this one "Lighten Up!"

Who has labored in love on your behalf? May today we remind ourselves of those labors and resolve to do the same for others.

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Twinsight 24 of 50: Don't Underestimate a Small Town

Cousins Connie, Ruthie, Kristi and Dorothy with me

As you may know, I grew up in a town of a few hundred people in North Dakota. What comes to mind when I say that? Through the years, particularly from people I've met from outside the Midwest, I've had questions along the lines of...

• Were you born in a barn? (No. As a one-time mom at age 41 in March of 1961, my mom drove herself to her doctor's appointment in a larger town of a couple thousand people. Her doctor decided to admit her to the small hospital there, and she delivered me and then called my dad to tell him that they had a daughter. So no, it was not a barn but it was a little unusual.)
• Did they have schools there? (Yes, but I had to walk six miles, uphill both ways. Sheesh. No, actually, we had grades K-12 and vehicles galore to get around.)
• Did it ever stop snowing? (Hey, I know that it's not 120 every day in Phoenix, so you should know it's not snowing every day in ND. As a matter of fact, it was 85 and sunny during my last visit.)
• How many restaurants were there in your town? (Two when I lived there, but none now. But there are so many great cooks so who needs a restaurant? And they have good pizza at the Cenex station.)
• Could you go to a gym to work out? (There were no health club options, but I did manage to get exercise through formal and informal school sports. And I did start running when I lived there. However, to this day when I visit, someone in a pick up or golf cart invariably stops and asks me if I need a ride. And by the way, in North Dakota it's a "pick up," NOT a "pick up truck.")
• Did you know everyone? (Pretty much. As a matter of fact, I was related to healthy percentage of the people in the county. And I've had the experience several times of someone calling our home by mistake and then proceeding to talk for 20 minutes because, of course, it was a friend or relative.)
• How close is the nearest Starbucks? (Now THAT'S a good question. I believe it was 400 miles away in Minneapolis until recent years. Now there are several only 75 miles away in Grand Forks. Wahoo!)

Cousins Jackson, Taylor, Joe & Sam with Leah & Chloe
Gotta love the height difference between Chloe and Joe:)

Despite the fact that life is on a smaller scale and every opportunity isn't at your fingertips (oh, and the winters are crazy cold), it is a pretty great way to live and I feel incredibly blessed for having spent my first 18 years there. In my experience, here's what you'll generally find in small towns. Well-adjusted people with strong EQ. True blue, honest, authentic, loyal friends. A less complex, down-to-earth life. Hardworking, responsible, smart farmers running high-tech businesses in a global economy. And people who have a genuine faith, can make the best of any situation, and are simply there for you no matter what.

A glimpse into the farm with cousin Fred

But don't take my word for it. Here are a couple of amazing facts. North Dakota has a bustling economy, which in turn, has resulted in the nation's lowest unemployment rate. Per this recent USA TODAY article, "The state's unemployment rate hasn't touched 5% since 1987. The state's per capita income rose over the decade from 38th in the nation to 17th, the biggest advance of any state."

And North Dakota was the #2 state on Gallup's wellbeing index that came out this week. Hawaii was #1. Since competing with Hawaii is completely unfair, ND is #1 to me.

If you have a chance to spend time in a small town, I encourage you to do so. No place is perfect, but small towns certainly provide a good way to get grounded in what's real and lasting. And they simply warm your heart.

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