Twinsight 25 of 50: Remind Yourself of Labors of Love

Can you believe it's Labor Day weekend? The summer always feels like it goes too fast, but I'm honestly not sure where this one went. The Labor Day holiday was established to remember the rights and triumphs that workers in business and industry have gained over the last couple of centuries. We have certainly come a long way. My parents and grandparents were part of the generations who made such significant progress in American business, and maybe yours were as well. After I finished college and had been in the workplace for several years (and they had become SO much smarter!), I framed this quote for my parents:

A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer life

depend on the labors of other men [and women], living and dead, and that

I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure
as I have received and am still receiving.

- Albert Einstein

Gardar, ND, church and cemetery where my parents were laid to rest

I'm doing well if even once a day I remember that others have invested in my life, and that I, in turn, have the responsibility and privilege to give back to others in all avenues of my life. But today, as I reflect on the influence of my parents who have both passed away, I'd like to share a variation of some thoughts that I posted on my mom's CaringBridge site last year.

• My parents' influence has shaped so much of who I am. I knew that fact intellectually, but now it's more clear to me how they shaped me in so many ways that affect me every day, even after they're no longer on earth. In certain poignant moments of life - like dropping Leah off at college last week and remembering watching mom and dad silently walk to the car after we said goodbye on my first day of college - I even sense their presence with me now. We certainly weren't a perfect family. But despite our flaws and quirks, there was an implicit unconditional love and grace that permeated our home, something we actively seek to build in our home now.
• The memories become sweeter and crisper. I have countless memories that are more endearing and clearer in my mind now - like finding the gifts that mom had creatively scattered around the house on Christmas morning, sitting with my dad in his chair and reading newspapers together (he subscribed to 11 at one point), and watching him completely embrace and love our girls after he had been hesitant about adoption. Steve misses mom's ironing. She loved to iron and it was always on her job list when she came to our house. She even ironed his underwear. Wow, we miss that service although Steve can bend over with more ease now that his shorts aren't starched.
• God is a God of healing. Now when I have a ping of sadness about them - usually triggered by little things like hearing Rhapsody in Blue (one of my dad's favorite songs) or watching a teenage boy put his bare feet on a coffee table (something mom was famous for) - a little smile comes to my face...not so much tears anymore. Time does heal. But it's not as much about time as about how God is working. It seems that through people and circumstances, God just shows up when I need Him most and He assures me that He is with me through thick and thin and that won't ever change (Deuteronomy 31:6).
• Life marches on. While it's important to savor the memories, it's important to move on and live life to the fullest. Mom and dad wouldn't want it any other way. One of the pastors of our church, Joel, lent me a book called A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser who suffered a catastrophic loss. Sittser writes, "...the experience of loss itself does not have to be the defining moment of our lives. Instead, the defining moment can be our response to the loss. It is not what happens to us that matters as much as what happens in us." Fredrick Buechner writes, "Even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead."

If photos had names like paintings, I'd name this one "Lighten Up!"

Who has labored in love on your behalf? May today we remind ourselves of those labors and resolve to do the same for others.

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Twinsight 24 of 50: Don't Underestimate a Small Town

Cousins Connie, Ruthie, Kristi and Dorothy with me

As you may know, I grew up in a town of a few hundred people in North Dakota. What comes to mind when I say that? Through the years, particularly from people I've met from outside the Midwest, I've had questions along the lines of...

• Were you born in a barn? (No. As a one-time mom at age 41 in March of 1961, my mom drove herself to her doctor's appointment in a larger town of a couple thousand people. Her doctor decided to admit her to the small hospital there, and she delivered me and then called my dad to tell him that they had a daughter. So no, it was not a barn but it was a little unusual.)
• Did they have schools there? (Yes, but I had to walk six miles, uphill both ways. Sheesh. No, actually, we had grades K-12 and vehicles galore to get around.)
• Did it ever stop snowing? (Hey, I know that it's not 120 every day in Phoenix, so you should know it's not snowing every day in ND. As a matter of fact, it was 85 and sunny during my last visit.)
• How many restaurants were there in your town? (Two when I lived there, but none now. But there are so many great cooks so who needs a restaurant? And they have good pizza at the Cenex station.)
• Could you go to a gym to work out? (There were no health club options, but I did manage to get exercise through formal and informal school sports. And I did start running when I lived there. However, to this day when I visit, someone in a pick up or golf cart invariably stops and asks me if I need a ride. And by the way, in North Dakota it's a "pick up," NOT a "pick up truck.")
• Did you know everyone? (Pretty much. As a matter of fact, I was related to healthy percentage of the people in the county. And I've had the experience several times of someone calling our home by mistake and then proceeding to talk for 20 minutes because, of course, it was a friend or relative.)
• How close is the nearest Starbucks? (Now THAT'S a good question. I believe it was 400 miles away in Minneapolis until recent years. Now there are several only 75 miles away in Grand Forks. Wahoo!)

Cousins Jackson, Taylor, Joe & Sam with Leah & Chloe
Gotta love the height difference between Chloe and Joe:)

Despite the fact that life is on a smaller scale and every opportunity isn't at your fingertips (oh, and the winters are crazy cold), it is a pretty great way to live and I feel incredibly blessed for having spent my first 18 years there. In my experience, here's what you'll generally find in small towns. Well-adjusted people with strong EQ. True blue, honest, authentic, loyal friends. A less complex, down-to-earth life. Hardworking, responsible, smart farmers running high-tech businesses in a global economy. And people who have a genuine faith, can make the best of any situation, and are simply there for you no matter what.

A glimpse into the farm with cousin Fred

But don't take my word for it. Here are a couple of amazing facts. North Dakota has a bustling economy, which in turn, has resulted in the nation's lowest unemployment rate. Per this recent USA TODAY article, "The state's unemployment rate hasn't touched 5% since 1987. The state's per capita income rose over the decade from 38th in the nation to 17th, the biggest advance of any state."

And North Dakota was the #2 state on Gallup's wellbeing index that came out this week. Hawaii was #1. Since competing with Hawaii is completely unfair, ND is #1 to me.

If you have a chance to spend time in a small town, I encourage you to do so. No place is perfect, but small towns certainly provide a good way to get grounded in what's real and lasting. And they simply warm your heart.

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Twinsight 20 of 50: Live Interdependently with Gratitude

A couple of weeks ago, I introduced the idea that four qualities can converge in your 50s—energy, interdependence, wisdom and humility. Four friends of mine who are age 50+ have graciously allowed me to interview them about one of these qualities. This week, I’d like to introduce you to an amazing woman, Bernice Flanagan. At age 74, she continues to work 10-hour days running her business, The General Store, in my hometown of Edinburg, North Dakota. She and my mom shared the same name and many common experiences and values, so she’s particularly dear to me.

As a business and community leader, I’m amazed at the way she lives so interdependently – really living and working in her community and beyond every day with an underlying sense of gratitude. How does she do it? Here's what she had to say.

How did you get started with your business? In 1982, my husband, Jim, our sons James (age 19) and Joe (age 9), and I were living a wonderful life in the farming community of Nash, North Dakota, when our lives changed dramatically. Jim died suddenly. I needed to quickly make decisions about where to live and how to support my boys and me. I decided to move to Edinburg and started selling World Book encyclopedias, becoming a district manager covering several counties. Everything just fell into place…it was pretty amazing. But the traveling was getting really tiring. Then in 1993, a “for sale” sign came up on the hardware store. I didn’t have any retail experience, but I knew I could learn. So I made an offer. As it turned out, three men and I became partners and bought the store. A year and a half later, the store burned to the ground but we didn’t let that stop us. Our business reopened in what was the Community Hall, a 1938 Works Progress Administration (WPA) project of the depression era. As time went on and changes came about, I eventually became the sole owner and now I get to "play store" Monday through Saturday! What I enjoy most is when a group like a Birthday Club, Red Hats group, or Senior Citizens Club books a tour and I have the opportunity to tell the history of the store, the story of the trains, show and tell them about the oxcart with its history, and let them experience the beauty and charm of our well-kept Small Town, USA.

As you've worked with people through the years, what have you learned? Throughout the year, I am always learning from customers as well as the hardware and gift market events that I attend four times a year. I've also learned that there are two vital components to making our life at the store enjoyable - coffee and fun. My helpers and I start the morning with coffee which gives us the opportunity to talk about the day in a positive, harmonious way. Coffee just always helps! I've also learned that it's important to have as much fun each day as possible. We draw customers from all over, and I love visiting with them. It seems like there's always something to laugh about. The children especially like playing with Muffin, the General Store Kitty, who always seems to get us laughing.

How have you had the courage to take risks along the way? It hasn't always been easy. My boys and I have worked very hard. And I've had to make some big decisions - like moving to Edinburg and buying the store - when I haven't known what to do. But I'm proud to say that they both graduated from college debt free. And other than losing my husband early in life, my life has been filled with many blessings as I simply trust God with each day.

  

What keeps you going? I have some quotes that sum up what I believe and how I want to live my life: 

• "I am rich in blessings. I don't have a desire to be wealthy, but I hope when it's all said and done that I have made a difference."
• "You're never poor as long as you have a dream."
• "The highest form of satisfaction in life is helping others."
• "It's such a gift to do work that you love to do, and then have that work be something that you're so proud of."
• "You make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give. But the real secret of happiness is what you share."

What’s on the horizon for Bernice? When she turns 75 next year, she’s hoping to write a memoir. In the meantime, I'm quite confident she'll continue to learn and make a difference in others' lives.

 

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