Twinsight 22 of 50: Balance Confidence with Humility

Steve Wagner

Today is my last of four posts featuring friends of mine who are age 50+. Each of them is particularly gifted at one of these leadership qualities that can converge in your 50s - energy, interdependence, wisdom, and humility. I'm excited to introduce you to Steve Wagner. When I thought about leading with a measure of humility, he was the first person who came to mind. I had the privilege of working with Steve at Hewitt Associates (now Aon Hewitt) before he retired in 2006. When I went to client meetings with him, he was usually the smartest, most experienced person going to the meeting, and also had modestly prepared the most. So where did that humility come from, and how does it strengthen his leadership? Here's what he had to say.

How did you get started in the business world?
I grew up on a farm in Nebraska, and started working when I was 13. When I went to the University of Nebraska (yes, I bleed red), I decided to study math because it was always easy for me. Because I didn't have to study, I could also work and socialize. I didn't really want to teach, and one of my math teachers said, "You should be an actuary." It sounded kind of interesting, so I took the first of 10 actuarial exams and passed it.

I graduated from college in 1971, and then joined the Army for three years. When I was discharged, I learned that through the GI bill, the Army would pay for me to get my Masters in Actuarial Science at Nebraska as well. When I was graduating in 1976, I interviewed with eight companies that came to campus - four consulting firms and four insurance companies. Because ERISA (Employee Retirement Income Security Act) had just passed and there was a real need for actuaries, all eight organizations offered me a job. I ended up deciding to join Hewitt Associates because consulting sounded interesting, and my mom and I thought there was just something classy about Hewitt. My dad didn't want me to work in the big city of Chicago, but I told him I'd be in the suburb of Lincolnshire where there was bound to be some cows and chickens nearby. I worked in Lincolnshire for four years - working 40 and studying 20 hours a week while continuing to pass the exams.

One day in 1980 after I'd passed all my exams, the manager of the actuarial practice came into my office and presented me with a decision. He asked if I wanted to be an actuary working in the office on client projects or an account manager out with clients. I said that I'd rather be out meeting people. The next thing I knew, the Hewitt CEO offered me the opportunity to open another office. Of the options, I chose Denver. I was 31 and starting the adventure of my life. Computers were just starting to get good, and the fax machine had just come out. I remember the first time I saw a fax come through our machine. It was like magic!

I obviously had no experience running anything, but I did know how to work hard. I committed to learn something every time I got hired for a project and apply it to my future work. In 1984, the Denver office was running successfully, and I was asked to move to the Minneapolis office. "Too cold!" I said, but somehow they persuaded me, and I've lived here ever since. Because my first love was solving complex retirement design issues for clients and I never really liked the internal management part, I was able to carve out a great niche.

With all your accomplishments, how do you live with confidence yet stay humble?
I really don't think I'm a great leader and not really a great people manager, and I used to tell the big wigs at Hewitt that. But I have learned to capitalize on my strengths and the talents that God has given me. Through a "Living Your Strengths" program, I discovered my top five strengths in the Strengthfinders model:

1) Harmony - building consensus and focusing on what brings us together.
2) Responsibility - taking the lead in getting things done.
3) Includer - accepting everyone and casting few judgments.
4) Communication - being able to explain things clearly.
5) Input - gathering ideas and insights from everyone along the way.

How have you been spending your time since you retired?
At least five years before I retired, I started reading about retirement and planning what I'd do. Everything in my life revolved around my job and I was going 100 mph, so it was important for me to learn how to make the transition well. Now I'm as busy as when I was consulting, but I don't really have stress.

I've been spending a lot of time with my family. My wife, Dee, has had some significant health issues, so it's been a blessing to have more time to devote to her as well as our two sons who've been at home, and our adult daughters and their families. And I'm involved in volunteer work at our church around issues that are important to me and what I believe Jesus would do. I'm on a justice counsel in the southwest suburbs with the goal to make a dent in eliminating poverty in our corner of the world. It's amazing how close homelessness and poverty are to us in suburban America. I also like to cook, garden, and take fishing trips with my brother.

I've also tried to become more humble. You can always do better.

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Twinsight 21 of 50: Intentionally Grow in Wisdom

Art, Jo, Steve, Esther

A few weeks ago, I introduced the idea that four leadership qualities can converge in your 50s—energy, interdependence, wisdom and humility. I’ve really enjoyed gaining insights from four friends who are age 50+ about these qualities. Today I’d like to reflect on what I’ve learned from Pastor Art Grimstad about the core role that wisdom plays in leadership. At nearly age 93, he continues to be an amazingly wise, godly man, and a devoted husband to his wife, Esther, who will soon be 95.

Pastor Grimstad (whom we fondly call "Grimy") was a professor of ours at Concordia College in Moorhead, MN. As a matter of fact, he is the teacher who had the most profound impact on my life. In addition to taking a biblical studies class from him, both Steve and I attended his packed-house weekly bible study during our college years and were under his leadership when we traveled with Christian music teams. Then, along with other engaged couples, we had the privilege of meeting with both Art and Esther each week throughout our senior year for group premarital counseling, ending with him marrying us after we graduated.

Throughout his life, he has served in many roles including student, husband, father, grandfather, pastor, teacher, small group leader, visionary, development leader, global ministry advocate, counselor, and friend. As I think about his life and influence on me, I am struck by the the fact that he didn’t just wake up one day wise. He has intentionally taken actions to grow in wisdom. He:

1. Asks for Wisdom. When you hear him talk about his life experiences - from recovering from a challenging childhood illness to leading the Billy Graham Crusade in Fargo, it's striking how his life has had many ups and downs but he has humbly sought God's wisdom at every turn. He embodies James 1:5: "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." How many times am I perplexed and have simply forgotten to ask and wait on God? I guess instant gratification and wisdom don't belong in the same sentence!
2. Shares Wisdom. His first love is small group teaching, and he is an absolute master at it. He has a way of sharing his knowledge and insights in a digestible, practical way that makes you want to learn and grow more. And he has impacted hundreds of lives. Even today, he gives the chapel messages in their senior apartment building each week (to a full house), and deftly meets people where they're at and helps them grow.
3. Cultivates Wisdom. When we visited the Grimstads this weekend, Steve and I were both struck by how he is still continually learning and discovering new ways that God is moving. He is reading a book about what's going on in the Middle East, and actively involved in a couple of global ministries. He continues to grow in wisdom and discernment, yet never feeling as if he's arrived.

His best piece of wisdom for us was a point he made over and over during our engagement, and reiterated in his meditation at our wedding. Remember that love is a choice. There will be days when you don’t feel loving and don’t want to love. But you wake up and choose to love. It’s simple, challenging, and life changing.

Thank you, Grimy, for profoundly impacting my life and spurring me on to continually seek wisdom.

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Twinsight 20 of 50: Live Interdependently with Gratitude

A couple of weeks ago, I introduced the idea that four qualities can converge in your 50s—energy, interdependence, wisdom and humility. Four friends of mine who are age 50+ have graciously allowed me to interview them about one of these qualities. This week, I’d like to introduce you to an amazing woman, Bernice Flanagan. At age 74, she continues to work 10-hour days running her business, The General Store, in my hometown of Edinburg, North Dakota. She and my mom shared the same name and many common experiences and values, so she’s particularly dear to me.

As a business and community leader, I’m amazed at the way she lives so interdependently – really living and working in her community and beyond every day with an underlying sense of gratitude. How does she do it? Here's what she had to say.

How did you get started with your business? In 1982, my husband, Jim, our sons James (age 19) and Joe (age 9), and I were living a wonderful life in the farming community of Nash, North Dakota, when our lives changed dramatically. Jim died suddenly. I needed to quickly make decisions about where to live and how to support my boys and me. I decided to move to Edinburg and started selling World Book encyclopedias, becoming a district manager covering several counties. Everything just fell into place…it was pretty amazing. But the traveling was getting really tiring. Then in 1993, a “for sale” sign came up on the hardware store. I didn’t have any retail experience, but I knew I could learn. So I made an offer. As it turned out, three men and I became partners and bought the store. A year and a half later, the store burned to the ground but we didn’t let that stop us. Our business reopened in what was the Community Hall, a 1938 Works Progress Administration (WPA) project of the depression era. As time went on and changes came about, I eventually became the sole owner and now I get to "play store" Monday through Saturday! What I enjoy most is when a group like a Birthday Club, Red Hats group, or Senior Citizens Club books a tour and I have the opportunity to tell the history of the store, the story of the trains, show and tell them about the oxcart with its history, and let them experience the beauty and charm of our well-kept Small Town, USA.

As you've worked with people through the years, what have you learned? Throughout the year, I am always learning from customers as well as the hardware and gift market events that I attend four times a year. I've also learned that there are two vital components to making our life at the store enjoyable - coffee and fun. My helpers and I start the morning with coffee which gives us the opportunity to talk about the day in a positive, harmonious way. Coffee just always helps! I've also learned that it's important to have as much fun each day as possible. We draw customers from all over, and I love visiting with them. It seems like there's always something to laugh about. The children especially like playing with Muffin, the General Store Kitty, who always seems to get us laughing.

How have you had the courage to take risks along the way? It hasn't always been easy. My boys and I have worked very hard. And I've had to make some big decisions - like moving to Edinburg and buying the store - when I haven't known what to do. But I'm proud to say that they both graduated from college debt free. And other than losing my husband early in life, my life has been filled with many blessings as I simply trust God with each day.

  

What keeps you going? I have some quotes that sum up what I believe and how I want to live my life: 

• "I am rich in blessings. I don't have a desire to be wealthy, but I hope when it's all said and done that I have made a difference."
• "You're never poor as long as you have a dream."
• "The highest form of satisfaction in life is helping others."
• "It's such a gift to do work that you love to do, and then have that work be something that you're so proud of."
• "You make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give. But the real secret of happiness is what you share."

What’s on the horizon for Bernice? When she turns 75 next year, she’s hoping to write a memoir. In the meantime, I'm quite confident she'll continue to learn and make a difference in others' lives.

 

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Twinsight 19 of 50: Get Energized by Doing Something You Love

Last week, I suggested four qualities that can converge in your 50s—energy, interdependence, wisdom, and humility. Now this week and the following three, you’re in for a treat. You’re going to hear from four friends of mine who are leaders age 50+ and exhibit one of these qualities particularly well. Today I’d like to introduce you to my first cousin and dear friend, Nancy TenHulzen. Along with her husband, David, she leads and runs Park View Alpacas in West Linn, Oregon just outside of Portland. They started the business in 1993 with 5 alpacas, which are essentially small llamas. Today they have 250 alpacas, raising them for breeding the future generation of herds and the wonderful fiber that produces cashmere-like material. I’m amazed at the high amount of energy required to run and grow a business that has never really been done before anywhere. How does she do it? Here are some of her insights.

What does a typical day look like?
Our home is on 6 acres and we are able to raise about 45 alpacas on our home ranch. The other animals are at our main ranch which is 15 minutes away. Our females have about 70 cria (babies) a year. I have a very talented, hard working, and caring staff who do most of the hands-on work. We shear about 200 alpacas in 5 days every May, and send their fleeces to a variety of processing mills including the Pendleton Blanket Project. I now mainly work on marketing our ranch and the Prestige Auction as well as planning our next trips to show our animals.

What do you do at the shows?

About 5 times a year, we show 30 animals in halter shows around the country. We have been fortunate to have been named Suri Breeders of the Year, had 2 different Herdsires named Herdsire of the Year, and won many Best of Show and Supreme Trophies along with a couple hundred Color Championships. Our goal has always been to create high-quality, healthy alpacas by purchasing and breeding the best alpacas available.

How do you keep up the energy to run a business?
Sometimes I feel like I'm running out of energy! But then I wake up and there are always things to do to keep everything running. I always try to eat healthy and in moderation. One advantage for me is that I've never really liked sweets. I also try to exercise 45 - 60 minutes a day (cardio, weights, core body work), get a decent amount of sleep, keep my stress under control, and make sure my vital health numbers are in check. And, because the alpacas are very calm, gentle and curious, it is a joy for me to look out at them and be around them.

What tips do you have for other business owners?

This business really started as a little hobby, and I had no business degree, no business background, and no ranch experience. It all really comes down to:

• Common sense. A lot of our decisions are simply common sense like working hard, investing in high-quality products, making decisions for the long-term vs. the short-term, hiring high-quality people and treating them well, setting a realistic budget and sticking to it, making a list of goals and reviewing and revising them regularly, and following the Golden Rule.
• Marketing sense. We have a strong network with other alpacas breeders and stay in regular touch with them through our website and emails. We also market by attending shows and events, and holding our own auction. I'm always thinking about why customers should want to come to us because it's really their choice, and we want to be an organization they're excited to choose.  
• Doing something you love and the money will follow. It’s not all glamourous, believe me. But I really do enjoy the business and  all the wonderful people we have met. It’s been really fun to see it grow and evolve, and to keep a good attitude and continually grow and learn with it

Thanks to Nancy for her insights! Next week: insights on how interdependence strengthens your leadership.

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Twinsight 18 of 50: Take the World By Storm

When I turned 50, my brother-in-law, Josias, pointed out that it's not too late to make a mark on this world. (Thank you!) As a matter of fact, he shared that most CEOs are in their 50s. And it's true. If you look at the stats, you'll see that the average CEO is 50 something. While I don't necessarily aspire to be CEO of anything at the moment, I started to wonder why the decade of your 50s is such a choice time when it comes to leadership - whether it's leading in the marketplace, our homes, or in the community. I believe that it has to do with the fact that in our 50s, we have the opportunity to be at the vortex of our energy, interdependence, wisdom and humility.

First of all, our personal energy can be quite high if we're intentional about maximizing it. I've been particularly inspired by friends with chronic health conditions who've worked hard to take care of themselves and have a remarkable energy level as they strive to live full lives. We've also learned to live more gracefully in a place of interdependence - learning to collaborate and problem solve with others much more effectively. We also have enough combined book smarts and street smarts to be able to bring a measure of wisdom to the world on topics we've had experience with. Plus, by 50, we've had our share of hard knocks, and hopefully aren't as cocky as we once were, reflecting a healthy humility. The combination makes even high school and college reunions down right delightful.

How can we capitalize on this sweet spot? First of all, we can't take forever to figure it out! In her essay, Look for what's hopeful and go with it1, Wendy Wasserstein writes, "When you're 50, you know there isn't an endless amount of time. You just know it. But you still have to believe that you can change things."

So I suppose it's about time that I figure out what I'm going to do when I grow up. I'm blessed to enjoy the marketplace work I do in the area of engaging people in their health along with my ever evolving joint role with Steve to coach and guide our daughters as they move from being teenagers to young adults. But I struggle at times with questions like, "Am I making a difference in the world? Am I focused on the right things? Am I backing off where it's not my place?"

The mini ah-ha I've had recently is that God works in amazing ways as I come alive to His purposes and join Him in how He's working in the day-to-day world around me - regardless if I'm leading or following, at work or home, in the U.S. or any other part of the world. Howard Thurman advises, "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what make you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

When I turned 50, my friend, Carol, gave me this advice: "Enjoy the transition to the new decade. Take it by storm. You have much left to do in God's kingdom purposes. In fact, you're now just getting to the place where God is going to find you really useful. You've been refined by time and experience. God has tested your character in many ways. And you're mature enough to know that the world revolves around Him - and not you. Ah, you are the perfect age."

What does it look like for you to take your world by storm, whatever your age? As I've been writing this post during the last several early mornings, thunderstorms have been brewing. They've reminded me that storms are not safe, but they do shake things up, can be beautiful in their own way, and result in a new sense of calm. During the next four weeks, I'll share insights about energy, interdependence, wisdom, and humility. What have you learned in your journey? I'll share our collective ideas.

1 Wendy Wasserstain, "Look for what's hopeful and go with it," in Ronnie Sellers (ed.), Fifty Things To Do When You Turn 50, Ronnie Sellers Productions, Inc., Portland, ME, 2005, pp. 22-25.

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Twinsight 17 of 50: Savor Summer Meals with Friends

It is around the table that friends understand best, the warmth of being together. - Unknown

Don, Gerry, Maria, DeLonn
(counterclockwise)

When I think of the simple pleasures in life that I enjoy most, creating and enjoying a meal with friends is high on my list. And summer is my favorite time because the foods are freshest, we can sit outside on the patio, and there just seems to be more time.

I recently got around to skimming a book that I'd heard about, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, by Barbara Kingsolver. With her husband and daughter, she describes how they took a year to deliberately eat foods in season grown near their home. Although that level of commitment wouldn't work in our lifestyle right now, it inspired me to always be taking advantage of the season's freshest food. I thought I'd share the recipes for a meal I enjoy preparing and sharing. It serves around six. The recipes reflect the way that I've learned and continue to learn to cook: through a real and virtual "village" of people who have added spice to my life.

Appetizer Platter
I usually simply arrange a light platter of some combination of grapes, pear slices, slices of a nice cheese, onion jelly, almonds, and crackers.

Tangy Mixed Grill
* My friend, Mary, who is from Seattle introduced Leah and me to this wonderful marinade that I shared in an earlier blog but it's my current favorite so I want to share it again! 
6-8 pieces of the meat you want to serve (salmon, chicken, beef, pork, shrimp, etc.)
1/4 cup soy sauce
3 tablespoons honey
2 tablespoons white vinegar
2/3 cup olive oil
4 green onions cut into 1-inch strips
1-1/2 teaspoons garlic powder
1-1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 teaspoon coarsely ground pepper

Combine all ingredients, add meat, and refrigerate in Ziploc bag at least four hours. If you want to serve two kinds of meat (e.g., chicken and jumbo shrimp on skewers), divide the marinade in two Ziplocs (or double the recipe) and refrigerate the two types of meat in separate bags.

Mango Salsa

* I found this recipe on some website. I love the zip and color it adds to your meat..
1 large mango, ripe, peeled, pitted, cut into 1/4" cubes
1 small pepper (as strong as you want to get), cut in 1/4" cubes
3 tablespoon. minced green onion
2 tablespoon snipped fresh cilantro
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper

Combine ingredients. Refrigerate, covered, several hours to meld flavors.

Tomato Pie
 * Thanks to my cousin, JoeAnn, for this family favorite. It's essentially a fresh tomato pizza.
1 baked pie shell
1 cup shredded Mozzarella cheese
4 medium ripened tomatoes
3 tablespoons butter, melted
Fresh (or dried) basil leaves to taste
Salt and pepper to taste
3 tablespoons Parmesan cheese

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Place Mozzarella in cooled, baked pie shell. Slice tomatoes, and place on rack to drain. Place drained tomatoes in pie shell, and drizzle with melted butter. Season with salt, pepper and basil. Top with Parmesan cheese. Bake at 375 degrees for 25-30 minutes. Let pie stand 5 minutes before cutting into 6 pieces.

Baby Greens with Pine Nuts
*I think I started making this salad from a recipe, but now I'm comfortable enough with it that I regularly change it up. Here's one variation.
4 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1-1/2 teaspoons minced garlic
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 teaspoon sugar
Salt and pepper to take
Baby greens (enough for 6 salad plates, usually 1-2 bags)
4 tablespoons shallots or green onions
1 cup Parmesan cheese shavings
1/2 cup pine nuts, toasted
Whisk together dressing ingredients (vinegar, garlic, oil, sugar, salt and pepper). Place mixed greens and shallots in large bowl. Toss with dressing (you may not need it all) and divide salad among 6 plates. Sprinkle each with cheese and nuts.

Whole Grain Rolls
I pick up whatever looks good. I really like the taste and ease of the New French Bakery breads.

Blueberry Crisp
* My friend, Joyce, brought this Betty Crocker classic to book club many years ago and now it's a family favorite.
6 cups fresh blueberries (or 2-16 oz. pkgs. frozen unsweetened)
4 tablespoons lemon juice
1-1/3 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup flour
1 cup quick-cooking oats
2/3 cup butter, softened
1-1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
Ice cream (my favs are cinnamon or vanilla bean)

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Arrange blueberries in a greased 9" x 13" glass pan. Sprinkle with lemon juice. Mix brown sugar, flour, oats, butter, cinnamon and salt; sprinkle on top. Bake until topping is light brown and blueberries are hot - about 30 minutes. Serve warm with ice cream.

Colorful, flavorful...ready to savor with friends! Any summer favorites you have?

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Twinsight 16 of 50: Gotta Love Dogs



Guest Blogger, Pabby Swenson

In most families with dogs, it seems that there was one hold out to getting the dog in the first place. In our family, it was my mom. Here was her dog criteria: mute, bald, compliant, and no GI tract. There were actually quite a few dogs like that in the house before I arrived. She calls them stuffed. I call them chew toys.

She eventually caved and now wonders why she was so stubborn since I'm so charming and unconditionally loving. I'm a seven-year-old Schnoodle, and was named after Leah's imaginary friend. When she was four and Chloe arrived, the imaginary friend fled to Florida because the competition was too fierce. Leah wanted to give Chloe the name Pabby so the ring of his name would still be heard through the house. To ease the pain of not getting her way, my parents stupidly told her that if we ever got a dog, we'd name him Pabby. So that's how I got stuck with this name. But it is appropriate that Leah named me because she's my favorite. She simply shows me the most love. I've scheduled some canine therapy for myself (must snatch the Visa...) after she goes away to college since I basically stalk her day and night.

One morning, mom said out loud to me, "What should I write about in my next blog? What was I thinking when I promised 50 of these?" I really wanted to help her because she looked more desperate than usual. I said, "Hey, I might just be a dog, but I have friends. And they're good looking." So scroll down and meet some of my friends of all shapes and sizes.

  


Tilly Brady



Coconut Johnson



Dakota Jensen



Trout and Cider Beery with sister, Ella (she's the one in the middle)



WallE Walsh



Tehya Quinnell

 

Daisy Cook



Cozmo Strommen

 

Annie Kay Dick

 

Willy Jensen



Sissy & Lexi TenHulzen




Cosmo Brown Bloch with sisters, Callie & Tori

 

Cory Lima with sister, Sonia


Thanks for meeting my friends! If you have a dog, send me a photo of him or her and maybe mom will let me do another blog in the future. Later, Pabby

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Twinsight 15 of 50: Be Your Best You

August 26, 1993, and June 12, 2011, and were two of the most memorable days of my life. They were both days on which people came around us to celebrate our daughter, Leah. There is something that makes my heart just about burst with joy when other people take time to get to know our girls, and love them for who they are. I want to do that for others as well.

On that day in 1993, Leah arrived to us from South Korea via the Northwest Airlines stork at the Minneapolis St. Paul airport during the days when non-ticketed passengers could go to the gate. As you can see at the beginning of the video below, family members and friends surrounded us as we received her into our arms for the first time. She had a calm and serene spirit about her that has continued to this day.

Sometimes people will ask if we regret not having a birth child…you know, someone who has our genes. I actually have no regrets because without our genes, our children have the chance to be beautiful and smart in things like physics. And low and behold, she’s both. She’s not a stereotypical 18 year old. She has a deep, quiet strength, and is like a “horse whisperer” with animals and special needs kids. She also loves the adventure of experiencing a wide range of places in the world, and has a responsible head on her shoulders. She carefully guards her heart, and is a true friend.

A couple of weeks ago, family members and friends (some who were also at the airport in 1993) came around us again to celebrate her graduation from Minnetonka High School. If you've hosted a grad party, you'll get this. It's more work than it appears, unnerving to not know how many people are going to come and if the weather will cooperate, but a ton of fun. At the graduation ceremony a few days earlier, I loved how Principal Dave Adney encouraged the students to be their best for the world. It does make you pause when you think that as an individual, you are the only one impacting the world in a positive way with your unique blend of gifts, abilities and passions. I’m excited to see how Leah will make her corner of the world a better place as she embarks on the next chapter of her life.

Many thanks to the Lighthouse Media guys - Peter, Dan and Steve - for creating this video of photos that span these two dates. Enjoy.

Leah Swenson Grad Video - June 2011

Steve * Chloe * Leah * Jo
Grad Party 6.12.11

Twinsight 14 of 50: Observe and Learn from Dads

Throughout the course of my life, I've had the privilege of being around a lot of great dads. Dads may not typically give as much verbal advice as moms, but you can learn a lot as you observe their behavior. The three outstanding ones whom I've had the opportunity to spend the most time with are my dad, my father-in-law and my husband, and I'd like to share one lesson I've learned from each of them.

From my dad, Bill Hall, I learned that it's important to teach your kids to make decisions and then let them. He was 43 when I was born, and I was an only child, so he sort of treated me like one of the adults. He gave me responsibility at an early age, and taught me through his experiences in running a farming business with his brothers, dealing with the associated risks, and doing everything you could to make high-quality products. In North Dakota, you could drive as early as your feet could reach the pedals and get your official license at age 14, so I was independent pretty early. When I was a junior in high school, I mentioned to my dad that I wasn't sure where to go to college or what to major in. He said, "Well, it's about time you figure that out. And make sure you study something you really like because you'll be spending a lot of time doing it." That was the extent of his advice, which frustrated me at the time, but forced me to look inside and make decisions I could live with. Now when I'm faced with a tough situation - particularly in the business world, I think, "What would Bill Hall do?" I can always stand tall when I do what he would have done.

My dad, Bill Hall

From my father-in-law, Don Swenson, I continue to learn to teach your kids to be lifelong learners. He's an incredibly curious man who is continually learning about areas he's interested in - like health, history, architecture, antiques, clarinets, Sweden - but also learning new things as he meet people and finds out all about them. I love how he cares about others and wants to always learn and grow. The girls have learned a lot from him as he quizzes them to keep them sharp and tells them interesting stories. His perspective on life definitely keeps him young and vibrant.


My father-in-law, Don Swenson, teaching Leah and Chloe to fish

From my husband, Steve Swenson, I've learned to teach your kids to enjoy day-to-day life. Our girls genuinely like hanging out with Steve. He banters with them, watches movies with them, teases them, prays with them, schleps them from point A to point B while singing with them in the car, does chores with them so it's not so much of a burden, participates in their activities, and studies with them. He even empathizes with them. (Two nights ago: "Oh yeah, that is a really cute snapping turtle crossing the road. No, we cannot pick him up but he'll be fine." Next morning: "Oh, I see it...the cute turtle got run over. I'm sure he didn't suffer a bit.") They are blessed to have a great dad, and I'm blessed to learn from him.


My husband, Steve Swenson, with Leah and Chloe





Twinsight 13 of 50: Arrange Life Around What's Most Important

Repeat after me: I can make a difference, but I cannot do it all. I can make a difference, but I cannot do it all.

Assuming that you agree with that mantra, how do we live it out? One way is to follow daily routines to stay grounded which was advice that I shared last week from those of you who gave me input. I'm also continually learning - and also hearing from many of you - that it's critical to arrange life around what's most important. So what does that mean in practical terms?

• Enjoy the Roller Coaster. (It Does Stop.) Picture yourself on the fastest ride you've ever attempted. Exhilarating and unnerving probably, but it did eventually end. If you're in a season that is over-the-top busy as I am, remember that this level of pressure is temporary. The ride does stop moving and you do get to put each foot on the ground once again. Two seasoned moms with young adult children have keen insights. "Things will indeed slow down - not to boredom - but to the point that you have the ability to run your life rather than it running you," writes Dawn. And Roxane reflects, "Sometimes it felt like I just had to hang on tight and go for the ride and enjoy the scenery because it really does go by fast." Envisioning more reasonable-paced times on the horizon gives me fresh energy to enjoy the important ride now.
• Juggle Fewer Balls. For some reason, I can't get it through my head that everything can't be of equal importance at the same time! I'm learning that I need to make sure that the activities I'm juggling are the right ones, which means setting some aside for the time being and being planful about the way I manage our family calendar. Steph writes, "I'm trying to work on saying no or not volunteering for things when the week/month is starting to feel too stressful. Zenbe.com and Google Calendar do a great job of keeping us organized and on the same page."
• Stay Flexible. Just when life is mapped out, a curve ball comes out of nowhere, right? Or what looks fine on the screen or paper is just not working. When I'm feeling overwhelmed and perplexed, I usually panic or fret first (ugh!) but eventually I think through a quick checklist in my mind. Is the barrier primarily intellectual, emotional, physical or spiritual? Then I figure out the most realistic way to adjust - e.g., work from my home office when I have a work challenge and need a quick block of writing time (intellectual), call a friend to get her perspective (emotional), go for a run to clear my mind (physical), or read a Psalm (spiritual). Julie writes, "A finite resource that we all have is time. How we choose to spend it depends on what our priorities are. When I do have some control of my own time at home with too many things to do, I sometimes step back and ask, 'Is this really important right now?' Asking this question helps shift my focus at times. For me, the shift is usually to spending more time with people I care about."
• Involve God. God is not a free vending machine (press button, get requested item). But for some mysterious reason, He desires a relationship with us and is moved when we pray. Sometimes I pray and my circumstances change (right away or over time). And sometimes the circumstances are the same but my heart changes. Either way, it's always a positive outcome. Here's what Bev does to keep life in balance: "Immediately surrender the situation and myself to the Lord Jesus, try to obey the principles that you shared [in earlier blog], pray, pray, pray, and be ready for people who God is prompting me to speak to or help...then count on Him for wisdom and grace for every time of need." Roxane adds that she "...prayed for emotional strength, physical stamina, and peace with the choices we all made" in the course of an intense season of life.
• Give Yourself Grace. I wish I would have ________________. What's in your blank? For me, one thing is volunteered more at school through the years. When I feel a pang of disappointment or guilt about what I haven't done or am missing out on, I write it down along with the circumstances that kept me from doing it at the time, and decide if there's anything that I can do about it now. If so, I do it! If not, toss the paper and try to put it behind me. Steph says, "I think the best thing (and the hardest thing) I do is let myself off the hook once in awhile. No one else will care if the laundry sits in the dryer one more night, the cookies for the party are store bought and not homemade, or that I sent a card from Target and didn't make a crafty one myself."

So here's to arranging our lives around what's most important with some planning, a healthy dose of flexibility and prayer, and a lot of grace. I'd love to continue to share your great insights so keep them coming!